Tuesday, March 8, 2011

He ate my SPRING

Spring is in full force here. Trees are budding, the sun is shining and the wind is roaring like a lion. I love this time of year especially after the long, cold winter. But my all time favorite thing about spring is the appearance of Cadbury Creme Eggs in the grocery stores. I'm an egg-a-holic with no 12-step program in sight. So the other day, I greedily picked up three of them thinking I'd save them, savor them and indulge when I needed a nice little choco/creme-filled pick me up. Didn't really worry too much about squirreling them away because Mr. Regina often makes it clear that he's not much of a 'candy eater'. Um. Yeah right.

So the weekend was tough. I didn't get to write as planned because I had a small computer issue and was advised by my computer guys to not turn it on and bring it in on Monday. Yesterday I loaded it up and drove over to the computer store. I'm only about 5'1"...muchkin sized and I could NOT see over the top of the computer I was carrying so as I entered the store with my arms loaded down I tripped on a dumb mat they'd put in the middle of the floor. Damn thing was about 2 inches thick, I didn't see it, and my toe caught the edge. I flailed around and managed to keep my ass from hitting the floor and saving my computer in the process but I seriously messed up my ankle. Dang thing hurts like crazy now. It's a swollen, achy mess. Anyway, I get the computer in despite the mishap, pick it up later and as the evening wore on, I kept thinking about my Cadbury Eggs. I wanted one. I needed one. I deserved one. Hell, I'd had a bad day. So I go into the cabinet where I keep our chocolate goodies and they're GONE. Gone with the WIND. I think I actually gasped out loud. I'm telling you, I was just mortified and I knew damn good and well what had happened. Sucking in a deep breath, trying to remain calm, I limped into Mr. Regina's office.
I said (in my calmest, most reasonable voice). "Hey, I had some Cadbury Creme Eggs in the kitchen. Do you know what happened to them?"
His eyes went wide and then he narrowed them and puffed out his chest in a manly way that made me want to smack him. "I ate em."
"All three?"
"Yeah. I tried one and I liked it so I ate the rest."
"Did you think for one minute that I might've wanted one?"
He grins at me in a nasty way and looks pointedly toward my ass. "I was helping you. I was thinking of your butt."
GRRRRRRR.
So I left. I went to my own office but I was so mad I couldn't THINK. He ate my candy and was completely unapologetic. After a bit I couldn't stand it anymore. I limped back into his office and stared him down. It was an emotional High Noon. I swear.
"You ate my SPRING!" I hollered.
"Huh?"
"Those damn eggs are my favorite thing about spring! And YOU ate THEM."
He laughed and shook his head like I was a silly child obviously not comprehending the complexities of getting between a woman and her chocolate. "What? That's your favorite thing? Are you trying to tell me you don't like flowers?"
You can only imagine what I said to THAT!

Moral of this story: Hide the damn Cadbury Eggs.

37 comments:

Brandy W said...

OMG I saw you post that last night on FB. You know... this is why I <3 you. You tell a damn good story. And phooey on Mr. Regina. What bad egg etiquette!

As a side note. I really want some Cadbury eggs now.

Tess MacKall said...

LMAO...how tall is Mr. Regina? I can see your little sawed-off self puffing up to him now.

And I CAN say "sawed-off self" cause I'm "sawed-off" too!

I learned a long damn time ago to hide my special stuff. And I do mean hide. My fave spot? In my mama's china cabinet in the silver tea pot.

Funny thing, my boy does that same thing. I sometimes find his fave snacks hidden in various places in the house. LOL

Katie Reus said...

My hubby likes to steal my Andes mints so I've taken to hiding them and pretty much all chocolate. Sometimes it works, others not so much ;)

Harlie Reader said...

OMG! I'm still laughing! I have tears rolling down my cheeks! I personally don't like the eggs but I do like my jelly beans. At our house, candy is eaten regardless if you bought it for yourself or someone else. You can't hide it either. Hubby and son always find it. My hubby doesn't say he's sorry either and it just makes me madder......

I'm not laughing at you; I'm laughing at Mr. Regina. He is so much like my hubby in that regard.

Sorry about your ankle. That's no fun...

Next time, hide them in your underwear drawer.

Harlie Reader said...

One question........did you kill him?

Mia Watts said...

Baby, don't hurt your five, one self. Stand aside and let me smack him for you!

Anonymous said...

I don't like the Cadbury eggs. But I am with on the don't touch my chocolate or there will be a outline where you were standing. Stay away from my candy.

Regina Carlysle said...

Brandy...I'm getting some damn eggs and HIDING THEM. Can you tell I'm not over it? Bad egg etiquette, Love it!

Regina Carlysle said...

Yep, Tess, sawed-off, little runt sized for sure. He's about six feet but even when he's sitting he does that 'puffed up' thing that makes him seem so much taller than me. I truly DID want to smack that snarky grin off his face. I'm hiding them in my office, I think. bwahhahahaha

Regina Carlysle said...

Katie, I've hidden stuff before and he'll often stumble into my office late at night and start prowling around. Must think! Where to hide!

Regina Carlysle said...

Harley, I damn sure wanted to kill him, smack him and maybe slowly dismember! LOL

Regina Carlysle said...

Come on down, Mia and you can have at him! Seriously.

Regina Carlysle said...

Anon, why don't men understand this? It's a simple thing. Really.

Julia Rachel Barrett said...

Oh, your poor ankle! And oh, your evil man! What a lame excuse! I know what you mean about the eggs, except I don't like the filling. I remove it, then eat the chocolate. Yes, I know I could just buy the chocolate bars, but the eggs are so perfectly round and they only come once a year...
Hope your ankle is better very soon!

Laura G. said...

LMFAO!! I can't believe he ate them! Can't believe it! Wait...oh, yes I can! A similar thing happened to me when Mr. Laura and I got married...and it entailed the LAST chocolate Poptart. OMG! WWIII broke out at our place. I couldn't BELIEVE he'd eaten MY Poptart! OMG!! And I learned the exact same lesson... HIDE IT!!
I'm feeling for ya, hon. Seriously, seriously feeling for you. HUGE commiseration going on here. I know it's not SPRING, but here's a super-sized hug. (And if Mr. Regina knows what's good for him...he'll get his butt out to the store and bring you a DOZEN of eggs as a peace offering. Yes...I'm serious. Maybe two dozen!)

Regina Carlysle said...

He IS evil, Julia. He even thought this was FUNNY. I beg to differ.

Regina Carlysle said...

Two dozen might work, Laura. A chocolate poptart? Those are yummy. I would fight for those too.

Amber Skyze said...

Bad..bad, Mr. Regina. He doesn't understand what chocolate means to a woman.
Hope your ankle is feeling better soon.

C. Zampa said...

Bummed your toe but saved the computer...LOL..well, that at least is one way to look at it?

Ohhh...I know that feelings of hiding candy and then sombody EATING it! And I'm like you, those Cadbury Eggs and Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs ARE Easter! But then, those Robin's Eggs...and Chocolate Marshmallow Bunnies..and...and...oh, I'm so glad Mr. Regina's not at my house!!! LOL
Hope your to gets better!

Texas J said...

Jane M.
LMAO - I love all the responses you have gotten. My mother in law lives with us and she is a diabetic and not supposed to eat a lot of candy, I already had to hide my stuff from my DH now its double. Im only 4'10 but I just might have hit Mr. Regina anyway because he wasn't even sorry :D hope your ankle feels better, tell him he should go and get you some for medicinal purpose for your ankle lol. And yea they come snooping for my stuff but I hide stuff good now day! :D

Regina Carlysle said...

I know Amber, should've smacked him. I was civilized though. Just barely.

Regina Carlysle said...

Carol, I would kill for some chocolate right now. I'm afraid you've made it worse, my dear. Loooove Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.

Regina Carlysle said...

I know Jane. Medicinal purposes! I swear, I think we girls could build a pretty cool army. Love all this outrage.

Billy London said...

Does Mr Regina really not get how close he was to death? Funny as hell dude but I grew up with three men. I learned fast to hide anything I like. Always in the place they wouldn't ever look. Like behind my rom com DVDs...

Fran Lee said...

I am utterly appalled! That black-hearted bounder ate your CADBURY EGGS??? Tell you what, take an empty egg carton and place it in a well-hidden place, and fill it with Cadbury Eggs. If they are in an egg carton, maybe he won't bother them. Then again, being a guy, he might try to fry one for breakfast. Sigh.

wendy said...

I can't eat sweets i have low sugar I hope your ankle feels better soon.

Jen B. said...

HA HA! I know the feeling. The day my daughter found my chocolate stash was horrible! I reached into the cabinet to get my beloved candy bar and IT WASN'T THERE! WTF?! When I asked everyone, no one would own up to it! I discovered the truth a couple of days later when I found my daughter standing on the kitchen counter, head and arm fully in the cabinet digging around for more candy bars. And again I asked WTF? Because now I have to worry about her falling backwards off the counter. I still haven't found a better place to "hide" my candy. Hope you get your Spring back!

sheridan_amazon said...

oh Rita my darling sorry to hear that. I officially dub you the next episode of the show Snapped.

Aunt said...

Wowsers to the egg-eating and the smart-aleck comments. Is bail money needed is all I'm asking?
But I feel ya...certain time of month, eat my chocolate and ALL OF IT?! Jail-house orange ain't cute on everybody!
Aunt Toni

Regina Carlysle said...

Behind the Romcom DVD's? Hey, that's a great idea. He'd NEVER look there.

Regina Carlysle said...

Fran, he just told me that if I buy more he will find them and swears he is only concerned about the size of my butt. SNORT.

Regina Carlysle said...

The ankle is much better today, Wendi. I think I just twisted it rather than sprained it. WHEW. Still limping a bit, still an eensy bit swollen.

Regina Carlysle said...

Jen,your daughter was sooooo busted! LOL.

Regina Carlysle said...

You know, Sheridan, I was seriously thinking of the show Snapped earlier today while I was stewing about this. I can see the episode in my mind, can't you?

Regina Carlysle said...

I don't look all that great in orange, Aunt Toni but If I decided to go over the deep end, I know you guys will have my back.

BTW...he just walked in here looking really sheepish and carrying a half eaten bag of 3 Musketeer bars.He goes...here, you can have these. I don't really like them so you can have em. He was looking all apologetic but I wasn't born yesterday. I told him I don't particularly care for them either. I prefer Cadbury CREME EGGS!

lizarnoldbooks said...

What's your address, honey. I'll send you some eggs! "Mr. Regina" LOL. Have to use that on my chocolate-stash-eating-male-unit.

Hales said...

OMG that is sooo hilarious. Not hilarious that he ate your choc

But that you went in and yelled you ate my spring!

I love it and I hide my goods too. I so adore you woman lol you're my hero today.