Thursday, December 1, 2011
I don't know if you've seen, but several smart phones have running background software that tracks everything you do on your phone. Every Google search, every text, logged and sent to your carrier. What they do with it is anyone's guess. Perhaps they're simply chuckling and loading them to DamnYouAutocorrect. One never knows.
If that's the case, enjoy background peepers. You'll have texts from me to another friend discussing baby Jesus night vision and another with my daughter about stabbing people in the head with bullets. It's an exciting life I lead.
That our phones are following and logging our every move is a bit disturbing, isn't it? And yet we've all adjusted to video cams on our stop lights and in stores. While we were angered to learn that some dressing rooms have cameras trained on our bodies, we understood the necessity. Heck, I once made a point of glaring at every broken ceiling tile in the Target store, when I was trying on pregnancy clothes some eleven years ago. Much to my annoyance, I was followed around the store by security for the rest of my trip. Sigh. Hope you had a good look at my naked nine month belly.
But what we don't expect? What really unnerves me is the badgering. I can almost forget that I'm being watched... until, like an electric prod to cattle, the bastards throw me a reminder. It sneaks up on you. It attacks in the unlikeliest of locations. Dundundun-duuuuhhhhhhh!
I'm not sure if I should thank Jin Yuan's Chinese take-out are start looking over my shoulder. Who the f*ck puts this in a fortune cookie?! And of the three cookies we got, TWO OF THEM were this message. Now, I realize that paranoia is unflattering, but I'm pretty sure someone is trying to warn me.
I know what it is! The government has been monitoring my texts and phone tweets to know that I'm researching and writing a book on Navy SEALs! Big Brother is not only watching, but the secret organization of taunters are letting me know that 1984 has become a reality!
I smell a conspiracy. I'll not be hushed! Next time, fortune cookie makers, the camera will be turned on you. Thank you, ever so, for the giant freak out. Pardon me, while I go draw my blinds.