Monday, August 16, 2010

Erotic Romance Writers' Syndrome



Okay, today we’re going to come out of the closet. We’re going to shed light on a subject only whispered about in Erotic Romancelandia. We’ve all got it. All of us suffer from this ailment, this complaint—although why we’d complain is beyond me.

So what is it we all have? Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome. And what is it? Here’s my “scientific definition”:

Syndrome/ailment not yet recognized by the medical and or psychiatric community in which writing and or reading erotic romance brings about partial to full-blown sexual arousal. Sufferers of this condition (did I really say “sufferers”?) experience intense sexually related physical sensations within their body that can and almost always requires immediate attention.

To assuage the onset of aforementioned symptoms, the following treatment is recommended:

1. A significant other.
2. Anybody you can grab in a rush—latex required.
3. Barring the presence of available bodies—battery-operated devices.
4. Fingers (an old-fashioned method but still quite effective).
5. In some cases chocolate has been known to alleviate minor symptoms.


Warning: Cold showers only prolong the inevitable and are NOT advised.


Now raise your hand…errrr…come out of lurkdom and admit you have this situation any time you write or read an erotic romance. We’re all friends here. We understand your pleasure…errrr…pain? Are you one of those who body-slams your significant other when he/she walks through the door? Are you one of those who orders things that arrive in the mail in plain brown wrappers? Do you have Duracell batteries on auto-order? Has the chocolate helped?

If you write erotic romance and don’t appear to have Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome, then you’re not writing it hot enough—dig deeper and stroke it, honey!—you should be moaning and groaning at the keyboard, sliding off your chair. OR if you read erotic romance and have not yet experienced this incredible phenomenon, then I suggest you commit to this five-step program.

Five Steps to Developing Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome:

1. Read Regina Carlysle books.
2. Read Anne Rainey books.
3. Read Madison Scott books.
4. Read Natalie Dae books.
5. Read Tess MacKall books.

You too can be a proud carrier of Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome.


Many thanks to Madison, Anne, and Regina for inviting me to blog with them. I’m already having a great experience here at Three Wicked Writers Plus Two. Well, I think I’ve caused enough mischief for one day. Hope everyone is happily reading and writing. See ya next Monday!

36 comments:

Regina Carlysle said...

You know it's funny...I used to get myself pretty torqued up when writing a hot hot scene. Not so much anymore. Either I need to make my stuff hotter OR I am just numb from writing sex all the time. But hey, I think it's our job to 'titillate'. If we don't and the reader isn't feeling it, we must not be doing our jobs.

Great to see you here this morning, Tess!

Anonymous said...

Ha,

I attack my husband after reading a particularly hot book and he doesn't seem to mind...hehe!!!

Keep it coming...oops!!

Valerie
in Germany

Natalie Dae said...

This post made me LOL! I'm the same as Regina. It used to affect me but no longer does, and so I worry I'm not doing it right now. I used to blush too. Now, "those" words don't bother me, they're just like any other. Reader comments that my scenes are hot put my mind at rest, though.

I'll confess that in my early days I used to have to drink a couple of glasses of wine before I could write it. Now I drink soda or tea!

Tess MacKall said...

Great to be here this morning, Regina. And honey, I've read your work--I think all of it. lol And your writing isn't suffering. Probably what's happened is that your Erotic Romance Writers' Syndrome is just in its dormant stage right now. Syndromes do that sometimes, ya know? It'll come back to ya. lol

And yep, it's our job to heat up the pages for sure! Hey, somebody's gotta do it. lol

Tess MacKall said...

Whoo hooo, Valerie! You go girl. That's what I want to hear. A kindred spirit. Full-blown Erotic Romance Writers' Syndrome...you're a carrier and infecting your husband.

Tell me, does he let you buy as many erotic romance books as you want? LOL

Tess MacKall said...

Natalie???? Try drinking the wine again. lol You sound like your ERWS is laying dormant too. And no way your writing is hurting from it. So I wouldn't worry about it. Just have a couple of glasses of wine for a kickstart. lol

Lissa said...

I'm the odd one. I've not ever had it happen to me while writing. Reading, yes. Writing, no. And my latest obsession for relieving the tension is not battery operated. It's plugged into the wall...

However, in a pinch...

And, I don't think I'm doing it wrong because I don't get all hot and bothered writing it... Then again, maybe I am. Something to ponder for sure...

Molly Daniels said...

(slowly raises hand)

I've been known to attack my hubby after reading a Regina Carlysle or writing my own work:) And like Valerie, he is most appreciative, heh heh heh...

Tess MacKall said...

Lissa, you're in good company. Nat and Regina don't get all worked up either and I have pronounced them as having dormant ERWS. lol

So you must have it too. Cause there is obviously nothing wrong with you if you read it and it comes out. lol

Plugged into a wall, huh? Sounds interesting. lol WTG, girlie.

Tess MacKall said...

Another one! Yesssss, Molly! Work it, honey. You'll have to tell us all about how hubby appreciates it one day. uh huh! And I bet he lets you buy all the books you want and never argues about the expense too. lol

Stay in attack mode!Regina's books will do it for sure.

Debbie said...

I will not admitt to a damn thing. Nope, I won't, can't make me.

Tess MacKall said...

Hey Debbie, what's for dinner? LOL LOL LOL LOL .... No, not worrying about what kind of carrier YOU are woman. LOL

Debbie said...

LMAO!!!! Knock it off.

Regina Carlysle said...

Had to laugh when Nat spoke of having a 'glass or two' of wine in the beginning. I was that way too and writing the 'c' word or 'p' word made my face absolutely BURN. Now I guess I'm too jaded to be embarrassed anymore. siiiigh. Now, I write sex while sipping my coffee or a coke. Never flinch. Just do it.

Tess MacKall said...

heh heh heh...Debbie...for a cookie I might. Chocolate chip?

Tess MacKall said...

I had a rough time when I first started writing the hot stuff. I would sit and fan my face. LOL Seriously, I would. And the kids would scatter. lol

I never had to drink anything while writing either. But there have been times when writing and all it entails has driven me to drink!

I can see Nat now. Sitting at her desktop, sipping on some cabernet sauvignon...tapping away at the keys..."He thrust his **** inside her"...oooooooo my...another sip...fanning her face. "Her hips lunged upward." ...fanning her face, sip sip. LOL Too funny.

Anne Rainey said...

Great post, Tess!! :)

Tess MacKall said...

Thank you, Anne. Hope you've got ERWS! I'm sure hubby loves it. lol

Madison Scott said...

Love this post, Tess! It's funny because I don't get worked up writing... only reading! I think I'm in a "zone" when I'm writing.

So glad to have you a part of TWW!

Tess MacKall said...

hmmm...I see a pattern beginning to form here, Madison. Looks like writers only get worked up when they are reading. Well, with the exception of Debbie and me. lol And a few others I know. We must have a really strong case of ERWS. lol

But...reading it or writing it...as long as ya got it, ya got it!!!!!

Keep reading. lol And thank you so much for having me as part of your wonderful blog, Madison.

Roxanne Rhoads said...

Finally !!!!

It's good to know I'm not the only one.

Thought I was just a raging nympho

anny cook said...

*Snicker* Is that what's happening? And here I thought it was hot flashes.

Tess MacKall said...

Hiya Roxanne! We may very well be raging nymphos and my little "syndrome" is just a kind way of putting it--making it politically correct I guess you could say. lol

I don't see how anyone COULDN'T be affected by erotic romance. Heck, I used to get all worked up over those old fashioned bodice rippers. lol

And now we have erotic romance? Slap me why don't ya? Right up my alley. Do pigs like mud? Yep, they do. lol

Thanks for posting, hon. Glad you're a victim of ERWS. lol

Tess MacKall said...

Ohhhhh Anny! Good one. Hot flashes...LOL...If it's hot flashes, bring 'em on. Lol Hot is where it's at. And I've got a fan blowing on me 24/7!!!!!

Lisa Lane said...

I enjoyed the read. Great advice, lol!

Ruth said...

Hey Tess,been way too long and I have to admit that sometimes I find myself doing the unpardonable..... "skipping over" the hot scenes to read the good stuff like action sequences,etc.....

I think that's because the men in the books have become too unrealistic and the sex too unbelievable to sustain the arousal in many of the books today. I have to admit that the ones that seem to hold my interest are the ones that involve menage with slight kink and a little m/m action, but in a more realistic setting with all the real-life problems or maybe in a thriller/paranormal setting. Maybe I'm just getting old.....LOL

Tess MacKall said...

Hi Lisa...thanks for the read. Stop back by and check us out again. Glad you liked the post.

Tess MacKall said...

Ruth!Shame on you talking about getting old. NO such thing. I'm gonna have to send you one of our books. lol You need more build-up, honey. More sexual tension. You're a discerning woman and need that all-important anticipation.

You need stimulating conversation. Characters who work well together. Start off slow, but grow with each other. That's what it's all about.

Just be patient, hon. And check out our books. lol Help is on the way.

So good talking to you. Been ages!

Faith said...

Thanks for the chuckles this morning!

Tess MacKall said...

lol You're welcome, Faith. We could all use a chuckle to go along with that ailment we suffer from, couldn't we? lol

Louisa Bacio said...

Enjoy the read. Erotic romance "sufferer" and proud!

Demi Alex said...

Hahaha. How true.
Love the post!

Tess MacKall said...

Louisa! I so agree. Wear the label proudly. lol

Tess MacKall said...

Thank you, Demi. The purpose of erotic romance is to titillate the mind, soul, AND body. It's time we embraced it. lol

lisekimhorton said...

But naturally this author & reader has succumbed to this syndrome on countless (and I do mean more than I can count) occasions. Picture a woman digging madly in the miscellaneous drawer to find new batters (Cs, double AAs) to assuage the symptoms! But of course, if all else fails those digits or the non-vibrational toys will suffice. I consider it a great success if I write a scene that requires I take a "break" before moving on with the story. And dare I mention the joys of editing?

Tess MacKall said...

Oh God...Lise...too funny. I'm battery-deprived at my house. Too many gadgets around here. I'm lucky to keep an extra triple A for my comp mouse.

But you're right...those digits work. lol

And editing? God, I'd forgotten about the editing angle. Overdose of ERWS for sure. I'm just glad to hear I'm not the only one who "suffers" from this affliction. lol

Thanks for joining us here at 3WW, Lise. Loved your comment.