Sizing Up Sexy

Before I begin today’s post, Natalie Dae and I want to thank everyone who voted for Black Cougar Curse in Whipped Cream’s Book of the Week Contest. Yayyyy!!!!! It won!!!! And looks like Twelve Days of Love will be having its own little “vote” soon, too. But about that another time. So thanks to everyone who voted! And if you haven't read Black Cougar Curse? Click HERE to find out more about it.

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My kid wanted Bojangles chicken. So I was sitting in the drive-thru line and patiently waiting, hitting the seek button on the radio to find something decent to listen to, when this sexy silver fox walks out of the restaurant. I did a double take. Whoaaaaa… Now most of ya’ll know that I like men with seasoning—kind of like my fried chicken! But in this case, the spices happen to be those seasonings that come with a little age and life experiences. I like a man with a bit of character in his face and salt ‘n’ pepper hair or hair with more salt than pepper. Lol I’ve always liked older men. Even when I was in my twenties.

Anyway, I’m watching this dude. Tall—at least six-two or three. Broad shoulders. Tanned. Nice butt! Handsome face—great Alpha strut! My gaze immediately rolled to his left hand. Is he married? No ring. Ohhhh…all right! Yeah yeah yeah. Like I was gonna jump out of the car, run over to him and introduce myself. So NOT. I never do. Guess I’m just curious. And I can always dream, can't I? But I’m way too shy to do something like that! Okay, okay, stop laughing. I am TOO shy. Stop holding your stomach, Regina! Stop it. I tell ya I am TOO shy. Forget it. Not listening to this snickering anymore.(LOL)

So I’m watching him walk into the parking lot and I’m holding my breath now just waiting to see which car is his. You can tell a lot about a man from the car he drives. You know it’s really just an extension of their… Well, there was a nice black Cadillac parked in the direction he was moving, and I’m nodding my head. Smooth, sleek, lots of quiet power—staying power. Ohhhhhh yeah. And then he immediately jumps into a yellow and black striped MINI COOPER! My face scrunched up into what I know was a look of sheer horror. I gulped, almost swallowing my tongue. That tall drink of whiskey had folded up those long legs of his and had gotten into a damn MINI COOPER! I don’t give a damn if Matt Damon DID drive the hell out of one in that movie. It’s just NOT the car for MY kind of man.

A picture of him in bed…uh…errrr…performing…came to mind. He was all over the place. And he was quick about it. Darting here, darting there, spinning around. He reminded me of a honey bee—only I didn’t want to give him the honey. And all the while I’m hearing: “I want a man with sloooooow hand. I want a lover with an eeeezy touch. I want someone who will spend some time. Not come and go in a heated rush…” (Love that song. Love The Pointer Sisters.)

Another one had bitten the dust. I’d have settled for a pickup truck with mud on the tires before that little, itty bitty box! I don’t need any bees buzzin’ ‘round ME!

Okay, I know at least one of you drives one of these cars. Or at least two of you loves these cars and wants one—but really? A man that tall? A man that built? Sorry, the car IS cute, but I can’t see the great Alpha male in that car. So my apologies if you are offended and happy driving!

A few days before this particular incident, I was sitting in one of the shopping center parking lots—not listening to music this time. I was thinking about a plot line. But my kid was in Game Stop and I knew it was going to be a while, so it was safe to think and jot down a few notes. A Dually pulls up in the space across from me. Big ol’ black one. Nice truck. And no, I’m not really into trucks, but I see them as Alpha material for sure—dependent upon which kind, of course, how well-kept it is, etc. This one was nice.

There was a gun rack in the back glass. Expected. A little deer symbol in the left corner of the glass. Expected. The door swings open and this big ol’ boot shows itself along with a long, camo pants encased leg. That boot planted itself on the pavement. I kept waiting on the other leg to join it. But it didn’t. I thought: Hmmm…he’s stretched wide right now. Yeah, I thought that. He had to be tall in order to do this. And he was. He finally brought that other leg out and stood. Ohhhh YUMMY! Definitely military. Biceps, triceps, pecs—all molded inside one of those tightly stretched Army t-shirts. I wanted to reach out and touch the Iron Man. And he HAD to be made of iron. Not a lot of hair, but definitely salt ‘n’ pepper. NO wedding ring. I shook my head. Why am I sooooo shy? REGINA!!!! I’m gonna have to gag you, woman!

And then?

He blew his nose. Through his fingers. Onto the pavement. Wiped his hand on those camo pants and started walking toward the sidewalk. I collapsed onto the steering wheel and the horn blared. I sat up just in time to see him turn around and look. I sank in the seat, making myself as small as possible. “PLEASE, dear Lord,” I prayed. “Don’t let this be the one who approaches ME!”

Thankfully, he moved on.

About a month ago, my oldest showed me a pic of a guy on Facebook that she’d met and was thinking about “hanging out” with. They don’t date these days, they hang out. Anyway, he had done one of those bathroom pics of himself without his shirt. NICE eight-pack. Very muscular. She was grinning from ear to ear. I nodded and said, “Yep, he’s cute. What does he do for a living. Does he go to school? What does he drive?” All of which got me a frown and a “none of your business” response.

Sooo…she’s been seeing this dude. Friday afternoon, he drives up and she runs out the door—followed by MOI! Yep, it was time for me to meet him. Ohhhh, she said some things under her breath and out of the side of her mouth to me. LMAO…no way was he getting away from me. And he saw me coming. Hopped out of his big ol’ green pick up (nice truck) and he was short. At least three to four inches shorter than her. Okay, nothing wrong with men under six feet tall. Okay. So nobody get all worked up over this. But I have this thing. I want the man to be taller than the woman. I know, I know. It’s outdated, silly, just so wrong. But hey—that’s me.

But even bigger than the problem I was having with him being shorter than her was his lack of MEAT. The boy was a stick. He’d blow away in a March wind for sure. There was nothing there to hold on to. Well, maybe I can fatten him up—stretch him out. Probably no need, though. She goes through relationships like most people eat M & Ms—by the handful. The one I want for her—and she doesn’t want—has a killer body, good lookin’ as sin, great job, great future ahead of him—has a kick ass tattoo on his back. Good personality. And adores her. And? She wants NOTHING to do with him. sighhhhh

But enough about me and my taste in men. Ya’ll got any funny stories about the Alpha who bit the dust? I’d love to hear them. Leave me comments. We’ll pass those war stories back and forth.

On another note, I’ve decided to start showcasing an author video each week. If you caught my debut blog post over at The Romance Studio, you know how fascinated I am by them. Here’s the link in case you missed that post: http://trsblue.blogspot.com/2011/03/move-over-steven-spielberg.html

The post features three book trailers that I absolutely love. Check them out!

Today’s video is by Lex Valentine of Winterheart Design. It was created for author, Debbie Gould for her book, November Rain. I’ve always loved the title of that book. And the cover is gorgeous—made by the amazing Emmy Ellis, aka Natalie Dae. Once you see this book trailer, I know you’ll want to buy the book.

So here’s the link so you can do just that: http://redrosepublishing.com/books/product_info.php?manufacturers_id=147&products_id=410

Now for the video…