Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Rejection...how to deal?



I'm in the middle of sending out queries for agents right now. I went into this knowing that it is damn tough to get an agent but probably even more so right now. Your logical mind knows that it will be tough, knows that there is a chance, no, that its really likely that you will get a no thank you. I think in the back of our minds there is always that hope, or belief that we just may be different. Maybe...just maybe the first agent/editor on your list will fall absolutely head over heels with your book. Yeah right. LOL. Not saying that never happens but most of the time we all have to deal with rejection in some way, shape or form. Why doesn't knowing that make it any easier to deal with? Through this two week search of mine I've gotten a couple no thank yous but I've also gotten a request for more material. Guess what's sticking in my head? The no thank yous. It's so hard some times to see past rejection in ANY facet of our lives. Not just writing but from men, friends, a job, our kids. Rejection comes in so many ways, each of them equally hard to deal with.

My question for you is how do you deal with rejections in your life? Also how do you make yourself focus on the positive without letting the negative cloud you over?

10 comments:

Amy Ruttan said...

It's hard, it really is.

I don't know, there are days I want to give up, but I don't because it's what I want more than anything.

So I keep going.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Desirée Lee said...

I think I've become a stronger person lately and able to deal with rejection better. That part of me was put to the test recently when a guy I'd been sort of seeing off and on finally broke up with me. It hurt. I had a couple good cries over it and then sat back to evaluate what he said. I'm not mad at him. In truth, I'm glad he was honest and didn't string me along. Hindsight is usually much clearer. I thought long and hard about his reasons and have to admit, his points were valid. There really wasn't a future in our relationship so it is probably for the best that both of us keep moving on with our lives separately.

I think how the rejection is delivered makes a lot of difference. Whether it is a book rejection or something else, if it's given with honesty and tact, once the initial sting subsides, the rejection can be used as a tool. Grow from the rejection. Take the other persons' reasoning and critique it (once you can view it in a more objective frame of mind.) See for yourself if their points are valid. If so, incorporate that into yourself.

If it was a book rejection, hopefully the publisher/editor was kind enough to provide some feedback as to why the book was not accepted. Look at their suggestions. Can they help you polish your work up further so that the next time you submit it, you'll be more likely to receive a "Yes!" instead of a "No, thanks?"

If it is a rejection for some other aspect of life, take an introspective look into why you were rejected. Is there something you can do differently or say differently next time?

Rejection is hard. Nobody likes to be measured and found wanting. I think if you deal with rejection in a rational manner though, you're better equipped to get over it soon and hop back on the horse for another try. If you take it too personally and respond with vehement retaliation, you're only setting yourself up for more anguish.

When the rejection happens, try to stay calm. Deep breath, count to ten, bury your sorrows in a carton of ice cream, whatever. Then pull the knife out of your heart (or back! *LOL*) and take pride in knowing you survived one of the hardest aspects of the human experience.

Carpe Noctem,
Des


Desirée Lee
Putting the Romance Back in Necromancy
http://www.desireelee.com
des@desireelee.com

Kelley Nyrae said...

That's the key, Amy. I want this more than anything as well. Rejection is part of it and for the good we have to accept the bad.

Kelley Nyrae said...

Des, I agree. How it is delivered can make a huge difference.

Genella deGrey said...

Rejection sucks - but like Amy said, I just keep swimming.

Having done all the ground work myself thus far, I am not in search of an agent at this time. I'll keep my 15%, thank you very much. ;)

Hang in there, Kelley - We love you!
:)
G.

Shelley Munro said...

I'm dealing with the same situation, about to send out subs to agents. There's no doubting it's hard. I guess it comes down to how much you want it and whether you want publication enough to keep picking yourself up. Chocolate and a hug helps but I think the best thing is to keep hope in the mail (submissions that haven't been rejected/accepted yet) because that way you can tell yourself that you still have a chance of success. Having several different subs out at once equals more hope. I also take a look at the rejection after a few days have passed and do any necessary adjustments to my sub before sending it out again. More hope in the mail...

Good luck!

Kelley Nyrae said...

Thanks, Genella!


Thanks, Shelly. I have a few more hopes in the mail. Plus the request I'm waiting to hear back on.

Regina Carlysle said...

Rejection happens to all of us in one way or another. My philosophy of dealing with it? I let myself pout for about FIVE MINUTES then I pull up another WIP or go do something FUN. You just can't let the rejections get you down. Stay positive and know that everyone has a different opinion about things.

Terry Spear/Terry Lee Wilde said...

Revise, submit again, keep on writing new stuff, take a break, write more new stuff, revise old stuff and send it out again. :)

Some day it will work! :)

Anne Rainey said...

Well, I suck at rejections. I'm getting better with them as time goes on, but it's never easy. Sending out tons of queries to agents and getting all rejects back nearly killed my self-esteem. But then again, I've gotten an acceptance letter once that nearly killed me too. The revision letter had me in tears.

A hug from your hubby, and a friend's shoulder to cry on. Maybe a glass or two of wine...that's the best remedy really. :)