Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Romance writers wreck homes, promote adultery, & cause weight gain!


Okay before you start reading my brillant, witty & thought provoking blog for this week. PLEASE do me a HUGE favor. (Hush Regina!) I need friends on FB or else I'll never live the shame down. Brenna Zinn is taunting me, in a not nice or playful way. You don't have to talk to me or acknowledge me in anyway but as a FB friend. PLEASE!! If you've ever enjoyed my rambling blogs, my books, or my scintillating personality then please click the link below & save me from public humiliation. Or at least more humiliation than normal.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1752240729


Now onto this week's real blog!!




Yes, you read right. As a romance writer I'm the cause of all your problems. Yes, fluffy butt quirky ole me, is responsible for the neighbor's dog pooping on your lawn, the flat tire you had in the rain, rising utility cost & the fact your boobs are starting to sag.

Okay, maybe not all that, but according to 'learned' psychologist romance novels MAKE women have unprotected sex so they'll be swept away by passion. Or somehow through mystical vibes I convince these same educated independent women to forgo protection after only a short time in the relationship.
I don't know about other writers...actually I do & all my characters and theirs use protection: No glove, no love! Yep, I have the power so beware you don’t tick me off or else I’ll have you rubbing dirty dime store lamps looking for a genie.

-We're also being accused of leading woman to search for more and deeper meaning in their lives and relationships.
Well, damn who knew I had that much power. Hmm, I'll take on world peace & that little chocolate=weight gain problem next. Really, what's the problem with people growing and expanding their horizons? Ignorance equals fear, which always leads to prejudice or more honestly plain stupidity.

-Next up in the line-up: Romance novels give women grandiose ideas of love.
And??? What the heck is wrong with that? Love is supposed to be amazing, frustrating, fun, scary & everything else under the sun. If it weren’t then the romance industry wouldn't sell billions of dollars of books every year. The music industry would crash, theatre owners would go bankrupt, & we won’t get started on the salon and lingerie business. Really would you wax there if there weren’t a man to love in your picture?

-Romance writers lead readers away from reality.
Again I say...AND? What part of fiction is so hard for shrinks to understand? It's not real! It’s a fresh break from a reality filled with a demanding job, demanding kids, demanding spouses, friends, housework, family and the little things that make up our daily lives.

-Romance novels make readers believe in myths and fairytales.
Umm, yeah this is a two-part problem as I see. One because (see above) there is nothing wrong with having an imagination and using it. Keeps life interesting and opens your mind. Part two when I go for a walk at night I don't expect to be attacked by hungry vampires, horny shifters, escaped demons, glittering fae princes or smart-ass demi-gods. I've never had a reader tell me they do either.

-Given the perspective of shrinks our readers should be dressed in fairy princess gowns, Zena warrior leather or some space pirate/princess babe. Able to eat whatever they want without gaining an ounce, never lose their cool while being shot at, bombs exploding or held prisoner by evil henchmen determined to take over the world. In this mindset our readers would also have psychic powers, incredible perky breasts that never sagged & the power to orgasm at the touch of a finger. Also in these good doctors opinions my readers should be trapping wolves while trying to get them to change & bite them. Or hanging around cemeteries waiting for the dead love of their soon to be immortal lives to rise. Better yet romance readers would be forever hiding in their homes, away from life terrified the serial killer, who for some reason focused solely on her, would kill her. ‘Cause it’s such a close possibility, right?
The Truth According to This Writer
My readers are intelligent women and men who know the difference between a reality created to entertain them and reality that involves picking up dog poop & forgetting to flush the toilet. Blaming romance writers for unplanned pregnancies, rising STDs, adultery and divorce is ridiculous and childish. No one can make someone do anything without his or her permission.
My take on this insane psychological study? It’s crap, an easy convenient excuse to shove the blame, guilt and responsibility anywhere, but where it belongs. On the adults in charge of their own actions.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to jump into the deepest part of the Atlantic Ocean because I read that’s where all Poseidon’s demi-god sons hang out. And I want me some of that immortal hotness.

35 comments:

Lisa Kait said...

LOL...this was a great blog. It always amazes me how these so-called professionals judge what they don't have a clue about. Some of the happiest people I know read romance. Some of the saddest people are the ones who go around judging others for what they read. Not only am I happy with my reading habits, but so is my Husband.*grins and winks* So keep up the wicked writing ladies...

Kiru Taye said...

Thank you for a humorous blog on a ridiculous article.
All i have to say is that reading romance has done me and my husband no harm, if you catch my drift. *wink wink* LOL

Harlie Reader said...

Oksy, I'm your friend where ever you are on the web so quite begging.

Anywoo...my hubby likes that I read romance. **winks and sighs** That so call whatever is full of crap and they know it. So I guess if you read a Lisa Gardner book, you're gonna go out and kill someone? Or maybe a Tom Clancey and try to blow up the world?

I wish these so called experts would shut up. Did all the kids/adults in the world read Harry Potter and decide to fly off the roofs of their houses just because Harry can? No, they did.

Geez...what an idiot and its too damn early in the morning for this...thanks for the post Allie.

Anonymous said...

Good Lordy, woman!! It's too early in the morning to read such hilarious crap! And crap is what it is. Your take on it all, is not. Though choking on smoke and coffee dribbling out of my nose first thing is the morning didn't feel so hot.

I have to wonder if these so called psychiatrist actually read the books they love to blame. They probably don't and more probably need to get laid!! Reading, writing and/or fantasizing about romance and the alpha males within is truly a wonderful way to escape the harshness of every day life. Without it, I'd probably be a looney! So thank you and to all the fabulous women who write the stuff of pure fun imagination. I be smart...I know it's not real!!! ;0)))

Elece

Tarah Scott said...

I wonder that the psychologist didn't site books like Lord of the Rings for leading readers astray with unrealistic stories about people willing to risk their lives for a cause greater than themselves, and friendships that test the bounds of physical endurance. Tsk, tsk. Tolkien, you dog, you.

Fleeta Cunningham said...

Good grief! Why not blame Hansel and Gretel for the stress found in blended families. Or Snow White for every person seeking mutiple partners. Is there something wrong with giving a reader a little little time away from the daily grind? Or suggesting that a man and a woman might find joy and satisfaction in their relationship regardless of the day to day conflicts? And I like having a guaranteed happy ending...life doesn't make that promise. Love your blog and glad I found you. Keep on making trouble. We'll help!

Tess MacKall said...

Woman...you crack me up!

I'd friend ya on FB but we're already friends. Should I create another page under another name and friend you? Or is that cheating? Let me know! LMAO

Allie Standifer said...

Yes, you should all run out and create aliases so I don't lose. (slobbery hugs to all w a little vodka thrown in)

I have no idea what the doctors were thinking or even if they read our work. I'd say probably not considering the asinine and laughable things they were saying. I know many of my female readers read aloud or share with their main squeezes, the hotter sections of my love scenes. There's nothing better than a few hours of hot, kinky, toe curling sex to bond two people or three or four. Ya know whatever floats your boat :)

Is it awful that a plot involving these shrinks, Gorilla glue and traffic cones popped into my head?

Tara said...

As I see it, the psychologists, psychiatrists, and many others who can even spout such nonsense -- don't read enough fiction. There was a study a few years ago stating that fiction kept the brain much more active than non-fiction. Some people need to get their heads out of trade magazines and start reading. Maybe these professionals need to be inundated with novels.

Joanne Stewart said...

lol Fantastic blog. Lord doesn't it make you roll your eyes? People have to find SOMEONE to blame stuff on. Blech. Romance novels make people do stupid things the same way guns kill people (aka guns don't kill people. people kill people).

BTW...friended you on FB. :)

D. F. Krieger said...

You mean, I'm not suppose to be wearing my space pirate outfit? Well, hell. That was a waste of money. *Grumbles*

LOL, love the post. And I gave in to your bribery of cookies and friended you on Face Book...Wait, there was bribery of cookies, right?

Julianne said...

OMG!! Are they serious??? Romance writers make people think romance is real?? What person doesn't want romance and love and excitement and surprise in their relationship? Hold on a sec I got to adjust my pirate hat. I think you're exactly right Alie, it's easier to point the finger and blame something else instead of ourselves. In this case, it's easier for those so called doctors to find something to blame other than the people themselves. Heaven forbid that I couldn't believe that a handsome 6 foot 5 strapping dude who likes to growl forgets to use protection while we are floating in space.

books4me said...

I love all the women who blog on Three Wicked Writers but I look most forward to Wednesdays...so funny! Reading romance has done nothing but IMPROVE the time my hubby and I spend in the bedroom (wink wink). Keep the writing coming!

Desiree Holt said...

First of all, hilarious blog. Second thing, if you want an expert on romance be sure to ask someone who knows absolutely nothing about it. Right? Right?

Allie Standifer said...

Ughh, I just wish I could meet one of these so called experts. 'Cause I gots to tell ya the mental picture in my head is not pretty, ya'll. It involves cheap black shoes, granny panties, a bun & a super glued hoo-haa.

& Books4me, SMOOCHES!!!! You made my day & trust me it really was starting to swirl down the toilet :)

Toni said...

That was a fabulous blog!! Yes, my girlfriends and I sit around and wish our books were true, but hello, we do have a few brain cells and do know the difference between make believe and real life. Love what you said. That was some great mid day humor. Thanks!

Samantha Cayto said...

A guy I know asked me a few weeks ago what's in it for him if his wife reads one of my erotic romance stories. Easy, when she's done reading my story in bed, she's going to turn to the guy lying next to her, dope! I figure romance stories save more marriages than destroy them.

Allie Standifer said...

Sing it, Toni, Sam & Julieanne! There's not a darn thing wrong with spicing up your love life a little. I know one male reader wrote to me thanking me because his wife was...much more in the mood now a days :)

nicoleaustin said...

Ha! I knew that somehow all my problems could be blamed on you.

Lisa G said...

Amen! Thank you for stating so clearly my feelings about these idiot professionals. They go right along with the fanatics who believe letting your kids read/listen to fairy tales is teaching them to be evil.

I sent you a friend request too!

Allie Standifer said...

You do like me, you really do!!! Ha HA take that evil Brenna Zinn.

Mona Risk said...

What a fun blog. I am following you now. Can these shrinks realize women are learning a thing or two from romance novels!

Tracey H. Kitts said...

I laughed so hard at this! I heard about that study too and I agree, it's utter crap.

Although, I have to share this now ... I had a reader write to me a few days ago and say that a three-way wasn't as much fun as I describe in my books, but she just had to try it anyway. LOL

I do believe she is the exception to the rule. Romance readers in general are smart and savy. At least I am (HAHAHA) and so are the others I've met.

If we had that kind of power, we'd all be super rich and famous. LOL And I sure as hell wouldn't influence people to gain weight, commit adultery or have unprotected sex.

Obviously the shrink who wrote the study was a frustrated male whose wife (or ex-wife) liked to read romance and he could never satisfy her.

Yes, must blame the romance novels. Couldn't possibly be him. LOL

Tracey H. Kitts said...

Oh, and I totally wanted to fly after reading Harry Potter. LOL

Allie Standifer said...

See that's exactly it! You don't see me setting traps for tigers hoping one of them will bite me & make me his catnip toy of love forever! Sheesh, and these doctors accuse us of altering reality!

Regina Carlysle said...

Is it just my imagination or are more and more of these dumb articles showing up??? From psychologists to preachers, they lay the blame for the ills of the world at the romance writers' door. Now please excuse me, but I'm off to shift into my wolf-self and howl at the moon! Hope my marriage of 30 yrs can survive a bit of shedding from time to time. Ohhhh and raw meat...YUM

N.J.Walters said...

I had no idea we were such a powerful group. lol What about the fact we contribute a huge amount to the economy.

I don't see anyone pointing fingers are science fiction, mysteries, westerns and other genre fiction. Why romance? My theory...it's written mainly by women and, unfortunately, that's scary for a lot of folks.

Lisabet Sarai said...

I don't know whether to snort or guffaw, Allie!

I wonder if this guy realizes how ridiculous he is.

Thanks for livening up our day!

Hugs,
Lisabet

morgan said...

I considered romance novels the ultimate safe sex.

Allie Standifer said...

Ahhh, Morgan, you have no perfected a line I must steal or at least borrow for all time. "Romance novels the ultimate form of safe sex!
Yep, anytime women gather together in numbers men automatically cross their legs and pray.
My power is vast & I promise to only use it on those who deserve it or tick me off :)

Helen Scott Taylor said...

Hilarious and right on the nose. Great blog.

Allie Standifer said...

Thanks Helen. It's always fun to take an "expert" apart. Easier still when they nothing nothing about their topic!

Sandra Koehler said...

I am convinced that these so-called experts lack one thing: common sense! Thanks for setting the record straight on how wonderful romance writing and reading really is!

Sandy Koehler writing as Alison Chmbers

Ayla Ruse said...

Alli, your post is great and right on! It ticks me off to see such "psychological findings," and I'm glad you can pull humor from such idiotic presentations. Personally, I agree with N.J. Most romance is written by women and this fact scares the crap outta men, so they have to try to annihilate us. Ha! Never gonna work!

Sarah said...

This is hilarious!! I am overweight and I'm sure it is bc I choose to read in lieu of exercise. Did not know I could blame all my favorite authors instead of my will power? :)