Wednesday, September 14, 2011

When perfect makes me hurl..



Not an attractive image I know, but sometimes I read about these heroines and I get sick to my stomach. Example"

"I can have fantastic sex with you, Rock Hard," Chesty Mc Millions breathed out. Her natural red plump perfectly shaped lips glistened in the sunlight. She shook her perfect head of just got out of bed curls and blinked thick long black lashes over her sorrowful and sexy yet innocent violet eyes. "I have a meeting to take over Donald Trump's business. Then I've got to hop over to the soup kitchen/animal shelter/after school program to volunteer there. After that I need to teach English as a second language to the poor illegal immigrants unable to work. Trust me if there were time I'd magically wax my legs, my bikini line & change the sheets on my all natural 100% recycled bed. But until I stop the astroid from hitting China, unarm a nuclear bomb designed to take out the UN & bake 1,00 cupcakes for the at risk teen program I have no time for melt your brain, legs to jelly, coma causing sex."

Rock Hard shrugged his massive shoulders, two hands lighting clasping the wide broom at his side. "Okay, Ms. McMillions." Muddy brown eyes narrowed in confusion as he stared at her. "Really I just said hello & asked how your day was going." In desperate need to get away Rock set the broom to the floor and continued sweeping the hallway just as he'd been doing before Chesty interrupted him. Damn, he thought to himself, some women weren't worth the breath it took to say their name.


Okay, so this is a slight (lol) exaggeration, but you get what I mean. The heroine is a rocket scientist who trains rescue dogs in her spare time. Or she's a brain surgeon with a heart of gold, but never had sex since she's always busy exploring the night sky looking for aliens or her home planet.

Does anyone identify with these women? Seriously do you think you would be friends with a woman like this? Or would you gather a posse of real women and beat the crap of her then throw her out of town.
My question is this. Why make the heroine the most beautiful women in the land, city or company? Really 'cause those women are a dime a dozen around here.

So share your opinions on heroes and heroines and the traits you hate in them. You know my opinions (way too much maybe) now tell me yours.

As always please leave a comment & you'll drop in my imaginary box & I'll draw a winner. Check back here at the end of the day to see the winners name. Then send an email to Allie@allie-standifer.com with your choice of my backlist books. Liz, you were the winner from last week. Please contact me with your selection.

12 comments:

Harlie Reader said...

Great post, as usual. Not to get preachy but there was only one perfect person and he was murdered.

Do I identify with a brick shit house, as my hubby would say? Nope, never have and I don't want to read about her either. I want to know that her feet are too big, nose is crooked, she stutters, etc.

My hero needs to not be perfect either. Ugh! My hubby's not perfect, even though he would tell you different. LOL! I don't want to read about a troll but have him be imperfect.

Jordan said...

Oh I totally get ya, Allie! I love for the main characters to have some flaw in them. Maybe not to over indulge on it, but just SOMETHING that might bug the character about themselves. Maybe they're a touch too shy, or conversations about sex make them blush (LOL I love that character of mine...) Or she's afraid of love because she's gotten burnt one too many times. The man who's going to love her looks at her and sees she's perfect, because, well... that's what men do when they're gaga over someone. It's the same with woman. She may actually see his flaws at first. Maybe he's too gruff, or frowns too much for her liking. Maybe he's a excercizeaholic. is that a word? Oh well I just made it up LOL But after spending time with him, she realizes that's part of his charm, and it's no longer a flaw to her.
I am far from perfect, but to my hubby I am. I know my hubby's far from perfect, but he's perfect to me :) But to see the unrealistic people in books just makes it SO difficult to like the characters at all.

Lynne Marshall said...

Allie, you're spot on again. I want to read about characters I can relate to not someone who would intimidate me if I ever met them. I think the perfect h/h is a left over from the glitz era of the 80s. I never read those books. I like regular people I can relate to. I've been around super handsome guys, and there's no way they have a normal life. Same for women. As crazy as it seems, being too perfect is a handicap in real life.

Allie Standifer said...

Thanks for the great comments, ladies, keep them coming! I love knowing I'm not the only one out there flaw happy :)

AllisonH said...

Hi Allie! Fun and thought-provoking post. Most of our realities involve guys withOUT six pack abs, and worrying about morning breath instead of waking and getting right into it :) and as for the heroine, well the ladies that always seem perfectly poised and coiffed ARE in my daily reality, so I'll enjoy the reads that have a girl who's a bit klutzy but a sweet good person on the inside!

Melissa Bradley said...

Love this post! I always hate the ones who "don't know how gorgeous they really are...

"Could I be attractive?" She wondered in an off-hand manner. She blinked her wide blue eyes, a frown creasing her perfectly arched brows. "No, not me. Not in a million. My hair is too curly, too blonde and my lips are too plump. I'm a positive ogre."

Calisa Rhose said...

Um...what's the problem? I'm one of those women. Okay so that's in my perfect dreams. But you forgot the perfect white, straight, and don't leave off all-natural, teeth. ;)
It's not unusual for my heroine to have a crooked-toothed smile, a barely-there-bust, or hair that just won't do what she wants no matter the occasion (I write what I know folks). When I read that the heroine is Ms. Busty McPerfect I toss the book. She's every woman's dream self, not who we are and relate to.

Molly Daniels said...

I write about average people, but to the hero, she's the most beautiful woman in the world, regardless of weight, height, age, etc.

And yeah, the whole get-up-at-six-and save-the-world-home-at-midnight-after-volunteering-with-the-homeless-and-yes-I've-never-had-mind-blowing-sex-until-I-met-you gets REAL OLD. I mean, come on....in this day and age? A divorced woman who's only slept with one person (her 'mistake') and NOW meets the man who can push all her buttons? Riiiiiigghhht....

Just my humble two cents:)

Allie Standifer said...

Congrats to Allison H for the blog contest. Allison contact me at Allie@allie-Standifer.com with your pick from my backlist.

Until next week, people!!!

Casey Crow said...

Incredibly funny post! I like it when the characters have at least one flaw, and two is even better so you the physical and emotional covered.

Mia Watts said...

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said, blinking perfectly almond shaped eyes the color of green cedars as I looked up at her under sweeping kohl lashes that fluttered against my high, sculpted cheekbones. I pursed my full, pouty lips cursing their natural red glisten for the obvious clash against my low cut pink top. I just hate it when my full, un-bra-ed but PERKY cleavage threatens to spill out and every man I walk by wants in my pants....

(pls recognize sarcasm. I'm neither green eyed nor do I wear pink.)

Lauri said...

Awesome post! Perfect, just like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder--aka hero or heroine or both.
Thanks for the chuckle!