The Boyfriends

I have two girls in addition to the boy I mentioned in my post entitled The Dog, The Boy, and Tess. http://threewickedwriters.blogspot.com/2010/09/dog-boy-and-tess.html My girls are eighteen and nineteen. They, of course, think they’re grown. Well, at least one of them thinks she’s grown and the other one occasionally thinks she’s grown.

Because of their age and my reconciliation with the fact that neither of them are virgins—and why would I try to protect that anyway?—there are NO curfews at my house for my girls. Except when they have to get up early the next morning for school or work. Both work, but only one, “J”, goes to school and works. The other one, “T”, should be starting school in the spring—we’ll see. But the rule here is that you work and go to school. Life is not a free ride, and along with the good times, work MUST be included. So “T” does at least work even though she’s not in school.

As long as they give me good grades and make their own play money, I’m good to go. Or should be. Yeah, right. I’m accused of butting into their boyfriend business quite a bit. Well, I do. Why? Because they both have had some pretty lousy taste in dudes. I guess maybe they inherited that. Hmmm…

Anyway, “J” just got past a relationship with a guy who honestly was verbally abusive. Maybe more—but if he was, she knew better than to tell me at least while they were still together or may be too embarrassed now to admit to it. You know the kind of guy. One second he would tell her how much he loved her. How gorgeous he thought she was. How smart. Then two minutes later he’d take it all back. Call her names, etc. For nine long months I had to sit and watch this crap. “J” literally cried every day. There was NEVER an up day. And I sat back and wondered where I’d gone wrong. I’d raised her to know all the signs of an abusive relationship. Raised her to be strong and independently natured. Always told her how pretty and smart she is. So why did she allow this guy to take control of her and demean her in such a way? I have yet to figure that all out. Thankfully, she finally bit the bullet and followed my advice almost three months ago and is free of that jerk. She told me yesterday that she couldn’t believe she’d ever even liked him. Well, duh! I guess each woman has to endure one of those idiots so it sinks in. I just kept praying that she’d see the light. Some girls aren’t so lucky and stay in these relationships.

The new guy—yep there’s a new one. At that age guys are kind of like M & Ms. They come and go by the handful. LOL But this new guy is really cute. Has THE most incredible bright blue eyes. I like him. He’s the good ole Southern boy type. Very unassuming. Polite. Holds down two jobs. And he’d definitely take his gal down a country road and check her for ticks. *snicker* And “J” really likes him a lot. He’s 26. Seven years her senior. Do I see that as a problem? Nope. I am praying it means his frontal lobe is fully developed. LOL And after a month? I kind of think it is. At least he hasn’t pissed me off. That’s a damn good sign too. They usually do it within the first week.

As for the eighteen-year-old? Sighhhhh I just don’t know about “T”. Her issues seem to surround never being able to find a guy who will EVER make above minimum wage. Now before you throw rotten eggs or tomatoes, there’s nothing wrong with minimum wage earners. However, there’s nothing wrong with having a little ambition either. A little OOMPH to your goals. And her guy seems to have no goals other than:

1. Getting the brakes to work well enough on his ol’ junker to get him where he’s going THIS time.
2. Scrounging up enough change for Mickey D’s dollar menu. Sharing the small fry with HER.
(Okay. He shared with her and that SHOULD get him points. Uh huh. Yeah.)
3. Buying a hundred-dollar-pair of sneakers with his paycheck that was only $180.00.
4. Setting the seat in his car so far back that he is LYING DOWN to drive.
5. Outfitting said junker with bling that makes it AND him look stupid.
6. Borrowing money from HER so that she in turn must borrow from ME because he NEVER pays her back.

All in all? Big ole RED “L” is painted on this dude’s forehead. LOOOOOOSER! Okay. Some day one of these guys may turn out to be the next Bill Gates. But I seriously doubt it. I had a round with “T” this morning about this guy. She was telling her sister that her guy had not been paid yet again this week—yeah, not been paid seems to happen to him frequently. For some odd reason his boss keeps holding back his paycheck. Sounds to me like said dude is borrowing on his pay check and owes his boss. Then borrowing from my girl. Who borrows from me. THIS vicious cycle is now officially broken. So not happening again.

So, I’m doing what I do best. Snooping. Yep, I’m doing the old police check today. Yep, criminal records tell you a lot about a person. And then I’ll be calling on some people I know in the area where said dude and his dad live. Time to find out just WHAT this is all about.

Am I going too far? Should I just let it lie? Let her make her own mistakes without interference? Yep, I should. Except for one thing. Her mistakes always come back to haunt me somehow and forewarned is forearmed. I already told her she could hand over her hard-earned money to this guy again this week, but she better not ask me for a dime. Like that’s gonna happen. But she will learn the hard way this time that NO means NO. I dread it.

So how far have any of you ever gone to protect your kids from a relationship that was harmful? I’d really like to know. And some of you may even be able to give me some tips.

See you all next Monday!