Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Oh Hell No! Reading turn-offs


Scenario One:

Seductive Sally races through the Brazilian Rain Forest, bullets flying as Ripped Rob follows protectively behind. The bad guys are close, too close for comfort. Breath heaving and bellowing from her lungs, she plows through the jungle, trying hard to ignore the scratches that appear on her long, shapely legs as the rush ensues. She hasn't bathed in days. Her hair is a nasty, tangled mess and she knows no amount of laundry soap will restore her skimpy  running-from-bad- guys attire to its former glory. Panties? Yes, the lacy undergarments she'd donned three days ago were history and her ladies 24-hour deodorant protection long gone.

 Finally! Yes, finally the shooting stops. Ms. Seductive and Ripped Rob have lost them. Bosom heaving she drops down at the base of a massive tree. Valiantly, she ignores the bugs squirming beneath her as she gives Ripped Rob a seductive look. Sweat has effectively glued her thin tee shirt to her body and her heart races. But this time it's not from the wild dash through the Brazilian foliage. No sirree. Ripped Rob's eyes narrow to focus heatedly on her perky nipples as they press against her sweat-soaked shirt.
"You're hot, babe," Rob says, his voice rough with desire.Sweat streaks through the grime on his face totally turn her on. Well, yes she was hot. She has been racing through the jungle for the better part of several days but he wants her. He really wants her. "I think I'll strip those rank clothes from your body and kiss every inch of your sweaty skin. How does that sound?"
"Yummy," she breathes. "Come and give it to me, Big Boy."

Another little tale:
Victim Victoria is chained. She is a slave. Oh hells nooooo. Striped naked before a throng of hungry looking men, she squirms against her bonds knowing one of them, or many, all want to do the nasty with her. Whatever will she doooooo???? Wait! The crowds part as one of the lusty dudes pushes his way through the throng to claim her. Violence swims in his strangly sexy eyes.
"You are mine," he growls
Terror fills her mind. What will he dooooo???? What will he dooooo????
Scary-man carries her off to the nearest dirt floor, throws her down and looks mighty damn sexy while doing so. But still she is scared. Or is she? Victim Vickie's eyes widen in horror. Yes, horror. He will force her to have sex. He will force his massive, yes massive, THING in her. OWWWW. The pain. The degradation.
So yes, Scary-man wastes no time in 'doing it' to her as screams of 'don't hurt me' fill the room but suddenly Victim Vickie isn't scared any more.
"I think I love you," she whispers five minutes later. "By the way, what is your name?"

The scenarios above are my feeble attempt to illustrate two of my biggest pet peeves in erotic or romance fiction. Rape fantasy stories are a huge turn off for me and I won't read them. Violence against women is not my idea of entertainment and a heroine who is too stupid to live? Forget about it. My other pet peeve? Well, having sex while utterly filthy is just...well...nasty. What about you? What are some of your biggest reading turn offs?

44 comments:

Desiree Holt said...

OMG! I laughed so hard I snorted coffee. I think I've read both of those books. What puzzles me is how they get published. Here's another one for you. Heroine Haley is in love with Macho Mick, as he is with her. But he's the town bad boy and UP TO NO GOOD. Or is he? They keep getting together and having sex until their brains fall out but then she gets angry and shoves him out the door. "I hatwe you," she tells him. But the next time he shows up she can't get out of her panties fast enough. About 3/4 of the way through the book we find out she's really trying toPROTECT HIM! Of course, we donlt know from what. Not until almost the last chapter, by which time I was ready to shoot the heroine, the author and myself.

Harlie Reader said...

Forced seduction...its rape. Also, no drugs...period. Do you want heroine/hero doped up. Anything porn...fisting is an example. Gross.

Great post.

Regina Carlysle said...

HAHHAAHAA. Yeah that Heroine Haley just can't freakin' make up her mind, can she? Love him. Hate him. Love him again. Sex with a guy she supposedly hates makes the heroine seem dumber than a box of rocks.

Harlie Reader said...

Having sex within the first ten pages of the book. Really? I want the build up first.

Oh and if the heroine is too stupid to live. Especially in Romantic Suspense. UGH!!

And yes, please bathe!

Regina Carlysle said...

Fisting. ...ewwwwww. OWWWWWW. Not sexy.

Regina Carlysle said...

Yeah, a nice CLEAN hero and heroine is definitely preferable. The LAST thing I think of when exhausted and dirty is SEX. Really???
Which brings me to something else. Anal sex. Yes, I write it sometimes but really people...this is not the cleanest of things. ICK.

Regina Carlysle said...

Too stupid to live heroines just KILL ME.

Allie Standifer said...

Very nice, Regina! Loved the second scenario. Funny thing is I've seen this happen with some best selling authors over at my publishers. Weird what some people like, huh?
Love the blog...amazing as usual!

Billy London said...

Regina, you actually made those scenarios look good!!

Regina Carlysle said...

Why, thank you, Allie. I've noticed this trend in erotic fiction and it makes my hair stand on end.

Regina Carlysle said...

hahahhaha. Thanks, Billy. I try, honey.

Maria said...

I know I've read both of these books and in fact it was another book with scenes from the jungle...don't get how it got published because it didn't have an ending...it's like the author reached the required word count nd just typed....the end....totally ticked me off!!

Regina Carlysle said...

To be honest, Marie, I've read variations in these scenarios a number of times and it always irks me.

Naomi Jones said...

I'm sorry but those two scenarios were very interesting. But for me, it would have to be name calling. And I'm talking about words like the following: bitch, skank, hoe, whore, etc.

Elece said...

LMAO!!!! Good Lordy! I could just hear your voice squeaking as you imitated those two ri-donkey-ass heroines!! I have a fairly high threshold for the ICK factor, bit I draw the line on bodily excretions other than cum. I'm pretty sure that needs no explanation ;0). Though your first senerio is just down right nasty! And I don't mean in a raunchy, get down and dirty way!! Lol!

Great post as always, Reg!! :0D

whodunitrdr said...

Great post as always, Reg. Yes, I too hate the too stupid to live heroines. They remind me of some of the old gothic romances with the frightened maiden running down the hill from the dark mansion, the back of one hand pressed to her forehead, long, white, filmy dress billowing behind her as the wind howls across the moors. Another type the irks me is the Pitiful Pauline types where nothing is ever their fault, bad things just keep happening to them, they never did anything. Buck up sister and grow a backbone and maybe you can change things instead of waiting for your knight in shining armor to rescue you. Yes, it is good to have a strong man beside you but he shouldn't have to carry the whole load, it is better to work together. Maybe I have just spent too many years working with women who let everyone else make all their decisions for them but I don't have much patience for that type anymore. Give me a strong willed woman any day, even if she does like to give up control in the bedroom at times - right Desiree?

Deanna

Lily said...

Great post :-)

I have a fairly high ick factor, but more than that I do like books that make me think 'is that pushing my boundaries' - some do, some don't.

Pet peeve - anal sex then vaginal with no shower in between - infection city!

Lily x

Jennifer Mathis said...

omg i think i just finished the first book you were talking about and you forgot to mention the part where he stops to tell her she tasty so good just like honey
ewwww I dont want to buy my honey where he gets his *snort*

Scarlett Knight said...

Something I've been seeing a lot advertised lately (mostly with indie publishing) is father/step-father & daughter fantasy erotica. Ummm.....no, thank you.

Jordan said...

oh my dear god that was hilarious!! Though there was this one scene in True Blood where Bill came out of the ground and proceeded to have sex with Sookie right there in the cemetery in season one... that was some how hot. lol

Mine has to be anything regarding bestiality... I HAVE seen that. don't ask, for the love of god don't ask.

The rape fantasy I can kinda get, but for me it's the fantasy where you know you're not ACTUALLY going to get hurt. Where you trust the person or you have a safe word in place. it's ALL about trust.

The "I hate you" "I love you" thing can be understandable in certain situations, much like in the book that I'm writing to submit. it's a paranormal romantica. When magic's involved you can hate someone and still be under their sexual influence and want them to screw your brains out LOL

Janice said...

Funny and sadly oh so true.

My pet peeve--Sex on the first page. Is this erotic romance or porn.

Or the old historical romance where the virgin heroine is raped and then she decides she likes it.

Nooo, I would be plotting his murder.

Janice~

Regina Carlysle said...

Naomi, a book with vile name calling would get thrown right into the wall. No I can't take that either. Especially between hero and heroine.

Regina Carlysle said...

HAHHAHHAA @ Elece!!!!! You crack me up. No ICK for me either. Golden showers? I don't think so. The thought makes me shudder.

Regina Carlysle said...

Oh yeah, I hear ya on the TSTL heroines, Deanna. Some of these books are like the 'c' slasher films. Watched one with the family the other night and it was a huge joke...Ohhhh no, there goes the 'wild' couple...they are gonna die. There goes the geeky guy...he's walking into the dark woods with a killer on the loose. He's dead too. A TSTL heroine is totally clueless. She doesn't DO subtle. And usually she must be smacked in the face with a 'truth' before she gets it.

Regina Carlysle said...

Lily...ICK. OHHH EMMMM GEEEEE. When that happens the heroine needs to see a doctor quick.

Regina Carlysle said...

Oh yeah, Jen! Gross. I mean, seriously, does anyone REALLY want to have sex when they stink to high heaven?

Regina Carlysle said...

I've seen that too, Scarlett and it's beyond disgusting. THIS is porn.

Regina Carlysle said...

You can take LOTS of liberties with paranormal, Jordan. It's must easier to explain getting to the sex quickly too. As to beastiality..another ICK. I know exactly the scene you are talking about on True Blood. It WAS hot but it translated well because he just WANTED her so much. Still you got the sense that he wasn't all sweaty and stinky. LOL

Regina Carlysle said...

I get that, Janice. You know many of us have publishers who want the sex QUICK. That has always bothered me because I prefer to have a nice build up before they hit the sheets. I often try to get around things by either having the couple be past lovers or I put my story in a paranormal world where the rules are different. But still...I'm with you. I like a heroine who is a mature, thinking woman who wouldn't rush into a sexual relationship in the blink of an eye.

Jen B. said...

I agree with yours and...
When a couple is getting it on. Very sexy, dirty talk. It's all good. He wants her most secret hole. Yes, she breaths. Only for this man because she knows it belongs to him. He reems her out and then they roll over and snuggle. That's right, no clean up. No condom. He might even get her to go down on him the next morning. I have actually put books down for this. Yucko!

Regina Carlysle said...

Oh Jen. I had to laugh. Sorry I'm just now seeing this but this bugs the PISS outta me too. What? No clean up after anal???? Hate to say this but I'd sure hate to sleep on those sheets either. Yeah, yeah, I know doing laundry immediately after sex isn't sexy but damn....

Beautiful Trouble Publishing said...

Regina,
We freaking love you, woman!
May we join you on the soapbox?
We've had this conversation sooooooooo many times. In our opinions there can be no such thing as a mfing rape FANTASY...period. If anyone has spent any time with a woman who has been raped then they would never fking say those two words together.

What many women seem to mean is they want a hot, rich, ripped, intelligent alpha male without any kind of STD who is a sexual dom and plays into their dom/sub sexual fantasy.

The fantasy allows the woman to not have to ADMIT her sexual fantasies or even admit that she has any type of sexuality. She has it but it is he who awakens it.

If the dude in the 'rape fantasy' was some rank, rotten teeth, scabby dude reeking of booze and looking like a case study for the center for disease control...if that dude was the one in the scene, we're betting it would no longer be a fantasy.

Women who have been raped are often left being afraid of the dark, afraid of the light, afraid of men, afraid of their own selves and afraid in their very own skin.

For months afterwards they are afraid of an STI that may fking kill them and leave their kids motherless...

They are afraid of the reaction of their loved ones, of strangers, of their own God.

Rape is about terror and power not about fantasy on the part of the victim.

Rape has a victim and a perpetrator not two consenting adults.

That sh*t is not and can never be a fking fantasy. If a woman wants a man to sexually dominate her...go find him and have him dominate you...

if a man wants to sexually dominate a woman go find one who wants to be dominated...

but never think for one moment that there is such a fking thing as a rape fantasy...except in the heads of sick individuals who really do believe that all women want what they're trying to give them...they just have to be 'convinced' of that...by force.

Regina Carlysle said...

Couldn't have said it better, Jayha! Amen.

Aunt said...

LOL and agree 100% with you Regina! So far I haven't ran into stories with the above scenarios and hoping to keep it that way :D

Kelly said...

I am rolling on the floor in front of my desk laughing. I so agree. I know some author's take a little writing liberty and forget certain things i.e. sex minus brushing your teeth first early in the AM, assuming people smell linen fresh after a long day at work and then the couple going at it. smh Anyways
I agree with the sweaty/dirty pet peeve. C'mon son, no one wants to have sex after they haven't showered for 48 hours ESPECIALLY a woman haha

Regina Carlysle said...

I know, riiight? I mean, remember your hottest work day. Moving maybe. Who really really wants to get her 'skirts thrown up' when she knows she's stinky as hell?

Regina Carlysle said...

Aunt Toni, believe me, there are plenty of them out there.

Nicole Austin said...

ROFL! I know I've read those, or something very close. Lord save me from these ridiculous stories that are supposed to be romance when its just a bunch of poorly written forced sex and violence against women. Makes me want to throw my ebook reader at the wall and demand a refund for the book.

Regina Carlysle said...

Me too. Forced sex is NOT entertainment and if I find it in a book, hell, I want my money BACK.

Lowell W. Eaton said...

I agree. There are way too many silly conventions that just don't make it, and too little humor in the romances I've read, although that's changing. I love the way you guys write--all of you. You're funny as hell. I'm gonna run out and buy your books, or at least steal them.

Mia Watts said...

The jungle one is a HUGE ick for me. I'm very conscious of my own cleanliness. I can't stand not being clean. While I'm not a germaphobe, I'm in no way interested in being stinky or slimy. So when a hero and heroine are racing for days without bathing and then he wants to go down on her or vice versa, NONONONONONONONOOOOOO!!!! GROSS!

Also, feminine flooding. When a woman is having a tidal wave between her legs because she's so turned on, it just makes me feel bad for her. I want to slap a diaper on her and give her an encouraging, pity hug.

Athena 101 said...

LMAO! Very funny post Regina!

I've encountered both scenarios in books I've read, and let me tell you, I did not have a good time... I don't like Rape Fantasy scenarios either, I just want to slap the woman silly in those cases. The whole anal/vaginal sex without shower in between? Ew. I actually read a book where the man got home from work and found his wife cleaning the toilet in their bathroom. Apparently he got all hot and bothered because her ass was facing him so he JUST HAD TO HAVE HER right then and there. LOL, the whole time I was thinking, "please tell me she at least dropped the scrub she was cleaning the toilet with..."

Now, my particular pet peeve is incest. Maybe some people who don't have siblings think it's hot to get down and dirty with their brother or sister, but I don't, and I hate reading about characters who either hook up with their relatives out of FREE will, or go out of their way to look for partners that resemble a family member. Especially women. I'm so sick of heroines in romance who fall in love with a man because said man reminds her of her strong loving father, or her fierce protective brother. I have a father and THREE older brothers, and I love them to death, but the last thing I want is to have sex with a man who reminds me of them. How the hell do you even react to this? "Hi daddy, by the way, I f*cked this guy last night, and boy did he remind me of you... Best sex I ever had." WTF??

Dalton Diaz said...

ROFLMAO!
How about the heroine who just stands there wringing her hands while the hero the bad guy? Grab a stick, give a good kick, just DO SOMETHING!

Sherry said...

Good Lord Reg, you hit a nerve with a lot of women..
Pet peeve(s) … Oh yea, I've got one..or maybe more.. let me see..

Bestiality, ( read one, by an author who has published a lot of books… I bet she's looking back now and thinking .. OH shit, I hope no one bought that one) It's on the idea of when an actor hits it big, and then the gossip magazines publish pics of him/her doing a porn movie for the money when they were younger.. I wonder if this author was just starting out and she just wanted to be published.. But, That book is in print now, and it can NEVER, be taken back.. So someone will always have a copy of it.

Incest- Why the hell would anyone find this sexually exciting in ANYWAY??.. Jesus.. I guess, I have to question the publishers here, also.. What are they thinking??

Regina, I completely agree with you about the anal scene.. I guess the best way I can put it is, afterwards .. Clean that shit up.. COM'ON People.. Thinking about this, I know I've seen my dog in the backyard eat his own turds.. I would definitely want ask these authors, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???..

I can't think of any more right now.. but I"m sure as soon as I hit send, I'll say, OH MAN.. I don't like This or This or that.. but

Awesome post Regina..