Running late again today. We have a winter storm going on and I've been preparing for the power to go out. Been cooking like crazy and getting batteries in flashlights, candles all in place, batteries in the radio, etc.
Anyway, I'm late with a good reason. Survival! lol So if you comment and I don't comment back to you--give it a day or two as I might not have power--at least it's looking that way.
I wanted to do something fun today. I hope you'll all join in and help complete this list. The subject matter leans toward females, of course, but the guys are welcome to jump in with their own observations too.
Here we go...
Things A Woman Should Just Know
1. If you answer the phone and someone from the Jerry Springer Show is on the other end, hang up and go pack your shit. Your relationship is over.
2. If you're going to date someone who is famous—on TV, sports hero, movie star, politician, etc.—be prepared for all scenarios.
a. Plausible deniability of your existence on his part: Carry a kit with you so you can collect sperm samples and make sure you keep the dates straight and the sperm in the fridge.
b. Use your camera phone to take pics of where you are when you’re with him without his knowledge. Get naked pics of him if at all possible. Store said pics on a flash drive
you keep hidden.
c. Never leave the house looking like a damn freak cause sooner or later a camera is going to be in your face and you don’t want to be seen looking like a HAG.
3. If your husband leaves the house and isn’t going to work and comes back home and immediately jumps in the shower? Follow him next time he leaves. Take the camera. Just sayin'.
4. You husband likes to be on the computer in the dark and every time you walk into the room the screen flashes. Check your credit cards. He ain’t buying you roses. Just sayin'.
5. Expect at least one third of your offspring to disappoint you. Chances are you've already had this happen.
6. Never tell a teenager maybe to get them off your back when you really mean no.
7. Don't expect that wonderful new look the hairdresser just gave you to be something you can duplicate.
8. If your husband or boyfriend says "love ya" instead of "I love you", start looking for fresh meat.
9. If your husband gains a new male friend whom he texts way too often, you can bet your ass that man is a woman in disguise. OR he's about to come out of the closet.
10. If you play the "Which person would you run away with if you had the chance?" game, and you mean a celebrity and your spouse says the name of someone you know, pack his shit!
11. Grow your nails long, just in case your other half murmurs some other chick's name in bed. Nails are useful down there. Super glue too.
Adding this little jewel from a comment made by Melissa Bradley. Stop by her blog and check her out. http://melissasimaginarium.blogspot.com
12. If you're his secret affair, you weren't the first, you won't be the last and no, he's not leaving her for you--no matter how many babies you pop out.
Okay, that's it for my creative juices today. Got to get a load of laundry out of the dryer and put in another one. Trying to get it all done before the power takes a hike. So post your best advice. Let's us have it. Many thanks to Natalie Dae for her widely known humor and help with this post. And thanks to the commenters. http://nataliedae.blogspot.com