Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Deep Thoughts





I’m often asked why I write and lately I have to say, I’ve been in a quandary about that. We write for many and varied reasons. Some are quick to say they simply love writing. Not a thing wrong with that. You love something, you do it. Right? That’s a no-brainer. Others write for a bit of extra income and some pen stories to be a part of ‘the writing world’ of authors, readers, publishers etc. These are all valid and sound reasons for wanting the life of an author.

Lately though I’ve been wondering exactly why I do what I do and each time I’ve asked myself that question I can’t think of an answer. Sad isn't it? Once upon a time I loved to write and craft a story that ate away at me until I could do nothing else but get it down. I was passionate about learning my craft. Driven. Ambitious. Dying to ‘get there’. When I became published and had reached that ultimate goal, I loved the world…meeting other authors and developing friendships with women who were like me yet, each very different from me, too. They are women who have enriched my life and I simply can’t imagine a day not talking with them.
So why the funk? Maybe I needed to have a little chat in the mirror with Jack Handey from the old Saturday Night Live sketch “Deep Thoughts” but in the end, a simple conversation with my daughter started me thinking and suddenly I KNEW why I wrote and why I’ve chosen to live this life.

Last night I had an epiphany.

My twenty-year old picked up a beautiful notebook I’d been given as a gift from an author friend. You know the kind…lovely and filled with blank pages just waiting to be filled. She said…Mom, I need one of these. Did you keep a journal? Yes, I told her, I wrote my deepest thoughts for years. Even when I was your age. She said…can we go tomorrow and get one for me? Sure, I said, not a problem. It’s good to write out your feelings. Sometimes it makes things more clear, ya know?

So as she sat near me while I worked at my desk, I noticed the intense look of concentration on her face as she typed into her own laptop. Of course, I knew what she was doing and in a moment of clarity I remembered again why I actually DO love to write. Even though a fictional story is, well…fictional…there is always a grain of truth to be found, isn’t there? I realized in that rare moment that I am constantly searching for answers to why people (even fictional ones) behave the way they do, say the things they say, and how they learn to accept and love. Yeah, it might sound kind of goofy to say that I am a truth seeker but I really believe that’s what motivates me to write a story.

What a relief to finally know.

14 comments:

Harlie Reader said...

Great post and I loved Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts. I've kept a journal forever myself. Unfortunately, I haven't written in it for awhile. Need to dig it out and write again. When I wasn't working, I'd write "letters" to my husband about my random thoughts and how I felt and he loved them. That is how my "wannabe" writer came about.

You will get your groove back; Stella did!

Kenzie Michaels said...

I've kept a diary/journal for years, but since I've been published, those entries are few and far between. Lately, I've caught myself keeping an online journal, and it's been the only form of writing I seem capable of at the moment.

Writing in whatever form IS about the search for answers, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

I just got to work, sat down with my breakfast bar and coffee to read your blog. I'll start with a big thanks for the misty eyes. :0). I am so happy that you discovered the foundation for which you write. Knowing the funk you've been in lately worried me, for you. It's never an easy thing, to watch someone you've become friends with in the slumps and not be able to help. I know we've never met, but that doesn't diminish how I feel! You've been a rock and a friend for me in the start of my journey into the world of writing. The world of writing wouldn't lose the woman, but the world of writing would lose a wonderful author. So needless to say, I am especially happy to see you've found your heart and passion for why you write!!

I think at some point, everyone falters in their steps and wonders 'Why'. But it's truly a feat when they gain their footing and press on.

XOXO
Elece

Allie Standifer said...

Sometimes you just need to see yourself from the outside in. Take your time and find a way to get back that spark of interest. Hmm, maybe something to do with showers....

Jen B. said...

I love epiphanies! I had one a few years ago but I kept it to myself until just recently. Now, you are probably thinking it is something earth shattering or universe changing. No, it's just a piece of truth about me that I never owned. I like to be alone and quiet. Yup, that's it. I really relish the 30 minutes or an hour that I carve out each day to be alone and quiet. You would be surprise how hard it is to carve out just 30 minutes a day for quiet. I hope you have great luck with your writing and you rediscover all of your passion for it.

anny cook said...

Isn't it wonderful when our children have deep thoughts? I'm glad you found your way. I've been worried about you. Sometimes though we just have to muddle through until we see the light. It lifts a weight from the spirit, doesn't it. Blessing on you this day.

Regina Carlysle said...

Sorry I'm late getting back everybody. Lots of writing today. So yes, I guess the funk is gone and I'm feeling some better today.

Harlie, I think there's just something about getting feelings down in writing that clarifies things. Like you, writing to a husband or friend or even YOURSELF helps clear out the cobwebs.

Regina Carlysle said...

It IS the search for answers, Molly. Humans are complex creatures and I wonder if we'll ever solve the puzzle. I started writing in journals when I was maybe 13 or 14 and kept it up all the way through college. That's a pretty long time. In the end, I think I just transfered things to my fictional characters but I'm STILL trying to figure it all out.

Regina Carlysle said...

Maybe we all have those little stumbling blocks from time to time, Elece. I know you are working so hard at your craft and you'll get there. Once that battle is won count on your friends (like me) to pull you through the rough patches. They happen. It's a rule or something. LOL. I can't wait to meet you at Romanticon! Feel we've known each other forever already.

Regina Carlysle said...

Thinking on this, Allie! LOL. Showers indeed!

Regina Carlysle said...

I hear you Jen. Epiphanies can be really small things. Just a phrase you might read or something someone says. A little deal and BAM, the light goes on and you realize something about yourself that you never knew before. Like you I need a little bit of quiet too. Just to let my head rest maybe. I don't handle chaos very well.

Regina Carlysle said...

Hi Anny! Yes, I found my heart smiled a little bit to see her finding a way to unburden herself. Writing down your thoughts and feelings (even if you've transfered them to fictional characters) is rather like praying, I think.

Tess MacKall said...

Journals can become very special to a woman. Something to be saved and tucked away--not to be revealed until death. lol I have several bound in a box at the bottom of a trunk--with a letter on top. Yeah, my journals need instruction and explanation. lol

Regina Carlysle said...

Mine did too, Tess. Lots of 'code words' etc! A year or so ago Mom called and said, honey, I have a big box full of your old journals. What do you want me to do with them? In an impulsive moment I told her to toss them in the trash. What on earth was I thinking????