Fetish anyone? I don’t have one. At least I don’t think so. There is nothing that I like doing so much that I could say it’s a fetish. Well…maybe eating peanut butter. But that’s not a fetish—unless you were to smear it on someone’s toes and lick it off and do that a lot. AND!!! It would have to be for the purpose of sexual arousal. I guess. Lol
And no, I don’t plan on licking peanut butter off of anyone’s toes. Or anything else off of anyone’s toes for that matter. YUCK!
So how did I arrive at this particular subject? Hmmm…long story.
I was driving down the road and glanced to my left and saw a billboard. Now I’m traveling 50 mph and, of course, read the sign rather quickly. Here’s what I saw: OVER 60? SINGLES VACATION ….
Then it had an 800 number and a website address. Not that I needed that info. It was the OVER 60 part of it that snagged my attention in the first place. No, I’m not OVER 60---yet. But someday I will be and the sign started me thinking. What will I be doing when I am OVER 60? What is an OVER 60 vacation like? Is there something special that must be done for that age group? There was a part of me that was insulted for the OVER 60 group. Shuffleboard only? Soft foods only?
Then I narrowed my focus and thought about SINGLES. Okay. Makes sense. Similar age group vacations. Usually I’m not so dense, but trust me—my degree of denseness worsens. First…the rest of my wandering thoughts.
For the next few days my mind kept going back to that whole singles vacation idea and, of course, I had to think about men and sex and all that stuff. LOL I pictured myself on a singles cruise—all vacationers within my age group. LOL Now my imagination is pretty vivid, so I had a huge pool and waiters dressed in next to nothing serving up drinks. Towel boys, etc. You get the picture. Everyone was having a great time. Then it hit me.
I was in a swimsuit.
SHIT!!! OH HELL NO!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!
But no matter how hard I tried to leave that freaking day dream, it just wouldn’t let go. My only recourse was to wrestle down a towel boy and steal his stash! Now appropriately draped in white terrycloth, I allowed my gaze to wander and check out everyone’s body.
There were people of all sizes and shapes. Mostly people in pretty decent shape, though. I imagine anyone going on a singles cruise and dressed in a swimsuit would not be worrying about covering themselves with towels. Not perfect bodies but there were SOME. Mostly, I was checking out the women--doing a comparison. You know what I mean. And there were some women who just pissed me off! Why were their boobs so damn perky? Why didn’t their thighs jiggle just a little?
I lifted the towel and stole a look at my southwardly sloping breasts. YEAH!!! SAGGING DAMN BOOBS!!! And I’m not even going to talk about my thighs. And thank GOD I had the presence of mind to daydream my way into a one-piece rather than a freaking two-piece. Sighhhhhhhhh
I shifted my focus. Okay…this is what you’ve got to work with ol’ gal. WORK IT!!! WTF? How do I do that? Well, by now you’ve figured out I’m not normal. So working with what I’ve got meant getting on the computer and logging on to Google to search for—you got it—men who like sagging breasts!
I was surprised in two ways. One: There wasn’t a fetish site for men who like sagging breasts. Plenty of porn sites with videos of women with sagging breasts, though. sighhh Two: Most men who commented to women asking if men liked sagging breasts (yeah, I’m not the only one asking it seems), didn’t really seem to care. A few did, but overwhelmingly? Most men were fine with sagging boobs. They mentioned things like self-worth and body image and love. Hmmm…good job guys.
Regardless, I seriously doubt I’m going to run out and flash anyone, though. LOL
Now all of this “singles vacationing” thing has taken up a lot of my time. Really. I thought about it way too much. Was way too critical about myself. And all because of that damn billboard. Yesterday I was driving down that same road and saw that same billboard. And that’s what prompted me to write this post.
Remember how I said it read: OVER 60? SINGLES VACATION…
Well…it didn’t say that. I misread it. What it said was this:
OVER 60? SHINGLES VACCINATION…
As soon as I got home I took a nap.