I'm talking about the double standards on what a male character is allowed to get away with that a female character isn't. I think it's automatic sometimes, as writers and readers, to give the hero more leeway than we do the heroine. Is it because we're harder on women because we are a female? I wonder if the opposite is true for a male writer or reader.
Anne, Regina and I were chatting the other day about some of these double standards. A lot of books out there have the hero as/was promiscuous. He's a bachelor and he's enjoying it. Of course that changes when he meets the heroine, but why is it he can have slept with half the town, but the heroine is almost always so virtuous? Why is it okay for him and not her? Granted I KNOW not all books are written this way, but it seems I read more that are than aren't.
I do believe erotic romance has brought us a long way toward evening those double standards out. That's one of the things I love about erotic romance: it shows women it is OKAY to be sexual. To enjoy sex.
Do you tend to let the hero get away with more than the heroine? Doesn't have to be pertaining to sex, but do you feel like your easier on him? I do some times. I think it's automatic and I don't even realize I'm doing it. I'm going to work on changing that.
7 comments:
I've always believed that women should be allowed to be as sexual as a man, w/o giving up her femininity. Most of my women are written as strong and capable, bright women who know what they want.
What I've found is that some of my *readers* (as opposed to fans)still demand the 'virgin' who needs to be persuaded. She can't possibly just want to have sex with this hot guy or guys. And those readers are universally women. We are far harder on our own gender.
I absolutely let men get away with having more of a past than I do my female characters. In fact, I don't even like to read books where the female lead has been promiscuous. Why? I think there's something appealing about the virginal (or almost) woman "rescuing" the bad boy from his wild and wicked ways. lol!
I actually believe that women are really HARDER on other women than we are on men. Don't know why it is and no, it's not cool. Think it might be realistic though. Women tend to shrug and think...men will be men and let things go. I know my husband often will watch a movie or read a book and comment that such and such guy is a pussy or a wimp or weak. So maybe men are harsher on men? Interesting. I'm gonna have to give this some more thought.
You know, I tend to think women are just more judgmental. I know in raising a daughter we often have conversations about which girls are behaving like complete sluts, etc. Sounds mean but I think every mother hopes her daughter doesn't bounce from one man to the next, not being careful or picky or whatever.
As a reader I have to say that I'm not really comfortable with a hero who has been a total manwhore. I don't think that the heroine needs to be a Virgin but she also doesn't need to be a slut. I think that we women tend to be harder on the female character because we want her to be the best a woman can be and not just another stereotype. Plus let's face it in a sexual relationship the woman has more at risk because women tend to get emotionally attached with sex and also because we're the ones that can end up pregnant....
Oh, I agree. We are harsher on other women. I don't know why, but I've had conversations just like you mentioned, Regina. It's sad I think.
Maria, I don't think we want either character to come off whorish or slutish, but I think (and I'm guilty of this) but I think heroes, the majority of the time, have been around the block much more than the heroine. Good point about us wanting the woman to be as good as she can be.
My comments mirror what Jolie said. Still, knowing that about myself and my characters it DOES frustrate me! I sincerely believe that the heroes and heroines should be equal. She SHOULD be allowed to have a past every bit as wild as his! I'm not sure why I don't write more like that. I guess because of the way I was raised. Yep, blaming it on my parents. That works. LOL
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