Monday, February 14, 2011

Bite Me!

No, not you. That’s what I want to say to all those blogs and therapists out there who have all this wonderful advice for those who spend Valentine’s Day alone. So yeah, BITE ME! And just so you know exactly what I’m talking about, check out what they think will make everyone feel better.

1.    Take a nice hot bubble bath with scented oils and candles. Uhhh…okay, great advice for someone feeling lonely on VD, isn’t it? They’ve just been given permission to drown themselves. Oh and if the drowning doesn’t get them, maybe the candles will tip over and catch the shower curtain on fire. And there is always perching an electric appliance on the side of the tub, too.
2.     Watch an action movie or another type that will keep your mind off of romance. Sighhh…just what you wanted for VD. A nice two hour flick of blood splattering all over the place. Lots of shooting, revving up a person to off somebody—maybe an ex. Uhh…where’s my gun?
3.     If you know someone who is alone on this day and having a hard time with it, send them flowers or chocolates anonymously.  Oh that’s helpful. Make someone think they have a secret admirer why don’t ya? Then they can drive themselves straight into a rubber room trying to figure out who it is.
4.     Pull out that credit card! Buy yourself something special. Now that’s just special. Go into debt over this day so you can worry next month about how to pay the bill.
5.     Send yourself flowers. Uhhh…more money spent. And unless you are delusional, I think you might know that they came from YOU.
6.     Go to a sporting event where the focus is on the game and not hearts and flowers. Oh yeah, right. Don’t ya know that in that great big ol’ flat screen they will inevitably have, someone is going to be proposing to someone? And if there isn’t a flat screen, I can guarantee you that at halftime, some guy is going to walk some gal onto the playing field/court to get down on bended knee.
7.     Visit a local nursing home. Bring flowers and brighten a senior citizen’s day. Well, you know you’re past the point of no return and have hit rock damn bottom when you spend your VD taking flowers to the old folk’s home.

Honestly, I don’t know who comes up with these ideas but they are just plain crazy. For those who take Valentine’s Day seriously, those who might be feeling lost and alone, none of those suggestions make sense. Every single item listed is just a reminder of the fact you are without a significant other.

You’re thinking: “Okay Ms. Know-It-All, what SHOULD someone do, then?”

Glad you asked. LOL There are different ways to get through this day. Notice I didn’t say celebrate this day. What’s to celebrate?

One: If you’re still into a little lovin’ on the run, get all dressed up and go down to the local watering hole for some no-strings-attached good times. Don’t forget the latex.

Two: If you’re a bit more conservative and the bar scene doesn’t appeal to you, have some friends over who are just as unattached as you. You can compare notes on all your ex boyfriends and husbands and have a rip-roarin’ good time. Don’t forget the tequila.

Three: If you’re not into no-strings-attached good times and not into partying with friends, WORK. Yep, just work. Nothing like it for helping you focus and get rid of all the bad mojo. Stay away from love songs, chocolate, and the opposite sex as much as possible.

Four: Rent these movies: Love Story, Message In A Bottle, A Walk To Remember, Titanic, and The Notebook. Buy a box of Kleenex and a bottle of your fave wine. Put on your old pjs and fuzzy slippers. Sit down on the floor with your fave stuffed doll, pillows and blankets all around you, and let those cleansing tears fix everything. Oh, don’t forget to get up half an hour earlier in the morning to put cucumber slices on your eyes and make sure you have pain reliever handy for the hangover. You might need some Preparation H, too—for the eyes, silly.


Last but most certainly not least: Get out that e-reader and purchase a copy of Twelve Days of Love. It’s a feel-good romance that will tug at your heartstrings but in a very good way. Guaranteed to take your mind off the ex who left you for the bimbo down the street. 

Eden Riley left her high school geek days far behind. Or so she thought. But when she returns to her hometown and comes face to face with the local heartthrob, sparks ignite like a chemistry set on crack. Super-smooth Nick Lancaster sets her nerves jangling and thrusts her libido into overdrive. But can the former geeky girl overcome her insecurities and jump his sexy bones?

Nothing suits former jock and debate-team star Nick more than sparring with the one-time nerd. He’s just itching to get up close and personal with her high-velocity curves and tangle with her on the nearest horizontal surface.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, all bets are off when Cupid draws back his bow and Nick has only twelve days to convince Eden she belongs with him, in his heart and in his bed.

To Read A Full Excerpt, Click HERE.
To Purchase Your Copy, Click HERE


Molly Daniels said...

I'll take option #4:)

I realized a long time ago that my SU didn't have a clue when it comes to V-Day. So I make sure to do something special for the kids, and make him take me out to dinner. Unless the weather is too bad to drive, or we don't have spare funds, why should I cook?

Madison Scott said...

I like your list!! The book looks great too!

Ruth said...

Ah,Tess,love....and when it's just 2 days before the birthday of a husband lost 2 months ago..... I plan to watch one of his damned old John Wayne movies,keep the tissues handy and hug that bloody dog of his....oh,and drink a couple White Russians I have chillin in the fridge.Big hugs to you honey and who knows.... I might just read the book after.

Tess MacKall said...

Taking charge on VD. That should have been in my post somewhere, Molly. I always buy for the kids. But never get anything myself. But that's okay. Doesn't really bother me. It did a little when I was younger. But now? Nawwww... Hope the weather is safe for driving tonight, Molly.

Tess MacKall said...

Thanks, Madison.

Tess MacKall said...

Awww...Ruth. I've been wondering about you. Sent you a message via fB not long ago.

Did hubby like John Wayne movies? I know I love them. So yes, sit down and watch John Wayne tonight with your tissues. Hug that old dog tight. I slept with two dogs last night and they'll probably find their way to bed with me again tonight.

I do hope things are getting sorted out for you hon, and you're doing okay.

Big hug to you...

Miz Love said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ Rent these movies: Love Story, Message In A Bottle, A Walk To Remember, Titanic, and The Notebook.

You're MAD!

Love, Nat. (I'm in review mode/account today!)


Tess MacKall said...

Miz Love is visiting with us today...aka Natalie Dae...aka Sarah Masters. Who is this woman with all the identities? LOL

Yep, hon, those movies are guaranteed to make you blubber.

Elizabeth Black said...

Rent these movies: Love Story, Message In A Bottle, A Walk To Remember, Titanic, and The Notebook.

Bah! I hate those movies, except for Titanic. Even now that I'm married I won't watch them (except for Titanic).

How about these? Bride Of Frankenstein, Basic Instinct, Misery, and My Bloody Valentine. Or revenge movies like Kill Bill 1 & 2, The First Wives Club (that one got me through my divorce to my ex), and Double Jeopardy.

My day won't be any different from other days except my husband started his new job today. I hope he likes it. :) I'm spending my day writing and watching bad movies and TV, just like any other day. Oh, and eating lots of Necco candy hearts. I love those things. They're like crack. LOL

Tess MacKall said...

The point in watching those particular movies, Lizzie, is not to walk away feeling exhilarated over offing the bad to cry your eyes out and cleanse your soul over love.

Big difference.

Elizabeth Black said...

Okay, Tess. I see your point. When I was in college and years without someone I couldn't watch those kinds of movies because they'd only make me feel very depressed. I couldn't cleanse my soul with tears as much as I tried. Love Story never did much for me anyway because I didn't think it was particularly romantic. One I couldn't watch was Phantom of the Opera. That one would have me crying.

Tess MacKall said...

Love Story never did anything for ya? OMG...Lizzie. When I saw that movie I wanted to die. Just wanted to take my own life.

And I'll tell ya another one that made me cry like a baby--in addition to the ones I listed in the post. A Star is Born with Streisand and Kristofferson.

Elizabeth Black said...

No, never could get into Love Story. My mother made fun of me when I was teenager after seeing it and having no reaction whatsoever. She called me "hard-hearted". LOL A Star Is Born didn't do it for me either, but I liked the older Judy Garland/James Mason version much better. I am a sucker for unrequited love movies, though, so Edward Scissorhands had me bawling, and I'd likely watch it for a good, soothing cry when I'm feeling lonely. So did A. I., although that's more of an abandonment movie about a child. Rejection and abandonment movies are my weak point. They can get a good, healing cry out of me.

Delaney Diamond said...

Tess, if you're looking for a way to cleanse, Sommersby with Richard Gere and Jodi Foster will rip your heart out.

That reminds me...I haven't seen it in awhile. I'm overdue for a good tear-jerker...

Tess MacKall said...

OMG Delaney, you are so right. That movie will rip the heartstrings right out of your chest.

Fortunately for me...I just ignore VD and carry on. lol If it wasn't for blogging about it? It wouldn't even be a blip on the radar for me. I quit thinking about hearts and flowers years ago.

Which is why I write it. lol I'm much better at writing it than I am living it for sure. LOL

Tess MacKall said...

I don't think it was hard-hearted, Lizzie, just maybe romance isn't your thing where movies are concerned. Maybe reading romance gets you all teary eyed.