Friday, October 24, 2008

Friends Worth Keeping

Yesterday Anne talked about mean girls and we had a really interesting conversation about high school and petty nastiness involving young boys and girls. The comments and stories had me riveted especially as the talk turned to bullies. I've been thinking about the comments and observations and I've come to the conclusion that people involved in romance, whether readers or writers, are such good people. Someone commented about that yesterday and I started thinking and remembering.

Maybe I'm feeling nostaligic and remembering things. I grew up in a pretty small town, did the college thing, the mom-with-little-kids thing and now I'm facing an empty nest. Nothing like that to make you evaluate where you ARE. Once my daughter leaves home, I'll still have my writing and my writer FRIENDS and I know they'll help me get through things. Locally I have acquaintances but there aren't many who understand what I do everyday, nor do they care. Writers are solitary people, as a rule. We are spinning our words into interesting (we hope) stories. We deal with our editors and publishers. We promote our work on loops and blogs and during the times we are out in public, we are observing probably more than we are actually participating. Does that make sense? Or is this just me? I don't know.

One thing I DO know is that some of the nicest people I've met in the entirety of my life have been within this little world of ours. I have a handful of friends, all of whom I've met in the past couple of years and I honestly believe I could tell any of these women ANYTHING and there would be no judgment or criticism. Maybe it's because we observe the world so closely that we identify and empathize with others on an emotional level. Romance writers are decent people (both men and women) who explore the power of love and deal with emotional issues every day while producing their stories.

I share everything with this group of talented people. We read each other's work, we brainstorm, we discuss our kids and our work and I realized yesterday how lucky I am to have such strong friendships. When one of us has good news, I tear up and grin from ear to ear. I am there for them as they are here for me and distance doesn't, in the end, mean a damn thing. It's nice to know.

So in honor of the coming weekend, write a friend and tell her how much she/he means to you. Mine keep me going, keep me sane. Hugs to you and thanks for the friendship.


Kelley Nyrae said...

I couldn't agree more, Regina. I'm so thankful to count you in my group of friends as well. I share a lot with my writing friends that I don't or can't share with my other friends. I don't know what I'd do without you guys some times.

Regina Carlysle said...

Ah, I feel the same way. It's nice to get on and just feel so comfortable chatting. I've been thinking lately that it's almost EASIER making friends this way. There's no pretense. Everyone is REAL. That's nice.

Anne Rainey said...

I agree with you and Kelley both. I'd be lost without my online friends. I don't have friends outside of the friends I've made as a writer and a reader online. I tend to be a hermit (my daughter calls me that, lol). Growing with three older brothers, being the only girl and the youngest, it was very much like being alone. I spent most of my time entertaining myself.

After I had kids, I grew lonely. I'd quit my job and became a stay-home mom and that can be very depressing at times. You spend all your time with children, that's rewarding and fun, but you miss the adult interaction. When I discovered the internet it helped me to connect with the outside world.

In the last year or so, I've gotten to know a few people online really well and it's been great! I can share the bad times with them, as well as the good times. Friendship and family, that's all we really need. Well, chocolate isn't too bad either. LOL

Regina Carlysle said...

You know, it's not just about sharing "industry" stuff either. We talk about our kids and our lives. Writers are so isolated sometimes and these kinds of connections are just invaluable.

Molly Daniels said...

You know, ten years ago if anyone had told me I would be communicating with authors all over the world and keeping in touch by email/blog/chat loops, I would have asked what they were smoking. Ten years ago I wondered how the hell you maintain a 'friendship' with people you've never met.

I've made some of the most rewarding friendships in the last year; people who understand the frustrations we all face in our publishing efforts and offer words of encouragement and constructive criticism.

Thanks guys! I'm sooo glad I 'met' you, and hopefully one day we can actually meet in person:)

Regina Carlysle said...

Same here, Molly! I KNOW there are people here locally who would just shake their heads if they knew my best friends are right HERE!

Sarah said...

I think the internet is so amazing and cool. I live in NZ, so am a wee way away but it is so cool to be able to communicate with artists and authors and also discuss books with like minded individuals. :)

barbara huffert said...

Hugs, my friend.

Regina Carlysle said...

Back at'cha B!!!


Regina Carlysle said...

I KNOW Sarah. Isn't it cool to be able to make friends with people from EVERYWHERE??? It's just the BEST.

Genella deGrey said...

At my first conference in Atlanta, I was walking by two ladies who were on the hotel staff. They were talking about how wonderful and kind the guests were that week.

That's when it hit me. As writers we know our villains, and we know our heroes, and we know the difference between the two.

We choose the path less traveled upon: The Hero's path. We are truly blessed to have each other.

Cindy Spencer Pape said...

Well, I've seen plenty of mean and petty among romance authors too, unfortunately, but I've met so many wonderful people too. Hugs, Reg. You're one of the good ones.