As you can guess by the title, I’m discussing the wild and exotic life of an erotic romance author. Okay, so are you ready? I hope so, because what I’m about to tell you is top secret stuff. There’s no going back after this. Once you choose to read this post, you’ll be forever changed.
*takes a sip of merlot* Here goes. In a nutshell, erotic romance authors have the beauty of a goddess, the sex drive of a teenage boy, the stamina of a sixteen year old girl with a cell phone and the smile of a Hollywood starlet. When we aren’t writing we’re being pampered by a stable of men whose only concern is our pleasure. I can’t discuss names, of course, but our men have been known to grace magazine covers. I’m taking my life in my own hands by revealing this truth to you all today.
*pours more wine* Where was I? Oh, right, living in erotic bliss. I do wish to point out that we aren’t greedy women. We’re more than willing to spread the love via the wicked pen. Where do you think those delicious heroes come from? Not the imagination, I assure you. They’re real, living, breathing male perfection. Shh, stop that Blake, I’m trying to write. You can massage my feet later, I promise. Blake, he’s such a darling. He really enjoyed his appearance in Burn. I mean, what man wouldn't when the reward is having two hot ladies to play with, right? He thanked me quite....wonderfully. Back to the big secret. A few things you all might not be aware of. We shop at Vicki’s Secret, we take luxurious bubble baths daily, we sip only the finest wines and nibble on the smoothest, richest chocolate money can buy. Life for an erotic romance author is one big blissful party. Trust me, I should know.
*grins as Blake gets out the whip* Lordy that man has a fine body. Truly spectacular. Oops, sorry, I got a little distracted there. As I was saying, life for an erotic romance author is...excuse me for a second, someone’s calling me.
“I don’t know where your blasted shoes are, I wasn’t wearing them!”
Uh, you didn’t hear that, did you? Crap. Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now, huh? I suppose I might as well come clean. Erotic romance authors are, brace yourself, just like you. We’re soccer moms and harried wives. We run errands and do laundry. When we’re on a deadline, the dishes pile up, our kids get irritated with us and our husbands do a lot of groaning. How do we write the sexy scenes, you ask? Well, we use our husband’s as research assistants, how else?! Authors who also happen to be parents are the sneakiest people on the face of the planet. No lie. We come up with code words to keep the spark alive. Can I hear an amen?! When he’s feeling frisky it’s ‘let’s go talk’ or ‘wanna take a little nap, babe?’ When I’m feeling frisky it’s ‘my back hurts, can you massage it, honey?’ Eventually the kids will become wise to our devious ways and then all will be lost. My career as an erotic romance author will be over. In the meantime, if I need a hot scene, he’s more than willing to give me a helping hand. What a brave and selfless soul that hubby of mine!
Oh and if you want more of Blake's wickedness, check out Burn--which just happens to be at #7 on the Samhain bestseller list. Woot!