Thursday, September 29, 2011

Benchmarked or Benched?

I've been crazy busy running around, trying to get stuff done or set up before I leave for RomantiCon (yay! I get to hug Regina again!). You see, while I'm away, my ex is coming here and staying with my my house. I have to hide stuff because he's very nosy. I've already informed the daughters that he's not staying in my room (that man will never get into my bed for any reason. Just sayin'.). And in the midst of all the "Oh my gosh, I can't forget to do that or go there" drama, it occurred to me how much things have changed in my writing over the  years.

Once upon a time, I was a baby infant writer. Back before publication was a reality, I joined all the writing groups local and national. I went to nearby conferences and loaded up on seminar tapes from those conferences. I listened to them in my car everywhere I went. Our meetings encouraged writing goals, often with monetary incentives and public kudos. They told you what you should write, what the market wanted, what was selling, how to build a story, and always seemed to get mired in one inch margins and double spacing.

There was one tape I listened to. I can't remember who the speaker was, but I arrived at my destination where we were family reunioning, and I sat in the car, cranked up the volume, and took notes. I rewound and played until I'd heard her suggestions at least three times. She'd said that she wrote fast. That often she'd write at least one thousand words a day which meant completing nearly four books a year. I remember shaking my head and thinking, is she crazy? Who writes that much? I can barely keep up with 100 words a day. And really, I only did that because there was another lady in the group who rubbed me the wrong way and she kept bragging about her 100 words a day success (I've never wanted to punch someone more in my life. Dark side of Mia. Sorry). I couldn't imagine that kind of time or focus.

Now for you non-writerly types, 1k = one thousand words. Assuming you followed that one inch margin, double space thing, 1k averages out to 4 typed pages. That means that eight page essay that high school and/or college assigned to for you to finish in a semester, was 2k. That audio tape writer advised writing at least four pages a day. I was barely writing half a page. I thought she was insane.

But she also said, it took practice. That if you never wrote any words, you'd never build a familiarity with your storytelling and personal speed. She was right. I'm now at the point where I have one or two titles releasing every month. No, I don't write a bunch of long books, I write novellas and shorts (with one exception coming out in Dec from Siren: Staking Their Claim), but I still average about 20k a story. Multiply by four and you see that's 80 pages.

I've come a long way, baby. To tie into that first paragraph up there, and the reason this sparked the memory, is because I currently have 11k on a book that's due as soon as I finish it. I want another 9k. I also have to supershorts to write each needing another 4k. I have to prepare, pack, clean, and do a day job, and I have to drive to, attend, and return from a conference. And you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking I can actually do all that and turn it in by Tuesday evening next week. That means finding time to write 17k, or 68 pages of writing (I know, because I pulled out my calculator. I'm a writer, not a mathmatician. Don't judge me.).

And I think about that writer who made me scoff in disbelief and I go, "Huh. You know what? She was right. It does take practice."

So, if you're out there with a story in your head, thinking you'll never have the ability or patience to put it on paper or the ability and patience to see it through a plot into a happy ending? Guess what? It took me four years of self-doubt to write a single eight page scene before I realized I should just shut up and do it. Stop editing, reediting, correcting, and polishing those eight and get on with the bloody book. Once I decided that, it only took another six months to finish a 100k story WHILE I worked a full time job, raised two babies, and picked up after a messy guy. It's possible. I didn't even type fast. Mostly I daydreamed about, "What happens next?" and then I wrote it when I had the chance.

It took another two years before that book was published and suddenly I realized that I wanted to do it again, but faster.

If you have a dream, pursue it. If you have a goal, reach it. If you have a dream, dream it to reality. If you have fear, you aren't alone. We all hold each other's hands in this world, so take mine. Take the hand of anyone on this blog and know that what you're waiting to achieve can't be achieved until you take that first step. You can do it.


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

More Romanticon Stuff from Elece

Note: Our Lil' Ninja, Elece Faberov, is blogging for Allie today. Allie is busy stuffing sparkley stuff into her suitcase. See everyone at Romanticon 2011!

You may know Allie Standifer as Allie Standifer. I do, too, but I also know her as BAPS (Beauteousness of All things Pink and Sparkly). I have never met The Royal Sparkly Princess, and seriously, this lady in waiting is giddy to do so. I may actually bow down before her, but I draw the line at kissing feet, even pretty ones with shiny toe rings.
I don’t remember exactly the first time our paths crossed. I do however remember the first time she called me out, here on this very blog, and then again here, even on Facebook. I’ll admit, embarrassment was my initial reaction then honestly, I felt a little honored. As cheesy as that may sound, I couldn’t believe she not only remembered my name (and spelled it right), but knew enough about me to even call me out on what she did (if that was unintentional, Allie, don’t tell me and take my thunder!!).

I’m going to backtrack here for a moment. I joined the Romanticon and EC loop, and then some time later, the TWW loop. More recently, I joined the RHB loop. I have met some of the nicest women since the day I dipped my toes into the writing world. I was overwhelmed at the warm welcomes and open arms, and that’s without having met one of them in person. Needless to say, the fact I will be meeting these special ladies face to face in a few days is amazing. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m nervous as hell! I am actually a very shy person. I am! All of you stop laughing at me!!

All I know is that the months, weeks, and now days leading up to Romanticon have collectively been one of the best journeys in my life. To date, I have made friends I know I’ll have for a lifetime. Everything about these months is new to me, and stepping out of my comfort zone to attend Romanticon will be a life-altering event.

FYI...for any of you who read yesterday’s blog, depending on what time you’re reading this, I’m either frantically packing, prancing toward a plane, trying my damnedest not to puke my ever-lovin’ brains out, riding in my limo, or safe and sound at the hotel in Akron with a stiff drink in hand and a shit-eating grin!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Countdown to Romanticon

Note: Please welcome my guest Elece Faberov. She's an aspiring author, a super ROCKIN' friend, and a first time attendee of Ellora's Cave's Romanticon 2011. She has kindly volunteered to blog for me today since I have a short road trip planned today. I'll be back next week with my report of the comings and goings of Romanticon. Will definitely be ready to DISH! Big love...Reg.

Countdown to Romanticon
By Elece Faberov

Can you feel the excitement? The Romanticon countdown is almost over. Only one or two more days depending on which day you’re arriving. Needless to say, the explosion of women ready to take a load off will be quite the event.

For a green behind the ears convention virgin like myself, the anticipation has been killing me. I discovered this jewel of a gathering while trolling the Ellora’s Cave site for submission guidelines. I joined the yahoo group immediately and posted an email about my fear of coming alone. The first reply came moments later, encouraging me to attend. Since this is a Tuesday, and we all know whose post this should guessed it, the ever-charming Texan and sweet as pie Regina Carlysle.

As they say, the rest is history. Oh hell, more like we’re going to make history! For those of you who know me, you’ll understand the quick change in gears of this post.

I can’t wait until tomorrow to prance my happy ass onto an airplane then fly with gritted teeth, clutching the gag bag through the friendly skies until it dumps me safely in Akron, Ohio. Five-inch heels and all, I’ll race to get my oversized luggage, find my limo (I’m not that pretentious ladies, that’s what they’re calling car service these days) and ride through unfamiliar territory to the hotel. Don’t worry, I have my meds lined up and will be fine by the time most of you arrive on Thursday. I apologize now to Valerie Tibbs whom I’m having dinner with shortly after my plane lands.

Thursday will be a blur of registration and meeting every one of you fine ladies I have come to know online. I have pictures of most of you, so there will be no escaping the mohawked ninja’s hugs and kisses. Yes, there will be many, but I promise no slobbering in my excitement.

Friday, not the day, but what I’ll be doing that day, is why I’ll have a drink glued to my hand from the moment I walk through the hotel days prior. Well, that, and St. Germain, club soda and orange slices in a tall glass and I are quite friendly. I’ll be pitching my story at 12:30 and haven’t a clue of what to say. Many offers of help have been offered, and I plan on taking each of you up on them. A drink in exchange for promise to not spittle in my stammering, but I’ll try to keep my umms and likes to a minimum.

From the moment I walk out of that pitch session, my mind will be officially free and clear. Who, what, why, or how anything happens will no longer be any of my concern. For those of you near and dear to me, please have your cameras ready. No, really, I take horrible pictures myself!!!!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Gone Fishing

Okay, not really, but I'm taking a short trip to check out Spookyville (also known as Salem, Mass) this weekend. Between working on Hot Text edits and preparing to take my upcoming Candace Havens class, I've had zippo time. Nothing new there, right? The cool thing about my quick Massachusetts vacay is that my fabtastic CP, Taryn Elliott, and I are hoping to set a series of books in nearby Quincy so this is a combo research/I love me some Halloween stuff trip. Maybe if I can find a couple cool things to give away I'll have some contests in the coming weeks to celebrate Bad Kitty and Hot Text's upcoming releases. We'll see how the shopping goes!

What are you up to this weekend?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A Window Into My Animal Magnitism

You all have followed me along my path of dating hell. Thank you for that. If I dropped any pieces, just throw them in a basket and I'll pick up some superglue next time I go to the store. By now you also know that I have a propensity to collect stalkers. No, I'm not kidding. However, you'd be proud of me.

Crazy Neighbor Tom isn't bothering me anymore. Not since I texted him to tell him that I didn't accept calls, texts, or visits between seven and seven, and if he wanted to talk/get a ride/needed a cup of sugar, he'd have to let me know at least 12 hours ahead of time so that I could work it into my busy busy busy busy work schedule (I may have made my actual busy schedule sound pathetically more so in that text I sent him.)

He tried to pull a power trip saying that his car (in which the brake line was leaking) didn't work and he had to walk an hour and a half just to get to the nearest bus stop. I had offered him a ride (OMG, I can HEAR you shaking your heads at me. LOL) as long as he told me in that 12 hrs ahead. Hey, look, I'm not mean and I really would feel terrible if someone had to walk that far. But after that text, and no word from him, I put it out of my mind.

Then he texted me to tell me he was at the bus stop and would I please come pick him up. Folks, it was icy rainy outside and it made me wince, but I ignored the text. Then he texted that if I didn't want to, he'd understand. Again, I winced and ignored. He called and I looked at the phone and thought about picking up but didn't. After seven that night I did the, OMG I just got your text... I'm so sorry but remember how busy busy busy I am? Yeah, still busy.

He hasn't bothered me since. Not even a whisper. I'm thinking the cold walk home in the rain was a good lesson for Neighbor Tom.

In the interim, because you know I can't go too long without attracting a crazy, I got an email from a guy I know. It was a fantasy email about what he wanted to do to me. In an airplane. Because he gets turned on by airplanes (Right? Yeah.). And because he works for an airline (and here's where I pause to wonder if he's always packing a woodie, and does a penile sprain constitute as a work related injury with all the "lifts" it must do in any given day), he gets free tickets so the fact that he's out of State, doesn't mean he can't "drop by" and visit. Oh yeah, and because his father and grandfather were CIA, he found my phone number and address, and hacked my facebook account "because he could" even though most of those things are unlisted. O_o

Anyway, when I first met this guy, he told me he was single. We'd been chatting as friends and I didn't think anything of it. So he came to see me and we got a little frisky. The NEXT DAY I found out that he not only had a wife and four kids, he had a fiance! AND he wanted me to be his girlfriend. WTF, right?

So, because this was way too... freaky deaky not to, I'm sharing the email. Why? Because I'm pissed. He won't leave me alone and I'm done. HEY AIRLINE DUDE if you found this blog, enjoy. Plus, I deleted that email address, unfriended you AGAIN, and blocked your ass on my phone.

To the blog readers, I apologize in advance for ruining Mangoes for you for the rest of your life.

Subject: Fantasy Flight

We've both traveled a lot and somehow airplanes have a special erotic place
in our lives - especially for me.


We're on an overnight flight from Detroit to Honolulu. It's a trip to
celebrate your accomplishment of being selected to the best seller list.

We are in first class and it's several hours into the journey. The cabin is
dark and only a few passenger lights for reading break the darkness. During
dinner we both had a couple glasses of wine - and had a tough time not
ravaging each other. Now with the darkness the tension and lust becomes
unbearable. Our plan is discussed and we agree to enjoy the passion

I whisper in your ear - Mia- go to the bathroom and remove your bra and
panties because I need to feel your firmness and wetness. You come back a
few minutes later and we begin to snuggle in two airline seats - I tell you
how incredibly lucky I am that you came into my life. We kiss softly and
probe each other while silently groping through our clothes to softly tease
each other.

I reach for you carry-on bag and quietly remove your 'friend' "Mango" - a
nine inch dildo that vibrates a million times a minute. You softly moan and
bite my ear lobe in approval.

We continue to softly kiss and my hands find their way under your blouse to
your waiting nipples. I slowly circle your breasts and gently massage your
nipples. My warm breath hovers over your neck and I let my lips and tongue
graze the skin below your ears.

You move your hand along my pant leg from the inside of my knee toward my
waist. A soft touch across my cock gets me aroused but then your fingers
cross to my inner thigh and your sharp nails dig in to remind me that you
are in charge.

"Mango" searches along the inside of your thigh as I continue to softly
pinch your nipple and kiss your neck. You moan and part your legs as "Mango"
searches along the inside of your thigh. Your back arches and you push your
legs closer to the edge of the seat as "Mango" first reaches the soft and
moist lips of your shaved pussy.

Your nails break the skin of my arm as "Mango" eases inside you and I turn
on the silent motor, very slowly I inch all of "Mango" inside you but it's
only a tease and the shaft withdraws quickly.

You whisper in my ear that if I continue to tease you - maybe "Mango" will
find a new home.

"Mango's" speed is set as wharp and this time he remains inside your love
cave while I love my fingers from your breast to your clit. Your first gush
of orgasm happens and the wetness feels incredibly sexy. I move my fingers
through your love juice and slowly circle your clit until you softly moan
and gush again.

That's my fantsy Mia

Where do I find these people and what the hell do I have written on my forehead in invisible ink??? Also, "Love Cave" and "Love Juice"?? Uck.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

FANGIRL ALERT and a Dedication of sorts.....

Note from Allie: Her IT guys have been hijacked by ladies of her court. Who KNOWS what they are up to with these guys so Allie is without internet. In the meantime, the fabulous and super sweet Marika Weber is blogging in her place.  Please make her welcome to our little spot on the planet!

FANGIRL ALERT and a Dedication of sorts…

By Marika Weber

I want to thank the Shiny Princess for allowing me to write her blog today. It truly is an honor, my liege….I hope that I do you proud. Here goes…

What to say about the 5 Wicked Writers? When I offered to blog today, I’m sure Allie wanted me to talk about her but I feel like I need to talk about all five of the most super women I know. I know all of them on different levels so I’ll talk about each of them separately and then as a whole.

Tess MacKall is a true southern belle. Just remind me never to get her mad. I wouldn’t want to meet her in a dark alley. She is the ULTIMATE Momma Bear. Miss with her kids or her friends and she can and will pull the trigger. Trust me, she knows a gun and rifle. Any good southern belle knows that. All that said, when I needed someone to read my first ever piece of crap, she graciously agreed and within minutes, I got page after page of nothing but red marks. Hell, I didn’t even know the difference between “show and tell” and trust me, I still have all those pages printed out as a reference. She will never know how much that meant to me and still does to this day. The first book I ever read of Tess’ was “Blame It on the Mistletoe” and it was a free read somewhere. I still have it on my Nook and re-read about once a month. “Strip Down” is her latest and you must rush out and buy this book! Trust me, you will not be disappointed.

Regina Carlysle is my sister from another mother. I’ve never met anyone like her and probably will not in my lifetime. She is a true friend, mentor and all around wonderful person. She makes me laugh; think outside the box and the best thing about her…she truly listens to me. Without her getting me off the ledge at times, I might not have any hair left. The first book I read of Regina’s was “Drilled” from the Cougar Challenge and I just re-read it last week. Nothing like oil, Texas and the men that live and work in our great state. I am impatiently waiting for Ransom’s book but I might have to wait awhile. She has been gracious with her time in reading my writing and I promise to dedicate my first book to her…if I get the call next month, since she read it already.

Allie Standifer is my shiny Princess friend. I really don’t know what to say about the Princess. She’s funny, she really is a Princess and she’s open and honest to a fault. I was introduced to the Princess through Regina and I’m so glad that I know her. Her blogs on going to a BDSM club in Los Angeles is a classic and I envy her. I read a lot of BDSM books and I want to go and observe. I’ve been told that they have the best cookies. Her recent release “Naughty Nature” was featured on my review blog with the links back to this blog for those that missed the original postings. To say that I still laugh out loud at them would be an understatement. She has assured that one-day, she will let me tag along with her the next time she goes to a club.

Mia Watts is an enigma to me, but in a good way. I admit that I have never read any Mia books, but I have read her Katie Blu books. And the two are as completely different as night and day. Katie’s “Surprised by Desire” is still a long time favorite of mine, and her latest, “Bet Me“ had me laughing and sighing at the same time. I have come to know her through this blog as someone that is caring, compassionate and hilarious. You must keep up with her blog posts on her girls and her dating adventures. Plus, I’ve been out of the dating game so long that reading about hers, makes me not EVER want to date again.

Cari, Cari, Cari…I knew Cari from another loop and was thrilled when she came over her to share her wisdom and humor. Cari never ceases to amaze with her time management skills, her books and her wisdom that she has dispensed to me. The first book that I read of her’s was “Full Disclosure” and yes, its still on the Nook and its re-read a lot. The follow up “Ex Appeal” is a perennially re-read, too. Impatiently waiting on the third one…”Provoke Me” is her latest release and I reviewed it for my blog and I truly didn’t know what to think of it the first time I read it. Knowing Cari’s writing, I sat down and read it again and rushed to write the review. I know that some people don’t think that erotic can be thought provoking featuring intelligent characters with real problems; well, they’ve never read a Cari Quinn book. I suggest that you do.

As I wrap up this blog post about the Wicked Writers, I just to thank them for the opportunity to blog here today and I hope that I didn’t bore everyone to death with my ramblings. I am truly blessed to know these women and I am proud to call them friends. I have reviews on some the books that I have mentioned here on my blog

Feel free to agree or disagree with me…

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Just Random Stuff

Note: My sincere apologies everyone. I scheduled this to post this morning and it DIDN'T. Oops. So here it is, better late than never I guess.

I'm posting random stuff today for a variety of reasons. Mainly...there are times when the brain simply isn't quite functioning on all cylanders because of overload. Yep. Definitely suffering from that. So I'll apologize in advance for my lack of wit and cleverness.

For roughly a week I've been buried in my cave trying to finish a book before I head off to EC Wonderland (or more commonly known as Elloras Cave Romanticon). It has been a tough job finishing this primarily because I'm angry. Yes, I'm angry with myself for procrastinating (my numero uno big time fault) and now I'm kinda under the gun here. Again, my own dang fault. The good thing is that I'm only about 5K away from typing the end on this hot little story. Actually I'm really liking this one and really hope my readers to do.

Another bit of randomness is that Mr. Regina and I are buying a lake house. He has wanted a great fishing spot for many years and recently we've come to the conclusion (now that our kids are grown) that life is too damn short. It's time for us to do something new, have an exciting adventure so we are closing on a spectacular place on October 14. The view over Lake Amistad from our big deck is incredible and we're looking forward to having lots of great times there and who knows? Maybe at some point in the future our kids will come with spouses and grandchildren. Not too soon, I hope, but one day. I suspect we will make a gazillion memories in this beautiful spot on the planet.

Yet more randomness coming....sometimes we must plan for the unexpected and that is just what has happened. I'm writing this post on Monday evening because we must take an unplanned trip out of town first thing in the morning. Sooooo. I'm up with the chickens and heading to Dallas with Mr. Reg. It will no doubt be a very long day. He will, as he always does, thrust the damn directions at me and then tell me my directions are WHACK as I read them. If it gets too bad, you'll see him hitchhiking home.I'm taking a stand here. He will navigate himself and if we get lost AGAIN, it's not my fault. :-)

All comments today on my burst of randomness are quite welcome. Suspect I'll be home tomorrow (Tuesday) evening and will answer all comments. Love Love.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Welcome our Guest, Elizabeth Black

Don't Call Me Baby – My First Swingers
By Elizabeth Black

Have you ever been to a fetish party? I've been to many decadent parties, in particular a sex toys party that nearly turned into an all-out orgy. At the time I was dating my current husband. I had never been to a sex toys party before and I can't remember how we were invited. But I wanted to go!
A comely married couple took to us. I was used to men falling all over me when I was younger, so seeing this particular attractive man practically drool in my presence flattered me, but what surprised me was his wife, who sat right next to him, didn't mind at all. That had never happened to me before. Normally, wives felt very threatened by me. When I saw her stand behind my then-boyfriend, her hands on his shoulders gently squeezing, I figured it out.
They're swingers!
I wasn't interested in pairing off (and if I had I would have chosen her over him.) but knowing we as a couple attracted another, more experienced couple thrilled me so much I still get passionate goosebumps thinking about it. We were looking over the sex toys, including a few games, and she asked me if there was anything in particular I liked. I said I wanted a good vibrator, since I had never owned one. She was surprised, and she helped me choose my very first rabbit. I know she wanted to personally show me how to use it, and I wish I had taken her up on her offer. She was very attractive in a tailored, tall, slim, short-cropped hair sort of way. She was also at least ten years older than me. I regret not taking her up on her obvious offers.
I wonder whatever became of her. She wasn't the first woman to whom I felt a strong attraction but she was one of the most memorable. That party influenced a fetish party scene I wrote for Don't Call Me Baby. Check it out below and get ready to take a very cold shower.

The scent of amber incense greeted her when she walked into the main hall, but her attention was on the banquet tables, which were stacked with food. Platters of fresh fruit and cheeses sat on one table. A crowd surrounded the centerpiece - a chocolate fountain. They dipped strawberries and fresh pineapple into the flowing decadence. The entire scene looked very inviting and Catherine suddenly craved a chocolate-covered strawberry.

As if he read her mind, Duncan picked up a cherry by the stem and let the chocolate run over it. He held it out to Catherine. “I see how you're looking at that fountain. This is your first treat.” The tart taste of the cherry mingled well with the sweetness of the chocolate. She reached for a strawberry but Duncan took her hand. “Not yet. I want you to meet the owners.”

As they walked through the crowd, hands reached out and touched her on her arm. Fingers ran down her back and in her hair. Sexy people winked and smiled at her, giving her the once-over, which didn't surprise her since she knew how sexy she looked. She eyed up the partygoers and saw a very attractive dark-haired man with a thick beard making out with a long-legged, blonde-haired woman. The man raised his head long enough to see Catherine staring at him. He smiled at her and invited her over but she stuck by Duncan's side. This is going to be quite some party. I wish I knew more people but I have a feeling I'll know them more than I expect by the time we leave.

They passed a crowd in front of a table covered in sex toys. Everything from slim vibrators to velvet cuffs and silk rope promised days of sexual bliss. She saw mannequins dressed in gimp masks and leather body harnesses festooned with metal studs. Maybe she could find a taboo sex toy a few notches up from what she was used to. She eyed up a metal spreader bar and wondered what it would feel like for Duncan to strap it to her ankles, pinning her in place for his pleasure?

Here is my blurb for Don't Call Me Baby.

Don't Call Me Baby is a fast-paced, quick-witted, sexy novel about a young woman exploring her sexuality and the cultural morés she collides with on a daily basis. It's 1983 in Maryland and Catherine Stone is sex on wheels. She plays the field the way men have done for aeons. Not content to strive for her MRS degree like so many young women her age, she seduces men of all stripes - married college professors, theatre students, virgins, complete strangers who intrigue her. She has already cost one man his job. But she asks herself lots of questions on her search to enjoy her sexuality. Why don't other women enjoy their sex as much as she does? Why do so many women and men look down on sexually free women, calling them sluts while sexually free men are called studs and Lotharios? She bucks at the double standards! Catherine has made no commitment to any man. She's free to explore and she gladly does so. No man can tie her down and no woman's judgment will stop her from playing the field to her heart's content. Does she meet her match in a new man who introduces her to sexual bliss she had never before experienced? When she tries multiple partners and bondage for the first time as a submissive, she believes she's found the sexual bliss she is looking for - and with a man who not only introduces her to the fineries in life but also cares about her like no man ever has before.
Naughty Nights Press releases this novel on September 30, 2011. Please visit my blog, web site, and Facebook page for updates, buy links, more excerpts, and reviews.

Don't Call Me Baby Web Site Page

Elizabeth Black - Blog and Web Site

Elizabeth Black - Facebook

Friday, September 16, 2011

School Daze

Sorry I missed my blogging day last week...I was suffering an extreme case of no-clue-what-to-blog-about-itis! No worries though, as I've come up with topics for the next few weeks. ;)

I've been thinking about school a lot lately. In my part of NY, kids went back to school last week. The school supplies in the stores are slowly being replaced by Halloween decorations. Schedules are being set and fine-tuned, and soon the newness of the school year will settle into routine.

I don't have children, but I remember my school days vividly. Some more so than others. I remember that sense of anticipation as the leaves began to turn, picking out school clothes and figuring out what to wear that all important first day. I remember the thrill of discovering which friends were in your classes and the excitement of all the new - new teachers, new subjects, new dances and club meetings. Schoolwork was important, but c'mon, checking out the cute boys was too!

The world brimmed with possibilities back then, and I think my melancholy when I remember my school days probably stems from that. Admittedly I didn't have the best time in school. Elementary school was awesome. Junior high and high school...not so much. I had friends and probably didn't suffer as much trauma as some kids did, but those days definitely left a mark on me. I lost a lot of my enthusiasm during high school, choosing to hide it under cynicism and sarcasm. Maybe I figured things would hurt less if I pretended I didn't care. I'm not really sure. But I miss that hopeful, excited person I used to be, so I'm trying to embrace learning again. I'm trying to let go of some of the cynicism and instead let what I love best about fall - the sense of upcoming possibilities - motivate me to try new things.

One new thing I'm trying new is a workshop taught by Candace Havens that starts in a few weeks. It's about revising your work, and I hope it's the kick in the pants I need to get going on some stalled projects. I also just bought a new camera. As much as I love writing, I need to pursue other creative avenues now and then to keep myself fresh. I miss taking pictures and can't wait to take my new red pretty camera for a spin.

What about you? Do you have fond memories of your school days? And what new things are you trying or exploring this fall?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Conversations with Neighbor "Tom"

I have been talking about my dating issues for a while, but people rarely believe the bizarro that I get. In the effort to give some iota of proof, I'm going to post ACTUAL texts from my next door neighbor who is pretty much creeping me out.

Keep in mind these are after he'd told me that he really was tired of the dating scene and just wanted a friend who'd jump on his lap during television shows for surprise sex, or give him a blow job randomly. This was also the conversation where he said he'd always wanted to date the girl next door (that would be either me or the 82 yo neighbor on the other side) so that he could stop over and have sex in the middle of the day. Then he informed me that he'd once seen a woman "squirt" during sex, and that he really wanted to see that again because it was such a huge turn on. He blinked at me and I think I said, "uh huh". I do remember walking quickly away.

We'll call him Tom, for the sake of this blog...

Tom: It is funny because we can talk out side because we are right next door.

(he's observant.)

Me: LOL, I know, but I promised my girls that tonight was theirs.

Tom: Yes, I understand.

Me: Thanks

Tom: I sent a request

(facebook friend request)

Tom: You like football because if you do I was going to see if you would like to go to a college game the games are on saturday

(all punctuation is his btws)

Me: I usually do, but I have a date Saturday. Thank you for asking though.

Me: Ah, my misread. You weren't asking about THIS Saturday, just asking about Saturday in general. Sorry.

Tom: So I did not now you were dating

Me: Well, yeah. I'm single so dating is definitely on the agenda.

Tom: Yes, I'm looking to

Tom: I'm single to

(notice, I didn't answer? He didn't.)

Tom: How is your book coming

Tom: K

Tom: Would you like to come out and chat

Me: Sure.

(Hey. I was feeling bad for the guy, and this is where he started talking about sex and squirting and doing the "girl next door".)

*next morning*

Tom: Good morning

Me: Morning.

(At this point, I have literally just poured myself a cup of coffee and started walking to my laptop to begin work.)

Tom: Oh you drink coffee.

(I stopped cold, remembering that his kitchen window is across from mine. He's watching me now? Maybe I need to give him the benefit of the doubt? Coincidence??)

Me: Yes. Why?

Tom: If you like to drink coffee and talk unless you are busy

Me: I would, but I'm working right now... And in pjs LOL

(after which typing, I could have head-smacked myself. It was an excuse to not be seen, not an invitation, but then, this is neighbor Tom.)

Tom: Ok im in pj to

(Yep, he went there.)

Me: Yeah but your pjs don't require undergarments.

Tom: Sweet i can see those :)

Me: "those"?? Those are things that get tucked away.


Tom: Would you like to come out there is something on the tree I would like to ask you about.

Me: I have to leave the house. Gimme half an hour?

(I get over there thinking my new neighbor has border issues or there's an animal in my tree. No. There isn't. He wants to fucking show me a bird feeder. This is why I stopped working to go over? This?? Fine. So I smile and chat. He talks about Stargate Atlantis which I actually happen to like, then he plants a hand on my chest between my breasts in imitation of the life-force sucking "Wraith" creatures on the show that eat with their palms.

Except, this is real life, he barely knows me, and he's just planted his hands on the inner swell of BOTH MY BOOBS. Hello!?!? I'm stunned, too stunned to react fast enough and by the time I do, his hand is gone. Suffice it to say, I left quickly. I ignored him for two days until I could wrap my head around it and decide to tell him off.)

*two days later*

Tom: Hey would you like to have some chili with me

Me: Sorry, I can't. My daughter is home sick and barfing. The other one isn't doing so well either, oh yeah and I sprained my ankle.

Tom: Ah i can rub it for you

Me: Ah, no.

Tom: Would you like me to bring a movie over

Me: No thanks. Not only is my daughter puking and needs me, I'm also at work.

Tom: Alright maybe some other time

Tom: Hope she feels better.

Tom: You still like to go to the football game saturday

Me: I don't think so. I'm thinking dating my neighbor isn't a good idea. Thank you for asking though.

Tom: Ok.

Tom: :(

Me: I'm sorry, but I was kind of freaked out about the hand to my chest (wraith) discussion.

Tom: I did not mean to do that i am sorry i was not trying to feel you

Me: Thank you

Tom: And besides that I was have not asked you on a date yet. When would you like to talk again

Sigh. He doesn't get it, does he? This is prime reason why I should not be unleashed on the dating population. I find the crazy and it sticks to me in a soggy, gooey mass.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

When perfect makes me hurl..

Not an attractive image I know, but sometimes I read about these heroines and I get sick to my stomach. Example"

"I can have fantastic sex with you, Rock Hard," Chesty Mc Millions breathed out. Her natural red plump perfectly shaped lips glistened in the sunlight. She shook her perfect head of just got out of bed curls and blinked thick long black lashes over her sorrowful and sexy yet innocent violet eyes. "I have a meeting to take over Donald Trump's business. Then I've got to hop over to the soup kitchen/animal shelter/after school program to volunteer there. After that I need to teach English as a second language to the poor illegal immigrants unable to work. Trust me if there were time I'd magically wax my legs, my bikini line & change the sheets on my all natural 100% recycled bed. But until I stop the astroid from hitting China, unarm a nuclear bomb designed to take out the UN & bake 1,00 cupcakes for the at risk teen program I have no time for melt your brain, legs to jelly, coma causing sex."

Rock Hard shrugged his massive shoulders, two hands lighting clasping the wide broom at his side. "Okay, Ms. McMillions." Muddy brown eyes narrowed in confusion as he stared at her. "Really I just said hello & asked how your day was going." In desperate need to get away Rock set the broom to the floor and continued sweeping the hallway just as he'd been doing before Chesty interrupted him. Damn, he thought to himself, some women weren't worth the breath it took to say their name.

Okay, so this is a slight (lol) exaggeration, but you get what I mean. The heroine is a rocket scientist who trains rescue dogs in her spare time. Or she's a brain surgeon with a heart of gold, but never had sex since she's always busy exploring the night sky looking for aliens or her home planet.

Does anyone identify with these women? Seriously do you think you would be friends with a woman like this? Or would you gather a posse of real women and beat the crap of her then throw her out of town.
My question is this. Why make the heroine the most beautiful women in the land, city or company? Really 'cause those women are a dime a dozen around here.

So share your opinions on heroes and heroines and the traits you hate in them. You know my opinions (way too much maybe) now tell me yours.

As always please leave a comment & you'll drop in my imaginary box & I'll draw a winner. Check back here at the end of the day to see the winners name. Then send an email to with your choice of my backlist books. Liz, you were the winner from last week. Please contact me with your selection.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Romanticon Checklist

Since I'm not feeling especially 'wicked' today thought I'd try to gather my thoughts enough to talk about conventions and the chaos that comes along with it. Now let me state right off that I know plenty of ladies who thrive on chaos and handle task after task with an ease that makes me slack-jawed. You people are my heroes. I've always sucked rocks at multi-tasking so needless to say that getting ready for Ellora's Cave's upcoming Romanticon has my panties in a bunch. The closer it gets to September 29, the more freaked out I become so I reckon it's time that I start making some lists just to put order to my thoughts. This being said, I know that once I board the plane that'll take me to EC Wonderland, I'll release a pent-up breath to the strains of the Hallelujah Chorus and release enough tension to sink a battleship.

That day isn't TODAY.

What I have done:  Booked the room I will share with Desiree Holt, bought plane tickets, arranged transportation from the airport to the hotel and back again.  I have bought two new pairs of jeans and some comfy shoes, mailed off a gift bag which will be given to one lucky conference attendee. NOTE: Did this Texas-y cowboy gift bag with Desiree and oh my, we have lots of goodies in it.I have bought promotional items for the swag table which includes pens (pretty blue ones), bookmarks, postcards featuring my Panther Moon cover, and magnets. Mailed those off along with the gift bag so YAY ME! I have also ordered and received a couple of Trading Cards which I plan to carry around with me and hand out willy nilly to anyone who wants one.

Still need to do: Buy a couple of cute tees to wear with my jeans, go through clothes and decide what I will be packing and FINISH A BOOK. Maybe that doesn't sound like much and it probably really ISN'T but dang it...these undone things are getting on my last nerve. To be honest, finishing the book is tops on my list and once that is finished and sent off for editing, things will begin to fall into place.

So if you are attending Romanticon, what is left on your TO DO list?

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A select-a-choice letter to men about kissing

Dear Men,

Yes, I'm dating. So you found me on (Plenty of Fish/Next door/in the supermarket/through a friend/Randomly), and I'm single. Please understand that while I'm pretty open about dating anybody, since we are all more than our appearances, you must be (divorced/single/widowed/unattached/this tall to ride) and should not be (under twenty-five/over fifty/heavy drinker/chain smoker/sporting diseases of unknown origin) to contact me. It's the minimum requirement. Since I have been good enough to honestly portray myself, I expect you to do the same in regard to your body type. Please don't tell me you are (average/athletic/a few extra pounds) when you are actually several widths larger than I am. No, I don't care, I have merely discovered that while you can fib about your size and brush it off, if a woman is ten pounds overweight and doesn't label herself as "obese", you go up in arms. I resent the (hypocrisy/judgmentalism/asshattedness) or your attitude.

Now that I have agreed to go for coffee with you in a public place, let's set some ground rules. I agree not to stick my hand down your pants in greeting if you will do the same. Yes, some of you are welcome to (kiss me/try to kiss me/shake my hand/receive a warm hug/handshake/fuck off), and I will be sure to send all the appropriate (signals/two-by-four) so that you may read me clearly.

Gentleman, allowing you to open the door for me and walk me to my car, does not mean you get to (grab my ass/hold on for dear life/stick your tongue down my throat/grab a boob). If we really seemed to click and I'm (smiling/blushing/laughing at your jokes/agreeing to see you again), a soft goodbye kiss (may/may not) be acceptable. At no time do I require you to do an invasive search for (my tongue/my teeth/my tonsils/my bellybutton).

If we get to the point in our (acquaintance/relationships/friends with benefits/no strings attached/stalkerdom) where I allow a more leisurely and private internal exploration of my mouth, please do not (treat my mouth as another opening/stick your tongue straight out and leave it there/slobber profusely/vacuum/lick). You may think I'm being (unreasonable/exaggerating/a tease/mean/completely honest), but realize that I am not thinking, wow this guy would be great in (bed/with a corner attachment/on other parts of my body/as my baby-daddy).

Thank you for (understanding/shutting up long enough to listen/walking away quickly).

(Sincerely/Make it stop/B'bye)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Heros...I'm too sexy for my belly rolls!

Picture this in your next romance book...

Thunder, the sex god, with his erotic pink domed scalp leaned over and licked his thin reptile like lips. "Suck me off," he demanded in the whiny nasal tone she adored. The thin short proof of his manhood wobbled as she tried to catch the cunning hotdog with her lips, but as usual the pulsing prestle proved too fast for her.
"Thunder, I'm sorry. You're too much man for me," she admitted ducking her head in shame. Oh why she wanted to please this man, to make him ache for her touch, but she never managed to live up to his godlike expectations.
"Gotta use both hands, sugar-tits, if ya wanna satisfy and keep me."
What woman in her right mind wouldn't want both with this man? Short in stature, but wide in girth Thunder was everything a woman could ask for in her hero. The case of beer that kept is belly jiggly and soft made her drool every time he wiped off his white discolored wife beater t-shirt and kicked off his Hanes stained tighty whities.
"You're just too much man for me, Thunder!"
Thunder preened under her praise and patted the thin combover. "I'm too much stud for anyone to handle, bubble boobs!"
So she leaned in again, ignoring the ache in her knees and slipped her mouth over his manly meat. The unwashed musky scent of him almost made her pass out in pleasure. Why, oh why, couldn't there be more men like this in her world?

So anyone see where I'm going with this? We allow our heroines to be plus sized, not so pretty and something plain until the hero sees that certain something special in her. Yet, the hero is never allowed to be so lucky. He needs to be smart, handsome, carrying a six or eight pack of stomach muscles & able to charm old ladies and cats. Very rarely do we see a hero with a paunch or receding hairline. Granted, I can deal with receding hairlines a whole lot easier than a poochy stomach. Yes, I get my own shortcomings in this area. I write all about hot heros and not stick thin heroines. But being in a size twelve is easy to accept in a woman. It helps pop out our boobs & makes great cushion as he's pushin. Yeah, that was lousy but I've only managed one cup of coffee today. Play nice.
Anyway, that's my thought, brain fart or mind bubble for this week. Why do heros always have to be sexy when heroines don't. Or why don't we hold the men to the same standard as we do our woman. Since I'm just as guilty as the rest of the world with male objectifying someone please play shrink & fix me.

PS: This is no way copies the brillant yet copyrighted Regina Carysle's blog from yesterday. Please ask Desiree Holt or Eve Savage for proof of my original lightbulb moment if necessary. Now go comment & quick trying to pick on innocent little me!
PSS: Leave a comment & you may get lucky. At the end of the day (my day not yours...I'm a night owl) I'll randomly pick one oh so lucky winner to have their pick of anything on my backlist. Yay you!!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Oh Hell No! Reading turn-offs

Scenario One:

Seductive Sally races through the Brazilian Rain Forest, bullets flying as Ripped Rob follows protectively behind. The bad guys are close, too close for comfort. Breath heaving and bellowing from her lungs, she plows through the jungle, trying hard to ignore the scratches that appear on her long, shapely legs as the rush ensues. She hasn't bathed in days. Her hair is a nasty, tangled mess and she knows no amount of laundry soap will restore her skimpy  running-from-bad- guys attire to its former glory. Panties? Yes, the lacy undergarments she'd donned three days ago were history and her ladies 24-hour deodorant protection long gone.

 Finally! Yes, finally the shooting stops. Ms. Seductive and Ripped Rob have lost them. Bosom heaving she drops down at the base of a massive tree. Valiantly, she ignores the bugs squirming beneath her as she gives Ripped Rob a seductive look. Sweat has effectively glued her thin tee shirt to her body and her heart races. But this time it's not from the wild dash through the Brazilian foliage. No sirree. Ripped Rob's eyes narrow to focus heatedly on her perky nipples as they press against her sweat-soaked shirt.
"You're hot, babe," Rob says, his voice rough with desire.Sweat streaks through the grime on his face totally turn her on. Well, yes she was hot. She has been racing through the jungle for the better part of several days but he wants her. He really wants her. "I think I'll strip those rank clothes from your body and kiss every inch of your sweaty skin. How does that sound?"
"Yummy," she breathes. "Come and give it to me, Big Boy."

Another little tale:
Victim Victoria is chained. She is a slave. Oh hells nooooo. Striped naked before a throng of hungry looking men, she squirms against her bonds knowing one of them, or many, all want to do the nasty with her. Whatever will she doooooo???? Wait! The crowds part as one of the lusty dudes pushes his way through the throng to claim her. Violence swims in his strangly sexy eyes.
"You are mine," he growls
Terror fills her mind. What will he dooooo???? What will he dooooo????
Scary-man carries her off to the nearest dirt floor, throws her down and looks mighty damn sexy while doing so. But still she is scared. Or is she? Victim Vickie's eyes widen in horror. Yes, horror. He will force her to have sex. He will force his massive, yes massive, THING in her. OWWWW. The pain. The degradation.
So yes, Scary-man wastes no time in 'doing it' to her as screams of 'don't hurt me' fill the room but suddenly Victim Vickie isn't scared any more.
"I think I love you," she whispers five minutes later. "By the way, what is your name?"

The scenarios above are my feeble attempt to illustrate two of my biggest pet peeves in erotic or romance fiction. Rape fantasy stories are a huge turn off for me and I won't read them. Violence against women is not my idea of entertainment and a heroine who is too stupid to live? Forget about it. My other pet peeve? Well, having sex while utterly filthy is just...well...nasty. What about you? What are some of your biggest reading turn offs?

Monday, September 5, 2011

Erotica For Men

***My apologies for missing last week’s blog post. I was sick with a horrible chest cold. 


Right now I have a dozen writing projects on the table. All in various stages of completion. I haven’t been writing for a few weeks now because I’m in the process of moving, and therefore I’ve had to travel right much in order to find a house. Plus the packing has been a much bigger job than I ever believed possible. But once I’m moved and settled in, I’ll be back to writing and whittling down the work in progress pile for sure!

As we all know, ninety percent of all romance readers---from sweet to erotic—are female. One of my unfinished works is aimed for the male audience—the straight male audience. I’ve been told that I do male POV quite well. And I honestly think I do. However, I’m still a female writing for men. So there is always room for improvement, isn’t there?

Just as we crawl into the heads of our female characters in order to portray them accurately, we must do the same with male characters. And that’s a big job. It’s more than giving the dude a swagger and having him spit on the sidewalk. LOL It’s a completely different way of thinking.

The story I’m working on is erotica—not erotic romance. You see, even though I write romance and sometimes have my heroes do incredibly romantic things, I don’t really envision men as being all that romantic. But that’s how I see them in MY head. When all is said and done, the way I write this story will be based on MY perception of men. And that’s not to say that erotica can’t be romantic or have romantic elements. It can. But when I write it, the tone tends to be very edgy—gritty.

The top ten sexual fantasies for men and women really aren’t that different. Men want to involve anal in their fantasies while women list forced seduction. But that’s pretty much the only difference, although men do fantasize about giving up control.

Since Ellora’s Cave announced the launch a male erotica line, I’ve been reading blogs here and there and paying close attention to what the male commenters have to say. I’m seeing everything from men who want lots of description to men who say they want more sensuality. Then there are a whole lot of guys who just want to read hard-driving sex.

There’s a fine line between erotica and porn. I’ve read all kinds of books claiming to be erotica and just shake my head because they’re really nothing more than porn. So what IS that fine line? And is the line for men different than the line for women?

Yes, I think that the lines for men and women are different. Emotion and characterization seem to be the line in general. Not so much storyline/plot (although there can be), but simply making your characters real and giving them emotions. And yes, I think the lines for men and women are different. What do I mean by that? Hmmm…good question.

Well…here it is…

I think women have a much bigger ICK FACTOR. We’re not as forgiving when it comes to certain taboos. But that doesn’t mean we women are prudes and don’t embrace our sexuality. Not at all. Think about it. Women writers put the erotic romance/erotica industry on the map!

So I think with male-targeted erotica, we can expect to see more taboo sex, dialogue that is harder—grittier, and maybe, just maybe, we women will learn something from these books. I’ve always said that if men read romance they’d have a much better understanding of the wants and needs of women. And the same holds true of any book that a man reads, of course. 

I'm looking forward to reading male erotica from my fellow EC authors. Nobody can do it the way Ellora's Cave can! Woot!!!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Happy Labor Day!

It's almost Labor Day in the United States, and I have one question...what are you most looking forward to this weekend? Kicking back, reading, writing? Maybe taking a spin on the rides at your local fair? Me, I'm anticipating the return of Pumpkin Spice Lattes to Starbucks, though they aren't out till next Tuesday. But they always say Fall's arrived and that makes me a happy girl.

What are your holiday weekend plans?

And if you need some spicy reading to keep your home fires sizzling this weekend, Provoke Me, Reveal Me and Personal Research have ALL been reduced in price on the Kindle! (And at other third party retail outlets too, I've heard.) Check out my available Ellora's Cave titles HERE and also shop some of the AMAZING EC titles by the other Three Wicked Writer chicks now also discounted! Katie Blu (aka Mia Watts), Allie Standifer, Tess MacKall and Regina Carlysle ALL have recent releases that you know you just gotta have!

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Disclaimer Alert

I've been thinking about disclaimers. My daughter pointed out that drug commercials will tell you how awesome their drug is, and then include death as a possible side affect. We've all seen them. "Hey, this super special drug makes your eyelashes grow longer!!!! Just be careful because it can change their color and possibly cause blindness. But your lashes will be AMAZING!"

Or, "I'm so sad. So, so sad. I need antidepressants and this is the brand I need. Now I'm skipping through a field of daisies, my dark frowny cartoon cloud behind me!" Ding, ding, ding, and your hidden prize contestant number one, is possible spontaneous decapitation!!! Yay! But don't worry, it's not self-inflicted death like it could have been when you were all down-in-the-dumps.

Or, "You have funky toenail growth? OH NOES! Use Yellobeegon and it'll all be better!" Except the side effect is something completely unrelated like, oh, Diabetes. Nice, Yellobeegon. Way to throw in a surprise disease.

Those are fun to talk about. We all do it and laugh at the ridiculousness of the side affects, usually because we don't have to consider taking the medicine unless it's worth it. This post in no way suggests that taking eyelash grower, depression meds, or toenail fungus corrective are bad. You should always take what you need to take after careful consideration. <--- see that? It's my very own disclaimer! I'm practically an industry now.

The second part of this post is related. The other kinds of disclaimers are the claims companies make that say their product doesn't or does do something other products have not claimed. Let me clear that up for ya.

Yesterday I saw a cereal ad on TV. We'll call it Special L whole grain. *wink* *wink*. The ad did the happily eating lady practically skipping back to the cupboard, leg extended as she pulled the box out (and by box, I mean cereal box, not the street lingo for that other lady type box which she totally was NOT eating).

Anyway, The announcer comes on and says something like, "Studies show that people who choose more whole grains in their daily diet are more likely to show weight loss."

Can I just wave my hand and cry "DUH!" Because let me translate what they were implying. "If you eat our whole grain cereal like this trim happy lady, you'll look like her and be healthier! Our cereal has everything you need for success!"

What they actually said, "In general people who already eat healthily tend to eat foods that have whole grains in them. As a study subject, those that live healthier lifestyles may find they lose weight with non processed foods and regular exercise. Our cereal can be added to a lifestyle like that but is actually just a side note in someone's already healthy lifestyle. You choosing our cereal while you sit on your ass and eat potato chips and Hershey bars the rest of the day won't do a damn thing for the numbers on the scale. We'll just let you believe it will, because we want to sell you the idea. You're welcome."

Or the insurance ads (there seem to be so many these days. What's up with that?) where one of them says, "OUR company bundles your usage so that your price is reduced. Aren't we clever?" When in reality, MOST companies bundle. But the suggestion is that no one else does what they do.

Or, "Other energy companies charge you on a variable rate plan. WE use a fixed rate all year long!" Yet if you look at the downer company offerings, why yes they do have a variable rate plan BUT THEY ALSO have a fixed rate plan depending on what the client wants. So the advertising company makes it sound like the downer company sucks rocks and jacks up prices every month, when in reality, the ad people only shared part of the information.

So what does this have to do with me? I'm gonna tell you! I'm a writer as are many of you readers. We need our own advertising disclaimer. I for one opt to use the bundle company technique. I think I should claim things that my books have and just ignore the fact that others have them too.

"Buy Mia Watts and Katie Blu books. SHE ALWAYS has a happy ending and there's tons of sex. SHE won't leave you disappointed and SHE never dumbs down her language because she knows her readers are SMART."

:) You see? I just made it sound like all the other authors don't have sex, use second grade wording because other authors think readers aren't clever, and I'm the only one with a happy ending. Who says you can't learn from television?

I suppose I should at least add the other kind of disclaimer. I mean old wive's tales should be heeded....

Announcer's voice: Reading Mia Watts or Katie Blu may result in blindness from excessive self-stimulation. Arousal lasting more than four hours should occur. Be sure to seek medical attention from a hung medical professional if symptoms persist.