Monday, September 17, 2012

Everybody's A Redneck After A Six-Pack


I have in-law issues. Never suspected I would, but I do. I’m a nice person. Not too judgmental. Well…unless someone is showing their stupid side. I hate stupid.

So my middle child is WITH child and about to marry what I thought was a very nice man. And he is in some ways. He’s a good provider, and for the most part, good to her. However, he’s very controlling and is a major know-it-all.

Their courtship was “whirlwind”. Two months into the relationship and she was pregnant. Okay, I didn’t say a word. Not a word. From the time they met up until about three months ago, he would get mad with her while shopping and storm out of the store and leave her. Yes, leave her stranded. She’d call me and I’d drive to wherever she was and bring her home with me. We’d wait until he got over his pissiness and he’d come and get her. This happened a total of five times, and I never said a word.

Until number six.

That last time was IT as far as I was concerned. He pulled up on the side of the road in front of my house and waited for her to come out. But that time, I went out with her. You see, I never wanted to stick my nose in their business, but I finally decided that if I was going to be forced to deal with his shit, then I had a right. So I walked around to the driver’s side and laid it on the line for him.

“You will not leave my pregnant daughter stranded again. Do I make myself clear?”

He said, “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry.”

And that was that. Things have gone smoothly between them since. But then he needed an outlet for his anger I guess. Because after that they’d come to visit and he seemed to have developed the most condescending attitude. And worse.

Not only does my soon-to-be son-in-law think that Southerners are all rednecks and don’t have sense enough to get in out of the rain, but he’s a damn bigot, too! What has my child gotten herself into?

On two separate occasions before this last one on Saturday, I had to break up arguments between him, my boy, and my oldest daughter. According to him, both of them are on their way to Bubba University because A) they are from the South and are too stupid to live, and B) they support a political platform he doesn’t (namely any program designed to help the poor).

In other words, my kids and I are REDNECKS.

He’s from New York, a perfectly lovely state I’m sure. I’ve only been to NYC and only a couple of times for short visits at that. So I can’t really say I’d like or dislike living there. He’s been in the South for two years now and says he is making money hands over fists because Southerners are just plain dumb. But he hates the South and mocks everything about it.

I swear to you… I have held my tongue to the point of biting it. I’ve done this because for some odd damn reason my baby girl loves this freaking idiot. And she’s pregnant with his baby. Which means stuck.

So Saturday when I was informed they were coming for a visit (they live about thirty-five minutes away), my stomach knotted. I stayed mad all damn day. I kept remembering some of the things he’d said on previous visits and my blood simply boiled. At the same time, I tried not to be angry for the sake of my girl. What’s a MOM to do?

Five o’clock rolled around. They were due at six. I drove three blocks to the local convenient store and bought a six-pack of Bud Light Platinum. You know the ones—in the pretty blue bottles.  I came into the house, my treasure in hand, and got this from my brother:

“You think that’s a good idea?”

“I’m only going to have a couple. For my nerves. I’m tied up in knots.”

“You should just let me—“

“I know, I know. Bitch slap him a few times and bring him into line.”

I sat down with a beer as my oldest came downstairs.

Her eyes widened. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m only having a couple to take the edge off before they get here. I’m afraid if I don’t I might snap at him.”

She nodded slowly, and then looked at my bro. “This is gonna be good.”

He agreed. I left them in the living room and got on the computer for a while. Once I had finished the second beer, they arrived. But that was okay. Two beers on an empty stomach can really put you in a mellow mood. Sure can. So I was all smiles when they walked in. Hugs and kisses all around. I swear to you…I was good to go.

And then he started talking about the Hispanic guys that work for him.

I popped the top on another beer. And noooooooooo…did not offer him one. My oldest ran upstairs to get her brother. Later I was told that she informed him the show was starting and he was going to miss it.

By BEER FOUR, we were fully engaged. By BEER SIX I was threatening to punch him in the damn nose. They left with his threats of:

1) You are not allowed in the delivery room when the baby comes
2) You will never see my son
3) Don’t call my house or think you can come by when I’m at work
4) You’re no longer a part of our lives

Okay. I messed up. But after a six-pack, EVERYBODY IS A REDNECK!

Am I worried about his threats? Hell no. He’s a WUSS. Wild horses and ten SEAL TEAMS couldn’t keep me away from my baby girl and her baby. He just doesn’t realize that when he tapped into my REDNECK roots, that he tapped into the QUEEN!

I still think I should have punched him. My brother still says I should have let him do it.

The boy and my oldest daughter? They filmed it all with their phones. I have threatened to cut them out of my will if any of it ends up on You Tube.

‘Nuff said.

15 comments:

Harlie Reader said...

Welcome back Tess. Okay, first things first...your brother needs to take care of the NY Wuss! End of story. Plus, remember your post about the mama bear and a shotgun.... Yep, its time to do that, too.

On the other side of it, he sounds like a real jerk to me. Controlling, bigoted, as*hat that doesn't give a rat's butt about anyone but himself. Something for your daughter to chew on.

Marika

anny cook said...

I have observed the NY-redneck issue before. I lived in NY (upstate) for nearly twenty years. And I have southern children. His attitude has nothing to do with being from NY and everything to do with being a jerk. So yeah...let your brother deal with him.

Eileen said...

Well that was an interesting post. You most certainly have your hands full with your future SIL. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a jerk. I think I would have held my tongue for as long as you did but then there comes a time where words were going to be said.
I hope you brother gets a chance to deal with him.

Tess MacKall said...

Just like everybody's a redneck after a six-pack, all mama's are bears with shotguns when it comes to their babies. lol

This guy started out so nice and has just become a nightmare, Marika. It's been over a year and I've just had it. He is so racist it drives me insane. And all he talks about is how he's going to raise his son as if he's the only one in this world who is capable of raising a child and everyone else has done it badly. I dread him. Truly do.

Tess MacKall said...

Oh yeah, Anny. Nothing to do with where he's from. Just that he's a royal jerk. I forgot to talk about the issue with his parents as well. They visit from NY quite a bit and drive my baby crazy. She stays in the bedroom right much when they are there. She was trying to decide on how to decorate the nursery and MIL just took over and decided on color and everything else. My baby wanted a jungle theme. MIL wanted clouds and bunnies. I'm picking up a huge giraffe (five feet tall) and a huge lion this afternoon. Got some Zebra print fabric, too. We'll see who gets what they want. Told my baby I'd be there in the morning. My bro was just talking about dealing with him. Again.

Tess MacKall said...

It's been really hard to hold my tongue. I don't think I'll try beer to relax me again, lol, but I do plan to be "less in his face". I really don't plan on staying away just because he says so. On Saturday it all just became too much. Now it's back to trying again. Maybe he's prepared to be a bit more understanding. We'll see. And bro would sooooo love to deal with him. Really would. Thanks, Eileen!

anny cook said...

Here's the thing... a man-to-man confrontation will work better with this jerk because it's something he'll respect and understand.

Then you can follow it up with a one-on-one later like I did with a jerk son-in-law. I told him I could be the worst enemy he'd ever encountered...

Beth said...

Definitely don't hit him. The last thing you need is cops involved for assault, and it sounds like he's just ridiculous enough to press charges. That option leaves him squeaky clean (so to speak) and you and your family the bad guys. He'd gloat, even though all evidence points to a well-deserved "Coming to Jesus" intervention from your brother. I'd like to slap some sense into him, and I haven't even met him. What a gem this guy is! I couldn't have held my tongue as much as you have. He has poor manners/people skills. Probably from his parents. Good luck.

Anonymous said...


There was a very real perception that bi-racial was much worse for the white than it was for the person of color. The liberal culture screamed racism when there is a very reasonable explanation for this reality::::
In this white punishment known as the United States the person of color has already adopted the disfavors/temptations intended for another race. But by associating/mating with a person of color the white is newly adopting the disfavors of another culture.
And this is the reason why people of color are not welcome in the United States. The gods control everything:::The perception they want to create, the thoughts they want you to have.
People of color can't recover from absorbing the temptations from two cultures. And why they become more and more like so many blacks in America:::Veterans at absorbing the temptations of two cultures.
To further illustrate this is why California's educational system/funding was ranked #1 when California was white:::Education being the basis of the affluent economic system. Now even public higher education has become unaffordable.

The gods placed us all into our own corners of the globe. As such for thousands of years we spent time and reproduced with out own kind.
This is why mobilty/travel, biracial unions/offspring and partaking of other cultures is a sin::::
Each has it's own elements of disfavor, and by experiencing other cultures you are being exposed to these disfavors, which if people may adopt will make their state even worse than prior.
The United States has been considered a "melting pot" where rejects from around the world were sent when kicked out of their motherland.
Remember, this concept of cultural diversity is an element of the liberal platform the gods used to promote societal decay, revealed on the map with the "beast" that is the SanFranciscoBayArea and the spread of social deterioration that spread to the rest of the country and eventually to the entire globe.

As with some things in this life "less is more". Sex is one of those things. They used the liberal age to promote casual "free" sex intentionally::Combined with "women's lib" and their initiation into the "trenches" of the workplace as well as other issues like alcohol consumption the people experienced a mass masculinization of the females.
The gods use sex as temptation. This is why the most disfavored among us are preoccupied with it. While some may feel being well-endowed is a sign of favor the truth is just the opposite. And often the result is misogyny, a belittling of the favored gender, and stagnation of the people as a whole.
Less is more. When young women experience passing thoughts which say you're doing something wrong instead of fighting or dismissing the thought you should heed the warning. Sadly in today's world too many experience prolonged periods of promiscuity in their lives, whereas if married by 15 like throughout human history this disfavor was avoided.
Don't forget:::It is children who ascend into heaven, and the absence of sexual activity is one reason. Their general innocence is another, which should help you see the destructive nature of adult life in today's society.

Not only is doing the right things important (praying, attoning for your sins, thinking the right way:::accepting humility, modesty, vulnerability), so is avoiding the wrong things important as well:::"Go and sin no more".

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Sallie said...

Hi, I just found this blog and it is great. As for your son in law problem, going to war with him will not work. What you need to do/say is to your daughter, does she think things will get better after the baby is here, because it won't. She really is in abusive relationship.

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