Monday, January 11, 2010
His & Hers
Okay, today I have to ask you all a question. It has zero to do with books and everything to do with being married. Yesterday, my husband went out to the kitchen to do something--I don't even remember what now--but while he was out there he started to clean. Do the dishes, wipe down the counters, put things away. I immediately went into defensive mode. It's so strange for me when someone else does something that I feel I should be doing. I can't let it go either!
The thing is, he was just there and decided to do it. No big deal, right? So, why do I start to feel like I'm suddenly not measuring up as a wife? In our marriage we've always had a very clear idea of who does what. And both of us are comfortable with that. And it's not even like he does the manly things and I do the womanly things. In fact, he's the cook around here. I clean up afterwards. I hate to cook and generally he hates to clean. So, it's a match made in heaven really. But yesterday, when he started doing MY dishes, I nearly flipped out. Not because he was doing them wrong, not because he was in the way and certainly not because he was complaining about the mess. It just felt like *I* was laying down on the job or something. It's a completely ridiculous way to feel and I should just be happy that he chose to help out. Actually, I AM happy. But it still feels strange when he does something that I consider one of my jobs.
Is this just me or do you feel that way too? I think this might be a control thing. I tend to be a control freak when it comes to certain things. Like, I'd hate if someone else did my laundry. In fact, my kids and I were joking about hiring a cleaning service. Why were we joking about? Well, because my daughters both said, 'mom, you'd only clean before she got here, so she wouldn't have so much to do!' Too true! LOL Sad when your kids know you THAT well! Even though I know it'd be great to have someone coming in once a week to do the big things around here, I know in my heart that I'd never truly be okay with it. Mostly because I'd feel like I was somehow slacking.
I know that part of this is how I was raised. My mom was big on all of us kids learning to do laundry, dishes, mop floors and cook. Laziness was not an option. I'm thankful she taught us to fend for ourselves! I guess my question to you is, do you hate it when someone else does something to help you out (simply out of kindness) because you somehow feel as if YOU should have taken care of it instead?
I hate that this makes me seem ungrateful. I truly am grateful to have a husband willing to do MORE this his share. Please don't get me wrong there! But in my heart I'm hoping that if he does it again, I'll be able to simply smile and say thanks, then go sit and relax. Relaxing while someone else is working though? Um...never been good at that! LOL