Friday, July 11, 2008

Is romance dead?

I have to admit I'm a romantic at heart. I cry in romance movies, my heartbeat accelerates, I feel the joy, fear, and love right along with characters that I read, write or watch on television. If someone asks me to the movies the first movie I'm going to want to see will be a romance. I love chatting with friends about their love lives, my heart melts when I read a really sweet line in a book, hear it in a movie, or hear about a romantic story in real life. I live and breath romance and love. I guess that's part of the reason I ended up becoming a romance author. I love romance heroes because they're smart, strong, masculine yet still caring, protective, confident and always intent on giving their woman the pleasure they need in the bedroom. Some open doors for women and pay for their meals on a date. They respect them even though they aren't always perfect by any means of the word. Romance can be strong, masculine, confident and still sweet and romantic. These heroes we write prove that but I fear they're in the minority. Now I'm not man-hating in the least. I have the utmost respect for men. I'm one of those lucky women who have a wonderful husband who wants nothing more than to provide love and security for his family. He's a hard worker, sweet and can even be romantic when he wants to. Not on an everyday basis but then I wouldn't want that. Showing that romantic streak for no reason at all makes it all the more meaningful. I wonder though, is my husband in the minority like our romance heroes? In real life is romance dead? Are we teaching our sons how to respect, love and care for our women? On the flip side are we teaching our daughters the same thing? It is a two way street after all. I just wish I saw more romance in the world around me. I wish I saw 25 year old men opening doors for women. I do. Maybe I'm old fashion. Maybe I'm not caught up on what women nowadays want. For me a man opening the door for me, paying for my meal anything like that isn't taking away from my strength as a woman, is just a man showing respect or being romantic. I'm curious how everyone else feels about this. Do you think romance is dead? As women do you want a man to hold open a door for you or does that bother you? Do any of you have any romantic stories that happened to you to show us that romance is alive and well in our real lives? Open up. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks.


Cindy said...

Hey Kelley,my favorite topic,Romance,your hubby sounds like a great guy,& like you I am very lucky to have a great hubby too,even after21 yrs. he still opens doors for me,& all the little things that so many women don't seem to want or appreciate today,my son a a sweety,that went somewhere with us,(& we have taught both our boys to be gentlemen) anyway, he opened the car door for her & instead of getting in, she said I can open my on car door & went around to the other side & got in,I asked her what the deal was,& she told me,she wasn't used to anyone opening a door for her,by the end of the evening she got a little more used to it,because my son kept doing it & told her that she might as well get used to it,because he was going to keep doing it. shoot my daddy did it for my mother & myself, I think it's ashame that we aren't teaching our kids manners & good common courtsy anynore,whats this world coming too? Anyway,I'll get off my soap box now.

Cindy said...

Kelley,sorry I got on such a roll in the last comment,I lost track of what this topic was suspose to be about,I'll do better this time,I know for me romance is still alive & going strong with my hubby & myself,out of the blue he'll bring me flowers,or come up behind me & pop me on my butt 7 wrap his arms around me,just because,if you know what I mean,all the little things that lets you know your loved & that he still finds you attractive,even after all these years.
thanks ,Cindy

Anne Rainey said...

Sometimes I see it, sometimes I don't and that makes me sad.

My husband thinks he's not romantic, but he does a lot of little things that I love. He holds the door for me. When we stay in hotels, he takes the side closest to the door for protection. When he cooks he takes extra care to make my food the way I like. Those are all romantic gestures, he just doesn't see it that way.

My daughter's boyfriend is romantic too. He buys her things and holds the door for her. He tells her things that just melts my heart. His parents taught him right!

Kelley Nyrae said...

Cindy, bravo on your son! Also congrats on 21 years of marriage. That's wonderful! Your husband sounds like a great man!

Anne, the little things are actually the big things aren't they? Your husband shows how much he loves and respects you by each of those things he does for you.

Regina Carlysle said...

Great post, Kell, and NO I don't think romance will EVER die. Women crave it for the most part and if men are given good examples when growing up, they'll provide and expect some too.

Sadly, I'm seeing lots of evidence around here that young men don't treat the young ladies in proper ways. I'm talking about high school, where this sort of thing begins. The girls seem to crave love and affection to such an extent they get into free and easy sex with the guys they date to the point it seems these boys are rather jaded about women. The girls who are known virgins may as well give up any ideas of dating because these boys don't want that. They want it easy and want it now.

It's become all about sex and NOT love and romance and I find that sad.

Kelley Nyrae said...

Regina, you said it perfect! Yes, I hope romance never dies. I know we as women want it but it has to be a two way street. I totally agree with what you said about boys and girls high school age. You are exactly right.

Tonya said...

I hope it's not, but as the parent of a teen I see less of it than I would like from girls and boys.

My hubby is very romantic....and I really enjoy it!! My oldest says she wants romance but at the same time when she finds a boy that shows her romance and does the sweet little things it freaks her out (we are working on that issue).

Anny Cook said...

I think that both men and women have an idea that romance is about things that can be purchased--flowers, candy, jewelry, stuffed animals, whatever is age appropriate. It could even be a vacation or cruise.

Unfortunately, there comes a time in every couple's life when purchasing power is next to nil. Then what?

Romance is what you make it. After forty years in my household, romance is when he fixes breakfast on Saturday morning. Romance is when he helps to clean the apartment because company is coming so I have time to write. Romance is when he stops for milk on the way home so that I don't have to get dressed to go to the store. Romance is wanting sex everyday, but accepting the occasional "not tonight" with a smile and a promise to get together the next night. Romance is making sure that the car is serviced. Romance is when he waters all plants because I forget.

None of those can be purchased. All of them are gifts.

Unknown said...

I love Romance not some of the stuff you read in somw books today where it starts with sex and ends with it . Yes sex is part of love but to me it is not the most important. Me and my Hubby have been married 8 yrs and I wanted to do it right this time. He has been opening the door for me since our first date and has never stopped. He does all the little things that make you turn into mush and never seems to tire of it.Is true romance dead? NO but sadly it is very hard to find.

Tonya said...

Anny....I couldn't have said it any better!!

I love when my hubby calls me before he leaves work and asks me if there is anything he should stop and get (milk, diapers, tomatoes that I forgot to get or whatever).....and when I've had a really busy or hard day...he knows to ask...what can I bring for dinner. =)

Kelley Nyrae said...

Tonya, Its hard for some women to accept sometimes.

Anny, I SO agree with you. I love it when my husband does little things like that for me.

Melanie, Yes it is hard to find. When we do that makes it all the more special.

Word Actress said...

I feel sorry for men sometimes. We want them to be strong but sweet, we want them to give us our space but also take care of us. I haven't seen anyone open a door for someone lately (under the age of 80, that is!) but I sure do remember my friend's dad doing that and I always found it to be such a touching gesture of kindness and love. What do men and woman want? I've often thought we should have a button our loved one can press to see our moods or what we need. Wouldn't that be so much easier???? But, yes, let's keep romance alive. I saw a segment on T.V. recently and it said when you go out with just your spouse, pretend you're on a first date. No talking about kids, money, problems at work, just explore the mind and heart of the person you're with. That i would hope would always keep romance alive..,Mary Kennedy Eastham, Author, 'The Shadow of a Dog I Cant Forget' and the upcoming novel, 'Night Surfing'

Kelley Nyrae said...

Word Actress, LOVE the idea of going out with your spouse and pretending its a first date.