Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Date Night? It's about Damn TIME!

The other night I had a spat with my husband of almost 26 years. It was a dumb thing. We'd both been working really hard moving stuff back into the master bedroom that we'd just had painted and remodeled and he said something and I said something and he said SOMETHING BACK!!! You get the drift.

Yep. I love him to pieces but we behaved like a couple of two-year olds having a tantrum. By the time the morning rolled around, I realized we were both tired, sweaty, and stressed and that's what happened. Yeah, we both realize these things pretty quickly and I think this is probably why we'll celebrate our 26th year together at the end of this month. We tend to talk things out and have no big problems realizing why sometimes, we act like children.

When the kids were little, we used to take a break from the "child-rearing insanity" by having DATE NIGHT once a week. We didn't do anything fancy most of the time. Just a nice dinner, maybe walk around the mall or drive through neighborhoods to check out landscaping ideas. Just dopey stuff but we were together...two adults who have built a life and are raising kids and all the other good things.

For some reason we got away from all that and now we're staring an empty nest dead in the eye. Okay. I've been thinking hard about this and after our little spat and the goodwill we felt over the weekend when it was all over, I've decided that it's time to re-institute DATE NIGHT. It might not be anything big. Maybe dinner. Maybe one night I'll surprise him with a nice bottle of wine and music on the back patio. I figure it doesn't have to cost a lot of money.

I don't know. I'm beginning to think sometimes we lose little bits of the reasons we fell in love in the first place but in the end, the foundation remains strong. Kind of like a nice house that you bought when you first married but now it needs a fresh coat of paint or some new carpet. Yeah, I KNOW. Weird analogy but you get the drift. So I just told him I was putting my foot down. We're going to have date night again and the smile on his face warmed my heart. Hm. Suppose he's been thinking about this too? I like to think so.

What do you do to keep the love alive in your marriage/relationship? Want to share some interesting ideas? Not asking for kinky here...lol, just the little romantic things you might do to keep things purring along. If you aren't in a relationship, how do you envision you would work to keep the love alive?


Anne Rainey said...

I'm getting on my box. Lookout.

To be honest, sometimes the best way to keep a marriage strong is by keeping the sex hot and heavy. It sounds shallow when I say that, but honestly, good sex is a huge part of marriage. It's a great way to relieve stress. It's a great way to connect with your spouse in a way that you just can't any other way.

There are times that work just keeps getting in the way. Always work. There's never enough hours in the day. With all the interruptions, like cell phones, computers, the television, it's hard to just shut everything off and go off and get nekkid. But it's necessary.

For me, having two teenage daughters at home, it's tough to find time to be alone. So what's the solution? Steal it. Steal the time. Even if it's just THAT obvious what mom and dad are doing with the bedroom door closed and locked. Who cares? They'll grow up knowing mom and dad had a healthy love life and what a great way to show them how to keep a marriage strong, right?!

We all get into a rut and right now I feel like I'm there. But if I don't do something about it, I'll never get out of the rut! It won't fix itself!

And lets face the facts here. Sometimes men respond best when they feel like you still want them. They like to know they've still got what it takes to turn you on. They aren't that different than women in that respect. We all like to think we're still able to stir the fire.

So what do I plan to do? I plan to just steal the time and dive right in. No planning, no build up. I'm going to watch and wait, then when the time is right I'm going to grab him away from his work and take charge. And you know what? I think he's going to love the hell out of it too. LOL

Molly Daniels said...

I too steal time with my sweetheart whenever I can, even if it means simply leaving the 16-yr-old in charge while we go get a coffee, or shopping together.

And the way their jaws dropped when he announced he and I were getting a room while they stayed at Grandma's this weekend...

Anne Rainey said...

I'm jealous! LOL I want alone time too!!

I wonder if the girls would want to stay with their grandma this weekend...hmm..

Regina Carlysle said...

That's what I'm talkin' about. Steal the damn time if you have to. We've actually just SHUT the DOOR and almost always, the kids are grinning at us later. Have fun? They'll ask. Baaad kids. HA.

Anny Cook said...

My kids grew up thinking all moms and dads went off and closed the bedroom door in the middle of the day. They still think that.

When you have four kids... well the rule was don't disturb unless you need the fire department or an ambulance.

Kelley Nyrae said...

Well good sex is always a way like Anne said. We prectice that one often. Also for us we find a way to laugh together. Some times we'll be in the middle of one of those stupid little arguments and one of us will break it by saying something funny or kind of teasing the other and we end up laughing together and all is well. We used to do that A LOT at night and I miss that. With long hours and two kids (one an infant who isn't sleeping through the night so her crib has to be in our room so she doesn't wake up our four year old) it's a lot harder. I remember years ago before we had kids a friend of mine had to stay with us for a while. She told me that she used to hear Dom and I in our room late at night just laughing like crazy and how she hoped to have that one day.

Regina Carlysle said...

It's sooo hard when kids are little. Once they are teens they're kind of out there doing their own thing so it helps.

Last night, I suggested dinner and a movie for the weekend. Nothing wrong with that. Nope, not sexy or anything but we'll be together, just the two of us.

Thing is, everyone is so busy and works so hard that it's the EASY thing to just blow it off because we're tired. Nope...it's work to make time but we just have to do it.

Genella deGrey said...

Hello - This is my first post here. I found you through the Novel Sisterhood group. :)

Date night - YES! (Although, since we have a 4 year-old, it more often than not turns into movie night in the front room.)

Keep that bedroom steamy - YES! Seduce the hell out you your man! (A couple times a week if you can.) He'll love it, I promise.

And in the light of day, when all the doors and windows are open, have a hobby you enjoy doing together. If you don't have one, learn something new. The point is, do it TOGETHER.

My other half and I just had our 9th anniversary last week. I lit candles, made an Italian dish I know he loves, we had wine and I played a CD of love songs in the background. After we ate, we sat quietly and listened to the music.

After we put the kid-o in his bed, the blissful party of two moved to mommy & daddy's room for a little privacy. ;)

The evening was wonderful - he is wonderful - I'm still crazy about him like a star-struck teenager after almost a decade. And he's good to have around for love scene research. ;)


Regina Carlysle said...

Ahhhhh Genella! That sounds YUMMY. A delicious celebration. Getting around the little kids is a crazy challenge in trying to keep things LIVELY and I've done that. The empty nest thing will be a whole new deal. I'm thinking...doing special dinners with candles, wine, and soft music. Maybe some traveling that we've put off to very romantic places like the mountains or ITALY. Something like that.

Regina Carlysle said...

Oh and GENELLA...don't be a stranger. Please come back. We loooove to play.

Molly Daniels said...

Forgot to mention...when we lived in the apartment and had no locks on the door, we'd lock ourselves in the bathroom, of all places!

Or, put a chair in front of the bedroom door so they couldn't open it *grin*!

barbara huffert said...

Good for you. And may I say I'm very proud of both of you too. Maybe HEA's aren't just in our books after all.