Monday, March 9, 2009

stinkin' users

It's Monday and it's time to rant. LOL
We all have someone in our life that makes us crazy. That person you try to avoid at all costs. She/he wants one thing, to USE you. Well, in the writing world there are users too. Unfortunately. They don't want to do their own legwork, so they hit you up instead. After all, why go to all the trouble if you can just send an email to someone and get all the answers you need in one swoop? Here's the clincher, they're not your crit partner, they're not there when you need them. These people spring up only when they're in need. Amazing how quiet they are the rest of the time, isn't it?
Writers are always willing to share information. Please don't get me wrong, that's what writers do. We help each other. I love that aspect of this business. We're all willing to give some advice, help out if someone is stumped on a plot, a blurb, trying to come up with a title. Share research information. We share information about good publishers and bad publishers. Fantastic editors and duds. We scratch each other's backs all the time and that's a wonderful thing. But then you always have a few that don't do any damned scratching! Those are the ones you just shake your head over, isn't it? The best friend, as long as you have something she/he wants. I've come across a few and let me just say, I've learned that users are a real pain in the ass.
In real life it happens much in the same way. A smiling buddy or family member...when they need you to run an errand or fix their problem. Or drop everything to give them your entire day because they couldn't be bothered to make proper freaking plans!
I can't figure out if these individuals really understand that they're being incredibly annoying or not. Maybe they really don't see the error of their ways. Maybe they don't get the fact that they are permenantly on my list of people to avoid. However, I don't think that's the case. I think they know and just don't give a crap. After all, someone who does it time and time again, with no regards to you or your time, can't possibly be that dense. I think it's more a case of, they just don't really care if they're being a user. It's simply who they are.
Any thoughts? LOL


Ashley L said...

I know people like this. I constantly try to avoid them but they always find their way to me. For some of them, it's just who they are. Others, I think, take pleasure in making other people crazy.

Channon said...

Wow!! I think you summed it up pretty well. I have known a few people like that and purposefully lost touch when we moved just so they will not know where I am. Evil!! Huh??

Kelley Nyrae said...

Ugh! It's so frustrating, isn't it?I'll never understand that. Personally, I don't feel comfortable even going to people for help unless it's someone I'm close to. Then it's an understanding. We're there for each other not just me there for them.

Regina Carlysle said...

I don't worry to much about talking with my friends about writing matters. I've been very lucky with getting generous feedback and help. They are there for me and know I'm there, too. truly hit a sore spot with me this morning. In the personal areas of my life, I get 'used' and tromped on all the time. People who on any other day couldn't spare me a moment think NOTHING of showing up to beg for help. Once it's given, they disappear from my life until I'm needed again. This is often very painful for me.

Cindy K. Green said...

Don't tell but that is my MIL to a tee. ;) Very annoying.

Anne Rainey said...

loves2read--Amen, sister! That's just it, it's who they are. So, trying to tell them what they're doing is annoying doesn't work. They just don't give a crap!

Channon--I want to move SO BADLY!! I cannot tell you! I dream of this! LOL

Anne Rainey said...

Kelley--I never mind answer a question or two. Usually I know they will answer mine in return. But there are just some who could give a crap about helping you. In their world, it's all about them.

Regina--The hardest is when it's 'real life'. You can't avoid them so easily. Well, you could but then you come off as the bitch. *sigh*

Anne Rainey said...

Cindy--I'm lucky, my MIL is a gem. Sweet and caring and never ever pushy. I would tell who my user is, but then it'd get around and that'd be bad. :-/

Debra St. John said...

Those kind of people drive me nuts! Rant away.

Mary Ricksen said...

We all know people like this. Weeding them out is the best thing you can do.
I am such a sap, that I get this a lot.
I have a fried who life I saved when she had taken an overdose of pills. I got the EMT's there right away and they took her to the ER.
Her husband had left for a younger woman after 25 yrs. of marriage. She couldn't handle it. She was devastated.
A long time after the incident she said to me. "You saved my life and I will forever be indebted to you. I want to do something for you, anything. What can I do to make it up to you? Just tell me." I told her I'd think about it because she was so insistent.
I thought about it for a day or two. And then I asked to watch my two dogs for a couple of days. She knows them well and could stay at my house or hers. My mother was sick and I needed to go to see her.
Her quick response was,"I can't do that." I said nothing. I was so annoyed. I don't see her much anymore. So yes I know what you mean! But I would still do the same thing I did before.

Unknown said...

I'm in the same boat as Regina. I get used a lot. I tried not helping some much but I discovered that I have to be who I am or I wind up miserable.

Julie Robinson said...

Thanks for the laugh, Anne. That picture is hilarious! Two of our three cats tend to look that way a lot. I always think "if they were any bigger . . ."

I do know what you mean about users, though. My DH says I have sucker written on my forehead. I tell him that I'm just a girl that can't say no. I think it comes from a feeling of hating to disappoint others.

It's funny how the people who tend to be used more are the very ones who are most reluctant to ask others for help. From the comments, I see that I'm not the only one like that.


Anne Rainey said...

Mary--wow. That's pretty bold of her to say no. I guess she forgot how who saved her life, huh?

Connie--I don't feel this happens to me a lot. Just by two very specific people. One I easily avoid, the other is harder to deal with because of the situation. Frustrating!

Anne Rainey said...

Julie--you hit the nail on the head. I'd much rather do things for myself if at all possible. I hate to 'depend' on anyone. There are a few people I don't mind asking, because they KNOW I'd help them right back, but other than that, nope. I figure out a way or do without.

Julie Robinson said...

"I'd figure out a way or do without."

Ditto on that Anne!
Even my parents used sigh and call me Miss Independent.