Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Cougars!!!! GRRRRR!!!

Nope. Not talking about wild jungle animals. Welllll on second thought, maybe I am. I know quite a few over-40 women who have quite a bit of GRRRRR about them. They are Cougars. Over forty-ish powerful, sexy, single/divorced women who loooove younger men. And what the hell is wrong with that?

We know all about the cliched stories. Kids are grown and gone off to college or wherever and husband decides to dip his toes in the lake of freedom and escape his middle-aged-ness by tooling off in a brand new Porsche with a brand new honey-bunny. We hear these tales every day but more and more the woman left behind decides that rather than crawl into a cave with a box of Godiva and a case of wine, she'd prefer to take her LIFE BACK!

So she slips into a sexy outfit complete with flashing red stillettos and goes on the prowl. Once again, I ask, what the hell is wrong with that? It may not be as dramatic as I've painted but the phenomenon is becoming more accepted than it might have been ten years ago. Probably the most famous cougar is Demi Moore who appeared in one of the Charlie's Angels movies a few years ago and blew everyone away. Sexy, built, confident, smart, and sassy. Over 40! Yeah...you GO DEMI!!!! Wasn't long after the movie, she started dating yummy, young Ashton and now, from all reports they are happily married and setting a standard for other May/December romances.

Men have done this kind of thing for years. Gone for younger women by offering the lure of stability and wealth as a great big carrot. Why can't women do the same? For a woman, dating a younger man offers major rewards not the least of them...SEX. After all a woman reaches her sexual peak in her 40's while men peak in their mid-20's. So yeah, Hot Sex. Can't argue with that. Now you might be wondering what a young stud would find appealing about a woman old enough to be his mom or...er, his older sister. Confidence, wisdom, the insight to know who she is and what she wants. She's going to call things as they are and not bat an eye. Men find that appealing and yeah, sexy. Women over forty have it all going on. They are done with the baby thing and are free to travel, let loose and have some fun.
As for the Cougar who has a young stud by the tail? She gains the confidence to, at last, revel in her own sexuality.

The romance fiction market finally picked up on this new phenomenon and I say...YAY for THEM. In May and June, Ellora's Cave launched a line of Cougar stores called Oh Yum. My own book, Tempting Tess, is a Cougar tale. If you haven't read one of these, I think you'll find them fun, sexy and often touching. My heroine, Tess, isn't the typical Cougar. She's a widow of two years with a grown daughter who learns that life for her didn't end after burying a husband and sending a child out into the world. It's just a beginning.

So, what are your thoughts about the Cougar thing? Do you see benefits or problems in this kind of relationship? For me, I think these women have it all going ON. So GRRRR Cougars! Go for it!

29 comments:

Anny Cook said...

My brother's married to a woman 16 years older than him. They've been married nearly thirty years and it seems to reallllly be working for them. So if that's who you want, then I say go for it.

Cindy Spencer Pape said...

YAY Regina. Tempting Tess is an excellent story, and really, her age is NOT the most important factor in their romance. Now if only people would get THAT through their heads.

Eden Rivers said...

Hi,
Great blog! I've known some real life older woman/younger man couples who work out great.

In my novella, Strange Sabbats, out now with Loose Id, two of the characters, Sylvie & Ty, have an ow/ym relationship. She's a CEO, powerful as hell, and he's the only one who can match her in the bedroom.

So rock on, Cougars :-)

Eden

Wendi said...

Go Cougars, Go! My husband has teased me before about leaving him for a sugardaddy. I told him if I ever left, it wouldn't be for some rich old geezer. I'd be after a hot young stud offering a different kind of sugar. ;)

And yes, my hubby puts up with a lot from me. LOL!

Wendi Darlin

Regina Carlysle said...

I hear stories like this with more and more regularity and these match-ups seem to work out for lots of people. I wonder if younger men get sick of giddy, shallow women in their own age group and like the confidence exuded by older women?

Regina Carlysle said...

Yeah, Wendi...you can be a SUGAR MAMA! snicker

Regina Carlysle said...

Eden, your book sounds yummy. I like the idea of a couple...BOTH at their sexual peaks enjoying a great physical relationship. Now you have to wonder...do May/December couples have stuff to talk about when they're not having wild monkey sex? Hmmm. Bears thinking about.

Liza James said...

Love the topic, Regina! ;-) I recently wrote a cougar story, which I hope to sell soon. It's my heroine's 40th b-day, and she's out with her 42 year-old sister who LOVES younger men, particularly college aged younger men. LOL Anyway, my heroine meets an almost 30 year-old hottie who takes her back to his hotel room for the b-day f--- of her life. *G*

As a 40 year old woman, I REALLY enjoyed writing this story, and have even had a request to write the sister's story. :-)

Kelley Nyrae said...

I've read a few of the Oh Yums and really liked them, Tempting Tess rings a bell. LOL. Great story and great blog, Regina.

Irene said...

There comes a time, however, when younger men start to think of you as "mommy" rather than "hot mama".
Not to toss a wet blanket on this, but reality has to check in.
When you have so many wrinkles you have to screw on your hat, it's time to read about sexy older women with hot younger men.
We ain't dead yet....

Regina Carlysle said...

Yep, Irene. Food for thought because how much can an older woman really have in common with someone so much younger. Guess it depends on the couple...education, experience, etc. After they crawl out of bed from all the hot sex, surely they'll want to talk about SOMETHING. Ummm...but maybe not. LOL

Anita Birt said...

But how many woman, tossed aside by a prowling husband, have the courage to take on the dating world as a cougar? If they can do it, good for them. I wish them well. Better to go out on the town than to sit at home turning into a blob. Takes courage to be a cougar.

Regina Carlysle said...

Oh, I agree Anita. Takes a certain courage to jump out in the world and take a chance. Don't know if I could do it either. LOL. Besides...those damn stillettos are PAINFUL.

flchen1 said...

I think in reality it all depends on the two people involved--if it works for the couple, that's all that matters. And I think it truly depends on the specific individual--you might be thinking that you'd never consider an older/younger man but meet one who doesn't fit the mold but might be right for you. And Regina, Tempting Tess sounds like a GREAT story!

Regina Carlysle said...

Thanks, flchen1. I can't imagine, as one of those over 40 women, going for a guy who DIDN'T have anything to offer other than a great sex of fine lookin' abs, ya know? He'd have to be funny, intelligent, and loving too.

More than the hot body, other things are important. I still remember this guy from high school who was movie star GORGEOUS but he had the personality of a wall. I didn't care of the guy was hot or geeky looking as long as he was FUN and Interesting.

Regina Carlysle said...

WOW...did I really just write "a great SEX of fine lookin' abs"???? HOly COW..I'd better quit blogging about sex. Damn.

cindy said...

Hey Regina,I think the age difference depends on the people involed, I am 4 years older than my hubby,one of my brother-in-laws is married to a women 2 yrs. older than him & the other is married to one 15 yrs. older than him, & I couldn't imagine them being with anyone better suited for them.
the only problem I see with older women & younger men is that I have a 14yr.old son that likes older girls 17& up,& they like him,&in there defence,he looks like a man not a boy 6ft.1 230lbs.looks like he's about 20, but in my defence, he's only 14 & my baby,& I think regardless of how mature he acts,he's too young for some of the relationship games so many girls play today.
thanks, Cindy

Regina Carlysle said...

Hi Cindy! Adult relationships are ONE thing but when they're kids, as a mom, I'd have to think twice about that. THey grow up too fast as it is! Crazy how fast they grow up!!!! But you know, when he's in his twenties, he may just like girls that are a few years older. That could be a good thing.

Jacquéline Roth said...

I was all excited when you said you were blogging on cougars. I love Cougars, I even have a Were-Cougar story... but this was so much more interesting. I wonder how many years you have to be older to be considered a Cougar? We have 12 years between my SO and I.

Regina Carlysle said...

Hmmm. You know, I don't know about the age difference but I'd say you quality as a cougar...grrrrrr. Go get em. LOL. In Tempting Tess, my heroine was ten yrs. older than the hero. I'm guessing it's about ten at least. I don't think TWO qualifies.

Ooooh. A were-cougar. How HOT. I can't WAIT to read this. I just contracted for a were-panther.

blessedheart said...

An older woman should have the confidence to grab onto any man she wants. I say, More Power To Them! LOL!

Rhonda :0)

Regina Carlysle said...

Hi Rhonda! You know I was talking with my daughter the other day about beauty, brains, and personality. TOld her you can't just depend on looks. Men love a woman who exudes confidence, personality and has interests of her own. I believe that is a lot of the appeal of older women to young men. Yeah...they should grab the gusto. lol

Jessica Zigzag said...

My name is Jess and I work for a British Television company based in London called Zigzag Productions. I am currently working on some development for a major UK broadcaster and am looking for British women who are cougars/enjoy dating downwards who would be interested in heading to New York or an American cougar hot spot where they can pick up some younger men in an environment which is less judgemental and taboo than here in the UK. The cougar-cub scene here tends to be much more virtual with the majority of hooks up happening online. From a documentary perspective we would love to follow outgoing women who would be happy to allow us to film them enjoying themselves in a way which is clearly hugely popular here in the UK (and in the States)but for some reason doesn't really happen offline.
If you are a woman who likes dating downwards or are aware of any women who would be interested in speaking to me about possibly appearing do get in touch with me at jessica@zigzag.uk.com
I think this is a great blog, I hope you don't mind me briefly hi-jacking it!
Thank you, jess

Judith Rochelle said...

I think there comes a time in life when the age difference is the last thig to be concerned aboujt, but obviously not when the woman is in her 30s and the male is in his teens, as we have seen so much of altely. I think older women are more mystrious, more appealing, and more respomsive. And let's not forget that acording to clinical biology, women reach the peak of their sex drive much later than men. So yes, I'm all for cougars getting their men.

Lara Dien said...

My 2 cents: I had friends who had a significant age difference--I think he was 23 or 24 years younger. And after a while, you could see the challenges in the relationship--they literally were at two different points in their life paths.

For myself, I'm still struggling with my first cougar story, because my theory is men aren't interesting until they're 30, and I've no interest in being with someone who wants a mama figure--I've got enough personality, I really prefer men who know how to, umm, take charge....so unless you're up to 30-something for him, it's tough for me to imagine.

Someone asked about the age difference--honestly? I think it's probably whatever seems like a major difference to you...the word 'cougar' sounds a little predatory, don't you think? LOL

Regina Carlysle said...

Hi Lara! Thanks for coming to see us!!! I had ten years between h/h but he was 35...not a baby by any stretch. I can certainly understand the novelty might wear off after awhile. Few common interests, etc. You have to TALK sometime. lol

She said...

As a 50 year old woman I am so glad it's more acceptable for the older woman/younger man. I find that younger men are more accepting and not so chauvanistic in dealing with women. Andy Rooney on "60 Minutes" did a "Last Words" segment about older women. It was a howl but oh so true. Ben Franklin also wrote an essay on "Praise for Older Women." So why would a younger man (unless he wants children) not want an older woman--she's experienced, knowledgable, and a helluva lot of fun.

Sheila

Regina Carlysle said...

Hi Shiela. I'm so glad you came by. I completely agree that older women have it all "going on". By this age, they are relaxed and more uninhibited. They make decisions without waffling. I'm certain many younger men find this refreshing not to mention intriguing. They want a woman who is interesting, fun, and who LISTENS too.

Younger men also know older women aren't so interested in a ring and babies, too. There's something to be said for that.

Regina Carlysle said...

Hi Jess. Hijack away, honey. Glad you came by. I would imagine the Cougar scene is more prevalent in larger US Cities like NY or LA. Hope you find some women to follow around. The documentary sounds fascinating and I'd love to see it. Will it show only in UK or do you think you'd sell it here??? I'm thinking Sex and the City but NON FICTION!!!

Please come back and see us, Jess. We've always got a fun topic going on.