Monday, August 16, 2010
Erotic Romance Writers' Syndrome
Okay, today we’re going to come out of the closet. We’re going to shed light on a subject only whispered about in Erotic Romancelandia. We’ve all got it. All of us suffer from this ailment, this complaint—although why we’d complain is beyond me.
So what is it we all have? Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome. And what is it? Here’s my “scientific definition”:
Syndrome/ailment not yet recognized by the medical and or psychiatric community in which writing and or reading erotic romance brings about partial to full-blown sexual arousal. Sufferers of this condition (did I really say “sufferers”?) experience intense sexually related physical sensations within their body that can and almost always requires immediate attention.
To assuage the onset of aforementioned symptoms, the following treatment is recommended:
1. A significant other.
2. Anybody you can grab in a rush—latex required.
3. Barring the presence of available bodies—battery-operated devices.
4. Fingers (an old-fashioned method but still quite effective).
5. In some cases chocolate has been known to alleviate minor symptoms.
Warning: Cold showers only prolong the inevitable and are NOT advised.
Now raise your hand…errrr…come out of lurkdom and admit you have this situation any time you write or read an erotic romance. We’re all friends here. We understand your pleasure…errrr…pain? Are you one of those who body-slams your significant other when he/she walks through the door? Are you one of those who orders things that arrive in the mail in plain brown wrappers? Do you have Duracell batteries on auto-order? Has the chocolate helped?
If you write erotic romance and don’t appear to have Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome, then you’re not writing it hot enough—dig deeper and stroke it, honey!—you should be moaning and groaning at the keyboard, sliding off your chair. OR if you read erotic romance and have not yet experienced this incredible phenomenon, then I suggest you commit to this five-step program.
Five Steps to Developing Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome:
1. Read Regina Carlysle books.
2. Read Anne Rainey books.
3. Read Madison Scott books.
4. Read Natalie Dae books.
5. Read Tess MacKall books.
You too can be a proud carrier of Erotic Romance Writers’ Syndrome.
Many thanks to Madison, Anne, and Regina for inviting me to blog with them. I’m already having a great experience here at Three Wicked Writers Plus Two. Well, I think I’ve caused enough mischief for one day. Hope everyone is happily reading and writing. See ya next Monday!