Who Is Raising These Kids?

A pet peeve of mine happens to be rude kids. Children who simply have NO sense of acting properly within society. Over and over again I have kept running into this as I was raising (still am with the 16 yr old) my children.

Now I'm not saying my kids were/are perfect. They're not. No one is. Not even me--though I come close...lol The other day I went through the drive-thru at Wendy's for a grilled chicken sandwich for The Boy. I had zoned out and the girl at the window was trying to give me the bag of goodies which I didn't see.
Once I realized this, I simply grabbed the bag and handed it to The Boy. He gave me this stern WTF look and told me I should have apologized for leaving the girl hanging like that.

I'm rolling my eyes here. Yeah, at some point my just-don't-give-a-damn works more than fine. I tried to explain to the boy that I was tired and cranky and it was just a small oversight on my part, but he was having none of it. We ended up getting into a heated argument with me on the stupid side, of course.

You can't teach a kid to have respect for all, to use social skills in every setting, and then fail miserably at it. He'll call your ass on it every time. He informed me at record pace that a minimum wage burger flipper's feelings were just as important as a high-priced attorney or a cop trying to give me a ticket.

Well...he was right and I was wrong.

In the meantime, he has friends galore who are in and out of my house who are rude and quite frankly socially inept. I have a new neighbor who is socially inept. I'm surrounded by people/kids who simply don't know how to socialize. One of the boy's friends has something to say for every single thing I say. He thinks he is correcting me. He's not, but it's weird. He comes across as this know-it-all who knows nothing and constantly embarrasses himself. Another one uses my house like it's his own. Last weekend I found him in my bedroom lying across my bed talking on his cell phone. He said he had needed more privacy. I keep my handbag complete with wallet in that room. I wasn't happy. He's also the same kid who used The Boy's toothbrush and brush. Uh huh... Caught him in the act.

Another kid saw that I had a load of clothes washing and stripped out of his and tossed them in--then exited the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and a smile. I can't tell you the number of times I've sent a text message to The Boy asking him to come downstairs because "we need to talk".

Bottom line? I keep asking him where he's finding these kids. He keeps telling me that all kids are like that. I keep saying "so you use other people's toothbrushes and wash your clothes at will and go and get into their mother's bed when you're at their house?"

To which he replied: "I'm not normal. I'm the exception. I'm too well-mannered and don't exactly fit in. But this is high school and I'm just hanging out. Just chill and keep telling me when they do something stupid. I'll keep them in line."

Okay.

Next?

This weekend I realized that I had become a taxi for about a half a dozen kids. My entire weekend was shot all to hell because of me giving rides to and from home--to and from the park, the mall, and movies, to all of The Boy's friends. That stopped Sunday afternoon at 4 p.m. when I declared myself exhausted. So I informed The Boy and he said he understood. Said he realized that I was doing everything and other parents were simply ignoring their kids and didn't give a damn where they were or who they were with or how they got there.

And that said it all.

Why are these parents not more involved in the lives of their children? Hell yeah they may be 16 but that doesn't equate to FINISHED!!!! There are two of The Boy's friends who have asked to come and live with us. No, they weren't joking. It was pitiful. They flat out told me that their parents had no time for them. For the first time in my life, I honestly didn't know what to say. I remained quiet for the longest time.

I hope I said all of the right things to these boys. Informed them that time gets away from you. That their parents loved them but work and general responsibilities involved with day-to-day life can really take up a lot of room in a person's life. I suggested they try talking with their parents. Try watching a movie with them and engaging them in conversation. I said a lot. But I was ill-equipped to deal with it really. Shocked.

My kid says he's lucky--even though I can be a pain-in-the-ass. lol He says sometimes I am just too involved in his life. I just looked at him and told him to get used to it. 'Cause it sure as hell ain't gonna stop any time too soon--hmmmm...maybe when he's 80. LOL

Clandestine Classics: IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

Okay, I’m going to confess something right off the bat here. I am not, nor have I ever been, a fan of the so-called classics. Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Sherlock Holmes, etc., were never high on my list of must read recommendations for anyone. I found the books to be incredibly boring.

Why?

Probably because I’m an action junkie and probably because I like reading sex scenes. Which, of course, is why I fell in love with Kathleen Woodiwiss romances from day one and why I like thrillers.

For those of you who love the classics—good for you. Nothing wrong with liking them. Just not my cup of tea. But now we have Clandestine Classics—classics such as Jane Eyre and Sherlock Holmes with sex scenes added—and I’m pretty excited about that.

Maybe now that the novels have been modernized, I can take another look and find what I need to give me a satisfying read and at the same time appreciate what others saw all along. Now I understand that when these tales were originally written there could be no sex. Society would have beheaded the authors if they had. LOL So who’s to say those authors, had they been living today, would not have included passionate, open-door sex?

Clandestine Classics is offered to readers by Total E-Bound Publishing. Click HERE for a list of titles. Those classics are in the public domain and anyone can use them. So what Total E-Bound did was to find some ab fab authors to take a few of these books and add some very sexy word count. You might also be interested in knowing that you’re not being charged for any word count other than what the Total E-Bound authors have added.

There’s been a whole lot of hoopla over these books. Some people are outraged that the classics have been touched. I read a blog post a couple of days ago in which the blogger claimed that this generation is warping society. LOL I know a couple of the authors who are involved in Clandestine Classics. Both are lovely ladies. Desiree Holt, who took on the task of sexing up Jane Austin’s Northanger Abbey, is a veteran writer of erotic romance with over a hundred books published—and she is a SILVER BEAUTY!!! 

Sarah Masters, the author who added heat to one of Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes tales, is an amazing individual. She writes under three or four different pen names and just blows me away with her writing talent. She’s also the best cover artist around. And she’s a MOM, wife, and a beautiful woman with incredible highlights in her hair that I’ve got to talk to her about (I want them. LOL)

Neither of these authors are warped nor are they warping society. LOL If you don’t want to read the books, don’t buy them. It’s simple.

I’d also like to mention that these books didn’t happen as a result of E.L. James and Fifty Shades of Grey. I am so tired of hearing about that book I want to scream. Does everyone really think that book was the first erotic romance on the market? It certainly seems so. No one is trying to capitalize on that book’s success. HELL!!!! Everyone is just trying to make a buck just like we’ve been trying to do for years! So just to make it clear, Fifty Shades of Grey did not start some literary sexual revolution.

We’ve been doing this for years.

As a matter of fact, if it wasn’t for Ellora’s Cave, the largest publishing company of erotic romance and erotica in the world, e-books wouldn’t be such a big thing now. That’s right. I give full credit to Ellora’s Cave. Isn’t it just lovely that everyone jumped on the e-book bandwagon? Must have been all of those people reading sexed up books that did it, huh? LOL And the vast majority are women, too. SCANDALOUS!!!!

Clandestine Classics are available for you to purchase today. That’s right. It’s release day. Here’s the link: http://www.total-e-bound.com/prodtype.asp?CAT_ID=306&sb=bt&ntt=3&so=all

Now here’s a little request for Total E-Bound:

How about a little Robin Hood and Maid Marian? And I would kill for some scorching hot sex scenes between Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara---but I’m sure there are copyright issues there. SIGHHHHHHHHHHH… Guess I’ll always have to simply imagine Rhett’s sexual prowess.

Congratulations to authors:

Sarah Masters, Desiree Holt, Sierra Cartwright, Amy Armstrong, Marie Sexton. And to Total E-Bound for finding yet another way to put erotic romance on the map!  

The Waves, Stars, and Bikers!

Yep, down here in the Myrtle Beach area we just finished up a couple of weeks of Biker Fest. I had heard horror stories about it. Well... turns out it really wasn't bad at all. There was a lot of noise, and I had trouble getting in and out of my street, but all in all it wasn't bad.

The police presence was overwhelming. Never saw so many in one place in my life. State helicopters flew overhead and barricades on residential streets were up. Overall, the police seemed to be in a pretty good mood. They smiled, laughed, and joked whenever you had to go by them in order to get home. And I have it on good authority that one particular dude in uniform got my oldest's phone number. LOL

I did see one biker trying to pop a wheelie on busy busy Hwy 17. He was in the lane next to me and when the stoplight turned green he popped it. Fool came very close to laying down that bike. AND! He wiggled his ass back on--wiggling the bike, too--for a good ways down. If he had fallen? God. I can only imagine the carnage.

The other thing that I had to deal with really only upset me on Thursday night (the 31st). The barricades weren't up yet in my area and bikers used the avenue next to my bedroom window for racing. I didn't sleep all night long. I thought about calling the police but just didn't. I worried someone was going to get hurt. But I also kept thinking that they were only trying to have some fun. You know... YOLO!

YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!

Last night we walked down to the beach about dusk. There was a guy with a parrot and he put it on my shoulder. I felt like a pirate. LOL I love the smell of the ocean. I just stood there watching those waves and the long shoreline with the twinkling hotel lights. Watched the last remnants of daylight fade to black.The stars are so bright here.

Doesn't get any better than that!

Oh Go Blow It Out Your Ear!

The place I lived before was a resort area. The place I live now is an even bigger resort area. But there is something definitely different about this one.

Actually, lots of things. But I won't get into all of that today.

One thing I've noticed is that people here are constantly blowing their horns at the people in front of them at stoplights or stop signs. I don't get it.

Now I'm generally a pretty attentive person. I don't linger at stoplights. LOL But I constantly have people blowing the horn behind me. Even if I am second, third, or fourth in line. And it scares the crap out of me every damn time.

What's up with these fools? Are they nuts? One would think that in a vacation area things would be slow and easy. And when people are walking--just pedestrians--they walk right out in front of cars. Don't even look. But in a car? They have no patience at all.

I'm pissed off! I'm going to start putting down my window and yelling out to the person behind me:

"OH GO BLOW IT OUT YOUR DAMN EAR!"

Living In Glass Houses

There are days that I just want to slap someone. Today is one of those days. I don’t know if any of you have heard about the sheriff in Arizona—the one who made himself famous for being so outspoken on immigration and allowed himself to be John McCain’s poster boy for the whole “build the danged fence” ad—but I just read about it last night before I went to bed. And well, I just think the man needs slapping!

All this time he has portrayed himself as being this major conservative dude, family-values-kind- of-guy, and now he has admitted he is gay. Not that a gay man can’t have family values, just not the kind of family values that conservative politics claims to be right. The one-man-one-woman kind of family values.

Hmmm… The reporter who broke the story is now speaking out because she’s concerned that everyone is focusing on his homosexuality rather than the real reason she outed him.

It seems that he had a Mexican boyfriend, and the boyfriend is saying that the sheriff threatened him with deportation IF he revealed the affair. The boyfriend had pics and texts and emails to back him up on the actual affair, but it’s unclear if he had any that would prove the threats. So the sheriff was forced to admit he is gay.

Now while I somewhat agree with the reporter—at least I agree that more focus should be placed on an officer of the law possibly threatening someone—I also have to say that the fact he is gay and has been hiding it is a major issue as well. Why? The man portrayed himself as a big conservative, and we all know that conservative politics does not exactly champion gay rights. So the sheriff has been living a lie in more ways than one. And a lie is a lie any way you cut it.

Can you be gay and also be a conservative? Well, I guess so. Sort of. I’m a bit of a political junkie. I started out as a major bleeding-heart liberal. Over time, however, my views changed. If pushed, I say I’m a moderate, but the truth is, I’m all over the place. I’m a big believer in the military, for instance. I think we need to keep a big military budget. I support this because I think it’s genuinely needed in order to secure the freedoms we all enjoy in this country. Do I believe in every single military action/decision? No. But overall, I’m pro-military. Period. And that, my friends, is a conservative viewpoint. On the flip side, I am pro-choice. And that is a very liberal viewpoint. Then there are the gray areas—capital punishment, for example. I have a lot of trouble with that one sometimes.

The point I’m trying to make is yeah, I guess you can be gay and still have conservative viewpoints. Just like I can be liberal on some issues and conservative on others. But…hmmm…

When it comes to personal issues of freedom—the legislation of what a chosen few believe to be moral—I draw the line. I could never support any candidate who didn’t support gay rights even if I agreed with that candidate on other conservative issues. Personal freedom is what our country is all about first and foremost. Simply put, it’s why we are all here. Freedom of speech, religion, press, etc. To hopefully live and love as we please.

So how can a gay man support candidates—or in this case be a conservative candidate for Congress (yep, he is running for Congress in a very conservative district)—and KNOW…absolutely KNOW…that his conservative brethren would, for the most part, not support his right to live and love as he pleases? What would happen IF he had been elected and served in Congress and all of this had never been brought to light? Would he support gay rights in Congress despite what the conservative platform dictates? I don’t think so. It’s my understanding that throughout the congressional campaign he has not taken a stand on any gay issues.

Sex scandals. We’ve damn sure seen enough of them, haven’t we? And I’ve always said that I don’t care what a man (or woman) does in their bedroom. For the most part—for the MOST part—it has nothing to do with how they govern. But there are instances in which their indiscretions do reveal just how dumb they are. It’s one thing to have an affair just for the sake of sex and sex alone—Bill Clinton, JFK, etc. (I honestly don’t think that Monica or Marilyn had any impact on important votes or policy, LOL)—but it’s another thing if an affair can somehow impact the way a lawmaker votes or doesn’t vote. And in the instance of this sheriff, now congressional candidate, he screwed up big time.

You know the guy could have had a very real impact on our world had he “listed” himself as a conservative gay man. I could see that. Maybe he could have helped soften the conservative viewpoint on gay rights. Who knows? And since he is trying his best to turn the focus of all this on the fact that he is gay and denying that he threatened his lover, maybe he now sees the error of his ways and understands that he could really do some good in this world just by being honest.

What I don’t understand and never will is why anyone sends naughty pics of themselves or emails over the Internet or in text and think they will never see the light of day?  Especially if you’re running for public office or are a famous person. Jeez. That in itself sort of sabotages credibility. I mean, doesn’t it kind of prove that the person has bad judgment?

I guess some people like playing with fire. But I still subscribe to what my granny always said: “People who live in glass houses should never throw rocks.”

Pen Names and Sensual Authors

Are erotic romance authors as sensual as the characters in their books? I had a reader ask me the other day if I was. After I stopped blushing, (YEP! I blush. Lol) I gave the question some real thought.

The truth is that I’m just plain not sure. How can that be? What I write is a direct product of my mind. Shouldn’t I know? All I do know for a fact is that I’ve never had any complaints from the male species. LOL At least not complaints of a “bedroom nature”.

I had a man tell me once that there was no such thing as bad sex. He said that he got off every single time and, of course, the only foreplay he required was to simply know he was about to get some. LOL Yep, he was one of those kind of men. Regardless, I liked him. He was funny.

But what has sensuality got to do with sex?

Everything and nothing.

Strictly defined, sensuality is basically engaging your senses for the purpose of enjoyment or gratification. You could feast on a bowl of juicy red strawberries and say it was a sensual experience. It’s all about what you experience through your senses.

As writers, one of the things we are supposed to do is put the reader in the scene. I like the idea of putting the reader in the shoes of my characters. So how do we do that? Well, first off we paint a picture for them. We use descriptors to let the reader “feel” their surroundings. But more importantly, we consult our characters’ senses. What are they seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, smelling…and thinking? If we let the reader in on all this then the reader can indeed walk in the shoes of our characters.

A lot of times I write about things I’ve never personally experienced. And that’s where imagination and—well, what I’d like to think of as talent—come into play. In my most recent release, Strip Down from Ellora’s Cave, I had a scene in which my two main characters watched a man and a woman have sex, and then they allowed themselves to be watched. Realistically speaking, that’s not something I’d ever do. In Scarlet Memoir, a book soon to be released from Ellora’s Cave, there is a scene with wax play. And WOW! When I read it back to myself? We’re talking hot, hot scene in more ways than one.

But am I personally, in real life, going to allow some dude—even one I’m madly in love with—to drip hot candle wax on my nips? HELL NO!!! My nips are precious, delicate. NO HOT WAX!!!

So does that make me less sensual than my characters? Nope. Just means I have a great imagination and can make a loaf of bread seem sexy as hell! Damn sure sensual. LOL Erotic romance is all about slowing down the scenery and making it real. Give the readers DETAIL. Make it last.

But let’s not confuse sensuality with different ways of doing it. It’s the way you enjoy it. How it makes you feel. How you make your partner feel that makes you sensual. So why different positions, situations, locations? Why show readers sexual scenarios that might not be the norm in their bedroom or our own? To engage the reader. Broaden their knowledge. Reinforce their fantasies—let them know we think about these things, too! We share a bit of ourselves with those who read our stories.

But just because we all share some of the same sexual fantasies it doesn’t mean we should act on them—or at least some of them. Lol Fantasy is fantasy. I sometimes fantasize I should be ruler of the world. Yep! I think I could straighten out a lot of things. LOL But should I try for that? Hell no. Gives me a headache just thinking about taking over the world. Lol Some women fantasize about something as simple as picking up a guy in a bar—sex with a stranger. Should they? Well, that happens quite a bit all over the world. Do I recommend it? No. Why? It can be dangerous. We all know that.

Let’s face it. Fantasies are just that. Fantasies. Acting on them doesn’t necessarily prove sensuality. But simply having them is very sensual. At least to me. LOL So do I advocate NEVER acting on a fantasy? Oh hell no. lol I simply say you should be careful.

To me, sex is most sensual when shared with someone you care about. Sex without emotion isn’t good—but that’s just the way I look at sex. Millions of people have sex all of the time without any emotional attachments. It’s just not for me. And that’s why I write romance.

Love is always at the center.

Now, by nature I’m a pretty reserved individual. I’ve even said on occasion that I’m kind of shy. And I’ve been laughed at for saying that, too. LOL Well, as we all know, it’s a helluva lot easier to jump online and talk trash and open up than it is in real life sometimes. No, I’m not a prude. If I were, I couldn’t write what I write. But I am a private person which is why I use a pen name. There are a few tried and true friends on the Internet that know my real name and even know what I really look like.

I’ve had requests from readers for pictures and even my mailing address. I’ve always declined to give out that information. Will I ever reveal my real name? No. Never. That’s a done deal with me. Unless I get to know someone incredibly well, that is. How about pics? As of now I still have a kid in high school. I seriously doubt I will post any public pics of myself until he’s out of school and maybe not even then. I’m not sure there is even a need. If I end up needing to do book signings? Then maybe. If I end up at a convention? Maybe. But for now? No.

I write about love and sexual fantasies. Maybe…just maybe…maintaining a little mystery for the author is just what the doctor ordered. LOL

I’ll be offline most of the day as I have some business appointments. I’ll check in later and see what everyone thinks of pen names and author sensuality. In the meantime, I hope everyone is happily reading, writing, and editing. Until later…

Christmas Sleepface

NOTE: This post will also appear at Romfan Reviews today as part of their Christmas Blog Hop. Please follow this link and leave a comment (do it here too) to win something from my backlist.

http://www.romfanreviews.com/


Aw, so you’re wondering where the word ‘sleepyface’ comes from. HA. Well, that was my husband and I during the early years of our marriage and our first attempts at playing “SANTA” for our two little ones. Naturally, I have tons of Christmas memories but the one that stands out in my mind and gives me plenty of eyerolling moments is the year my son wanted lots of Ghostbusters stuff from the Big Guy. Yes, I realize I’m seriously dating myself. As an empty-nester, I soooo miss those early years of setting out cookies and hot chocolate for Santa, sneaking around hiding presents, and the eventual assembly thing.
Well, maybe I’m not missing the ‘assembly thing’ so much.
That particular Christmas Eve, after family had left and our kiddos were in bed we mentally rub our hands together and get down to the business of playing Santa. Our little girl was easy that year. No assembly required. Then we get to our son. Whew boy! The Ghostbusters ‘hearse’, action figures, etc. were a snap. Everything was rockin’ and rollin’ until we got to the damn Ghostbusters firehouse. Don’t know if you remember it from the movie but it was a renovated firehouse (two stories) complete with a pole so the Ghostbusters guys could rush out to nab the paranormal critters. We knew we were in big, big trouble when we open the box and find not only a gazillion plastic pieces but a roll of stickers that could lead all the way to China AND BACK. Lordy! I think there were probably 500 stickers that had co-ordinating numbers to show you where to apply them on the house. Our eyes got HUGE. We were already exhausted of course because like a couple of dumbasses, we’d saved this for last. As I recall, sticker number 289 was an itsy bitsy doorknob that wouldn’t fit on the paw of a mouse. Before all was said and done, we were snapping at each other, positively freaked at the sheer time-consuming nature of this project.

So finally we get the damn thing done. It looked cute. The stickers were all in place and it was just a bit after 2:30 am. I apologized for being bitchy. He apologizes for being an irrational grumpy-head and we stumble off to bed only to be awakened at four am by our wide-eyed sprites. Four AM???? Seriously??? What could we do in the face of all this excitement? I stumbled out of bed and put on a pot of very strong coffee while our urchins played with the stuff. My husband and I were troopers and not about to spoil Christmas morning by sending them back to bed where they belonged. Nope. We stumbled through the rest of that day and I recall now that we took long naps the second our company headed out the door after Christmas dinner. Kind of reminded me of finals week in college. Yeah, that bad!

The moral of this little Christmas tale? When ToysRUs offers a $25 assembly fee, don’t be proud. Don’t say…aww, I can do THIS. Believe me. You are only fooling yourself. Pay the bucks. Save yourself some grief. Get a good nights’ sleep knowing that the price of a pleasant Christmas is a mere pittance in comparison to an all-night assembly fest.
Win a book!
Leave me a comment here and at http://www.romfanreviews.com/  And win a book from my backlist.

Where to find me on the web!
http://www.reginacarlysle.com/
http://threewickedwriters.blogspot.com/
http://www.reginacarlysle.blogspot.com/
Facebook and Twitter as Regina Carlysle
Look for my titles at Ellora’s Cave, ARE, Amazon Kindle and many other ebook retailers.

Hey baby, come here often?

I've been just dying for today to come around, because I want to talk at you!

My name is Abigail Barnette. No, I'm a liar. My name is Jennifer Armintrout. Under my real name, I've written a bunch of books. The Blood Ties series, the Lightworld/Darkworld novels, and American Vampire, which was recently named one of the top 10 horror novels of 2011 by Booklist magazine online. But my passion lately has been romance, so I began writing erotic romance as Abigail Barnette. Some of Abigail's books are traditional, with a twist– Bride of The Wolf is a historical romance with werewolves; the Naughtily Ever After series are retellings of classic fairytales. Others, are just twisted– if the idea of a Victorian-era BDSM club with steam powered sex machines intrigues you, All Steamed Up is definitely the series for you.

I'm so pleased to have been asked to contribute to this awesome blog. I think it's super fitting that I'm supposed to blog on Wednesdays. Wednesday is my daughter's name (no matter how often embarrassed relatives introduce her as Wendy). Also, it's hump day. And that makes me laugh. Ha. Hump.

And in the interest of transparency in this introduction, I must tell you all, I look nothing like my avatar. I look more like... well...

You know what, just keep imagining me as that slender redhead in the banner.

YAY I'M OFFICIAL!

It Must Be Thursday

There is this line from Buffy The Vampire Slayer where Willow or someone says, "Buffy, Dawn's in trouble!" And Buffy answers, "Must be a Tuesday". I'm feeling very Dawn-esque these days, except my name is Mia and for me, "It must be Thursday."

Today, like the past month of Thursdays, is another challenge waiting for my attention. You see, my air conditioner broke down on the first day of the hottest month of the year, in the hottest heatwave Grand Rapids, Michigan has had in years. Yes, that's my luck. Fortunately a guy friend (for he is not my boyfriend, but also not exactly a friend, but a guy I date sometimes. And by date, I mean fool around with when I'm bored--translate that however you want to) gave me his AC window unit. But, I don't work in my bedroom, so, I spend the days sweating--much less than sexy. And now, here I sit in air conditioned comfort, at Bronwyn Green's house. It's a beautiful thing... until I have to go back home again.

So I've been dating (follow me here, folks. I switched topics. Yes, I can do that.) a bunch lately. I'm not exactly sure how it all happened. I mean, I'm not exactly man-manna and so the fact that I've had six dates in the last five days with three different men, seems a bit--okay, a lot--out of character for me. Livin' the dream baby.

Here's the thing though. One of the guys looks like my ex but he's so nice. That's the AC giving guy. He's kind, non-judgmental, and if it makes me happy, then he's content. There's another guy I really hit it off with. I like him. He makes me laugh and makes me a little nervous. He kisses like crap and I have no desire to get physical with him for other reasons I wouldn't be a lady for mentioning. The third guy is hot. Like FREAKIN' HOT, but it doesn't look like he's going to call me back. I think the male/male erotic romance writer schtick kind of turned him cold. Too bad, because although he was a dick, I'd kind of like to keep that one around for visual stimulation.

Sadly, none of them get my motor going. It's like kissing a friend. Or a brother. I mean, you can squint your eyes and pretend, but all in all, they aren't the ones I want to end up with.

Back to the drawing board.

Any advice for the chronically dating? I'd love to hear it.

Perspective: Editor vs. Author

It’s all in the way you look at it.

I’m an author and an editor. So when I turn in a manuscript it’s perfect, right? Wrong. No way. Far from it. I think it’s that whole left-brain-right-brain thing. Supposedly it’s the left side of the brain that is analytical and logical and the right side that is intuitive and creative.

Theoretically, people are usually left or right brain dominant. My brain is split. Well, of course it is. I’ve never claimed to be normal. LOL The truth is, I suspect most people are split. Sometimes we’re logical thinkers and sometimes we’re dreamers. It’s just that simple.

So what the hell am I talking about? It’s like this. When I am in writer mode, I think like a writer. I’m creative. I envision scenes in my head and put them on paper. When I’m in editor mode, I am far removed from the story. I can’t envision the scene unless I read the words. Therefore, if the author hasn’t done the job well enough, I can’t see the action.

As a writer we know everything our characters are thinking and feeling. However, we don’t always get that down on paper. Sometimes we’ll write something and just KNOW that it’s as plain as the nose on a body’s face what we intended. Then an editor reads it and you’ll see CLARIFY marked next to those words. HUH?

When it comes to punctuation, one of the things writers are guilty of is misuse of commas, ellipses, and em dashes. Why?  Because inside our writer heads, we input pauses and interruptions and such exactly where we think they should be. We hear all of those little hesitations our characters make. We see their actions hesitate. So we automatically write it the way we see it, which, of course, is contrary to rules of punctuation! LOL

My first two editors told me I was a very clean writer. I strutted around like a proud peacock each time I heard that. But I was dumb. Yep, I was. That was years ago. Long before I realized I needed to study the craft of writing. As we all know, writing isn’t just about where to put the commas. It’s also about a whole lot of other things like POV, characterization, mood, tell vs. show, etc. etc. etc. The mechanics of it all.

You see, I submitted a manuscript to a different publishing house and was accepted. WOW! Wonderful. I was on my way. Right? Wrong. LOL The thing is, I thought I was a clean writer. But at this new publishing house, I was lucky enough to find an editor who knew her business. Yep, it was my first REAL edit. I’m afraid not all publishers and editors are created equal. Unfortunately, we usually learn that the hard way, too. I did.

So my first REAL edit got me on track. I studied like there was NO tomorrow, which is how I ended up as an editor.  

I know for a fact that there are authors I’ve edited for who envision staking me down in the desert and pouring syrup all over my body so an army of fire ants will come along and devour me. How do I know this? Because I’ve envisioned doing the same thing to my editors! Except I’m even more evil. I soak leather straps in water and then tie the editor to the stakes, including tying one around the neck. That way as the leather straps dry in the hot sun, they slowly squeeze. So the editor is both choking and being eaten alive by fire ants at the same time! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Every editor does it differently. Editing is subjective for the most part. As far as punctuation is concerned I tend to be in favor of how the author sees/hears it in their head. But as an editor, I have to at least try to follow the rules. My main concern, however, is with content. Readers aren’t stupid. They really don’t care too much about commas and ellipses. They care more about the story. So if they see a typo or some punctuation out of place, they generally overlook it unless it’s far too much to overlook—and that’s where careful study of the craft comes into play. While no two editors will see it exactly the same way, there should be enough consistency throughout a manuscript to nix all complaints.

So the next time you receive a round of edits and you open them up and GASP, take a step back. Remember that you’re looking at the manuscript through different eyes. It’s all a matter of perspective. After I’ve gone through an edit with an author, I generally hear back from them. What do they say? Basically, they tell me their book is much much better. I am often told that at first they didn’t trust what I was suggesting, but the deeper they got into the edit, the more they learned and simply GOT IT! Basically, authors hate me at first and we end up as friends by the end of the edit.

It’s an editor’s job to point out every tiny, itsy bitsy thing they see in your manuscript that could throw a reader out of the story. I don’t care how unimportant and minuscule it seems. If your editor isn’t doing that, then your editor isn’t doing their job.

Some writers turn in cleaner manuscripts than others. All that means is that one writer is farther along in the writing craft than the other. Doesn’t mean their storyline is better than the other author’s. Just means they did a better job of telling it. Which is what YOU the author want to do. Study the craft. Become one of those “clean” writers.

I was thinking this morning about the two cleanest writers I’ve ever edited for. And I’m going to give them a shout out. Hey, everyone needs a little pat on the back from time to time, don’t they? Those two writers are Emmy Ellis, writing as Natalie Dae, Sarah Masters, and under several other pseudonyms I can’t always remember, LOL, AND Destiny Blaine, who writes as Destiny Blaine, Natalie Acres, and a couple of more pseudonyms I can’t remember, LOL!!!

Both Emmy and Destiny are thorough writers with an excellent grasp of different writing techniques. They understand the mechanics. And I’m sure both of them would say that in no way does that mean they don’t need an editor. Both of them are smart enough to say just the opposite. That’s all a part of understanding the writing craft in general.

So hats off to Emmy Ellis (who is also the head of the art department at Total E-Bound) and to Destiny Blaine. You can find these ladies at their websites.

http://www.emmyellis.blogspot.com

http://destinyblaine.com

On another note, my newest release, Strip Down, from Ellora's Cave is now available at Amazon! Check it out! I'm getting the most amazing reader feedback. Emails have been pouring in. And the verdict is that Strip Down is one damn fine story! I suppose I should be humble. But somehow I just can't be. LOL

http://www.amazon.com/Strip-Down-ebook/dp/B005E8ALB6/ref=sr_1_8?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311608325&sr=1-8  

Where Does She Go Now?

I seriously doubt there is anyone who doesn’t know the name Casey Anthony. Many of you may have even followed her trial closely. Personally, I read daily news reports but didn’t actually watch the trial. My sis did.

The day the verdict came in my sis and I were both shocked. She was very upset because she'd felt certain the jury was going to return a guilty verdict. On the other hand, I was stunned because I couldn’t believe that the jury had set aside emotion and had actually considered the case presented by the prosecution and had found her not guilty. In my opinion, the prosecution had not proved its case and it’s just that simple for me. But I was expecting a guilty verdict just the same.

Now that doesn’t mean I believe that Casey Anthony wasn’t responsible for her daughter’s death. I do. But the prosecution failed to give any evidence that actually showed that. Where was the smoking gun? When did this little girl die? What exactly killed her? The facts were all over the place and none of them actually showed Casey Anthony in the act in any way.

While this trial was going on there was a trial in our state that also held my interest. Jason Young was accused of bludgeoning his pregnant wife to death. This was another situation in which I could not see the facts that proved the prosecution’s case and his trial ended with a hung jury.

In both of these trials, Anthony’s and Young’s, the prosecution AND media were able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that the defendants were lousy human beings. Anthony never bothered to report her child was missing (and we know that’s because she KNEW what had happened, of course) and Anthony partied like hell through it all, lying to the police. Jason Young had affairs and argued with his wife constantly. He even had an affair with one of her best friends—some friend, huh?

So both of these people were convicted of being lousy human beings but not murderers. I heard it said dozens of times in reference to Young that just because you were a bad husband it didn’t make you a murderer. Well, that’s true with Anthony as well. She was a horrible mother. But even if I didn’t believe she killed her daughter, I could never get past the fact that NO mother goes partying when their child is missing.

I suppose we’ve all tried to figure out what happened to little Caylee. I know I have. And what I think is this:  I read several times over the course of months that the grandmother was pretty much at odds with Casey over the way she was raising/treating Caylee. That the grandmother wanted her daughter to be more responsible. I can see that. Rings truthful to me. It’s my understanding that at one point, the grandmother stopped babysitting so much, trying to get Casey to settle down and be responsible for her child. Makes sense. But I don’t think Casey Anthony was ready for that responsibility no matter how much it was thrust upon her. I think she continued to party but could not find or afford babysitters so she took her daughter with her. And what did she do? Chloroformed her and duct taped her mouth shut, probably put her in the trunk so no one passing by her car could see the sleeping child and report her.

I know of two situations personally in which grandmothers have said they would no longer babysit their grandkids while the parents went out and partied and spent money they needed to raise their children. In both cases, the children were taken along to the parties. Yep, even into bars. And yeah, a bar should have stopped that, but these bars aren’t exactly the kind that really cares what happens. Fortunately the children lived through these situations but it did affect them. Two children were molested and  finally taken from the mother. The other children were also eventually taken from the mother as the mother “forgot” the children one night and they were found sleeping in a storage room the next day and crying because they were so scared.

What I’m trying to say is that at the very least, alcohol and drugs and young parents do not mix. Hell, I know forty-year-old parents who have no business being parents. Let’s face it. There are bad parents in this world. Parents without a conscience. Parents who are clueless as to how to raise a child. Parents who cannot clean up their acts and do right by their children.  Children are simply neglected. And not always in a way that you’d notice. They might look perfectly fine on the outside—clean clothes, nice shoes, etc—but neglected just the same.

When I look at Casey Anthony, I see a young woman who is disconnected from reality. Her daughter is dead and she knows what happened to her. Her parents and brother may as well be dead to her after the accusations she made in court with reference to molestation. She is the most hated woman in America. Yet she smiled upon hearing the verdict. Was it an evil smile? One that said, “yeah, I got away with murder”?  I don’t think so. It was the kind of smile that said “the jury believed me and I can have a life now”.  Disconnected. No thought given to her little girl.

But the jury didn’t believe her, did they? They just couldn’t get past doing their job. The reasonable doubt was there for them and they had to go with it. As much as I would like to have seen a guilty verdict, I’m also amazed at the way the jury handled things. They did their job.

So now she’s out of jail and in hiding. Everyone thinks she is going to make big bucks from all of this. Lawsuits are popping up like crazy. Jerry Springer offered her a million bucks to appear on his show. And everyone thinks she needs protection. That someone is going to see to it justice is done.

Is she really free? Is it possible that given time this is all going to go away and she’ll end up with her own reality TV show? Is it up to someone other than God to decide her fate now? I’m just wondering what everyone thinks about this. Was the jury right? Should the jury have been given an alternative charge with which to convict—something lesser and easier to prove? Where did the prosecution fail? Or did the prosecution fail? 

Where does Casey Anthony go now? 

My Life

For those of you who know me a little better than others you know my kids are my life. I think that’s the way it is with all of us basically. I guess sometimes people read what we write and imagine us dictating our stories to some overpaid assistant while we lounge in a round, king size bed flooded with pink silk draped from some ornate 24K gold canopy. Oh! And we’re petting a fluffy white poodle that’s wearing a diamond-studded collar, too!

But that’s not the case, is it?

No. Life is pretty much like everyone else’s here at my house. There are groceries to shop for, bills to pay, school administrators and teachers to deal with, homework help, etc. Life is normal. Well, at least as normal as it can be at my house. I’m a single Mom and have raised my three all by my lonesome. NO child support and NO help with all of the ups and downs of child-rearing I’ve encountered along the way.

When the middle child, at age five, developed some sort of seizures, it was me that trudged back and forth to Duke Children’s Hospital once a week for treatments. It was me who went to school every single day at lunchtime to give her meds (didn’t trust the school nurse, lol). When she ended up in the hospital for a week, I stayed with her nightly while the other two were farmed out to my sis—even though I left the hospital each morning at 4 a.m. so I could make breakfast and get those two off to school—and then back to Duke for a few hours before back home for pickups at school then back to Duke for the night so I could start all over the next day. It’s amazing sometimes how we can find the strength to do the things we have to for our kids, isn’t it?

When the oldest broke her arm at her shoulder at age seven and was placed in a weighted cast—she weighed forty-five pounds and the cast weighed thirty-five—I was the one who home schooled her and carried her back and forth to the bathroom and fed her while she was in bed. Do you know how hard it is to entertain a child who is basically in bed 24hrs a day for six weeks? I bet you do.

Then there’s the boy. Well, he fractured his foot once but he didn’t seem to need any help. Loved that big boot they put him in. He said he looked like a cyborg in it. lol But he did have H1N1 back to back (ya’ll remember Swine Flu, don’t ya?)—lasting a total of three weeks—and then went back to school and ended up in the ER with a horrible headache and jaundice like you would NOT believe! And the ER doc immediately wanted to test for spinal meningitis. He had all of the symptoms. The kid could not even move his head he hurt so badly. Or so we thought! LOL The doc was leaning up against the wall telling me about THE SPINAL TAP he was going to do and just happened to look over at the boy who was the sickest I’d ever seen him and about that time—at the words SPINAL TAP—the boy raised his head! So the doc says—“uhhhh…maybe not. He shouldn’t be able to move his head. Let’s give him some fluids and about half an hour.”

After two bags of fluids, the boy’s color returned and he could actually walk out of the hospital an hour later where he’d been carried out to my car before by a friend because he had been too weak to stand and, of course, put in a wheel chair at the ER. So he was diagnosed with his third case of H1N1.

Can you imagine how terrified I was? Yeah, I bet you can.

I’m sure all of you have jumped through the Christmas hoops, too! You know what I’m talking about. All of the booty is sitting there and the kids are so happy, and then it happens…

Something breaks. Something doesn’t work just the way it’s supposed to. A part doesn’t fit right. The batteries die. Parenting isn’t about the bright lights and toys and all the money you spent, is it? It’s about dealing with the broken toy and putting a smile back on that disappointed child’s face. It’s about love and understanding and having patience.

I used to be THE most IMPATIENT person on the planet. I was VERY demanding. Anything I wanted or needed, I wanted and needed NOW! So I thank God for blessing me with three children who taught me patience and understanding. And I thank my three children for giving me love and letting me love them.

Without that patience and understanding—and a very good sense of humor—I would not have made it. No way. I have the tendency to turn everything bad into something funny. Hey…you may as well laugh as cry, right? So when I went jockstrap shopping with the boy yesterday, I laughed a whole lot. When I retrieved him from football camp a while ago I handed him some Gatorade and had the AC vents blowing hard on him. He finally revived and told me all about it. Some guy twisted his nipple. Hmmm…

Yeah, they were practicing shoving and pushing off each other without protective equipment. But the boy did not expect anyone to twist his nipple. So tomorrow? I predict someone’s nipple is going to get twisted right back. You might catch my kid off guard one time—but not again. And I’m proud to say his mama ain’t no WUSS! I know how to shove hard, too, and I’m giving him the benefit of all my wisdom. So when he gets shoved tomorrow…someone’s going to be in the dirt and it won’t be my boy.

Raising kids is hard. Raising kids alone is even harder. Knowing the right things to say and do? Well, that’ll always be touch and go. No one has the right of that for sure. In the meantime I plod along, doing the best I can. Just like everyone else.