Monday, January 17, 2011

My Life In The Zoo

Before I begin, I’d like to take a moment to remember what this day means. I was too young to participate in what was going on and certainly too young to understand. But later as an adult I came to understand.

Today we celebrate the birthday of Martin Luther King. He was a man of great conviction and strength. A man of faith who delivered hope. He inspired a nation and because of his words and deeds we are a better people.

Thank You.


We all have those days in which nothing seems to go right. That’s a given. Mine seem to be constant, however. There is always something a bit off kilter. Some monkey wrench that gets thrown at me and keeps me off balance. It’s gotten to the point that each morning before I get out of bed, I think about all the possible scenarios. I never just throw the covers back anymore and set my feet to the floor. No, I’ve learned not to do that.

A couple of weeks ago I threw back the covers and the beagle went flying through the air. Sorry, didn’t know he was there or I was that strong. Guess it was because he was at the foot of the bed and nice and relaxed. And if that wasn’t enough, the next morning I put my feet on the floor to step on a chewed up rawhide. OUCH!

On Saturday, we had a flood in the laundry room. One day last week I had a flat tire. And in prepping for our winter storm I had an experience in the grocery store that I’ll never forget—blogged about it here if you would like to see how all that went—

Yesterday was no different for me. Something always sets my nerves a-jangling. I was sitting at my comp working on an edit for a friend. I was really into it, too. The door to the living room was closed and I was in the back end of the house in my little office alcove minding my own business.

At first the noise started kind of low and far away, but then it grew in intensity and all of a sudden I heard kids screaming. Oh Hell! Screaming kids is NEVER a good thing. So I went into Mama Mode. You know what I mean. Whatever made your kid scream needs to get running and get running quick because it is about to be faced with THE BEAR. THE LION. THE BEAST FROM THE BOWELS OF HELL.

Anything that makes your kid scream is in deep do-do for sure.

With no weapon handy, I go into the thick of things bare-fisted. Yeah, had those clubs of mine ready for action—and still wearing my nightie. Not sure I’d even combed my hair. But it didn’t matter how ugly I looked at the time, I wanted to look ugly so whatever/whoever was making my kids scream would scream and run. Right? Right.

Yep, wasn’t like I could stop by the bathroom and run a brush through my hair or apply lipstick for sure.

I shoved that living room door open and good lord almighty. In the middle of my beautiful living room, on my shiny hardwood floor—not the family room where these THINGS should be—but in my LIVING ROOM—the two abandoned dogs were going at it like—well, like rabid dogs!

I know you’re thinking “abandoned? They’re in your house, Tess. How can they be abandoned?” It’s like this. I had two dogs. Both mutts. Both perfectly well-behaved, loving, sweet, adorable mutts. And then I had one teenager bring home another mutt and begged to keep it. I said no no no no no. But her father said okay. So we got that mutt which is a mixture of Pit Bull and Rottweiler. Then two months later, the second teenager—and not my boy—no, that child is sane—but the other girl decided she should have her very own dog too. These girls are eighteen and nineteen and should be well past the I-need-a-puppy stage. And I said NO to both. But their father said YES. Asshole.

The second dog was a beagle. And that beagle is mean, bossy, uppity, and just plain pisses me off. Cute, trust me it’s cute, and I have always had a fondness for beagles. My sweet little beagle Sammie was hit by a car three years ago and I still miss that dog. But this dog is nothing like Sammie. This dog thinks it is ten feet tall and bullet proof. And it starts fights. Barks at everything that moves and jumps everything, too, including tht Pit Bull/Rottweiller mix. And every time it does jump on that dog, it bleeds. You’d think it would learn.

So why have they been abandoned? Because my girls are legally of age. That’s why. Both of them practically live with boyfriends now and just stop in at my house for a meal and money. So they are never here to feed, water, let the dogs in and out, bathe them or just plain deal with them in general. AND they don’t buy dog food or treat their wounds either.

Okay, I walked into the living room, fists in the air, see this mess and out of the corner of my eye see my brother running with a big pot from the kitchen area. SPLASHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

OHHHHH EMMMMMM GEEEEEEE. Water floods my beautiful gleaming hardwood floor and my gorgeous plum-colored floral oriental area rug and those two dogs.

And it wasn’t enough. Here came POT NO. 2. Yes, middle girl just happened to be home. SPLASHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My bare feet are covered in water and a string of expletives about five miles long came out of my mouth and with the strength of a sonic boom. I was no longer in Mama Mode. I was in EAT-THE-FAMILY MODE.

Of all the stupid... OMG OMG. I wanted to kill. And then? The two dogs started up again. I saw both my brother and the girl running back to the kitchen for more water. STUPID!!!! I know I know. Throw cold water on them. I don’t care. This is my living room.

So I took my foot and kicked them. Kicked them hard and several times. Yep, my bare foot. One went flying one way and the other the other way. I grabbed the beagle by her collar and put her in the hall and closed the door.

My brother said, “They could have chewed your foot off.”

I said, “Don’t care. It’s better than having a freaking $500 rug ruined.”

He said, “Seriously.”

I gave him one of those shut-the hell-up looks and said, “Clean this mess up.”

He said, “ME?”

And then he got another look.

I walked into the hall, shutting the door behind me, and didn’t see the beagle anywhere. I checked every room. And what did I find? Said beagle was in the center of my bed—bleeding onto my big pink comforter. YEAH! It had bite marks—small, nothing serious—on it’s upper chest area and one on its leg. No huge amount of blood but it was my freaking comforter!

I whipped out my cell phone and called its MAMA. Gave her hell and gave her five minutes to get her butt home. She got there, took care of the dog and went to Pet Smart for ANOTHER bottle of doggie antiseptic. I guess she was upset because she ended up having a conversation with the doggie dude there who recommended some calming pills for the dogs. So the dogs are now medicated. Yep, they are now nice and sleepy all the time. Yayyyyyy

And as of this morning, they both have appointments for a little “snip snip” too. Balls awaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

So, does anyone want to know why I can’t write. Why I can’t get anything done?

On another note--a more pleasant one, I hope. Natalie Dae, Regina Carlysle, and MOI, are starting a newsletter group. Once a month--around the first--we'll be delivering the news about our books and lives to anyone who joins. This won't be a chat group, of course, just once a month news from us to you. If you're interested in finding out all about us, entering our contests, and hearing all our latest publishing news, you can join our newsletter--entitled RISQUE--and Risque should have an accent over the E and is pronounced like an A but blogger won't let me do that. lol Here's the link--we'd love to have you join!


Anny Cook said...

Geez... where were you when I had six cats, a St. Bernard, a pound puppy and seven people in a double-wide mobile home. I could have USED THE HELP!!!

Tess MacKall said...

Have foot, will travel, Anny. Bring 'em on, hon. lol

Natalie Dae said...

Oh my bloody word, you're so funny. I laughed so hard at the comforter being thrown back and the dog going flying.

I'd be peeved if I were you. Sometimes life is so full of this kind of stuff it makes you want to scream.


Tess MacKall said...

I've noticed that I scream and yell a lot these days, Nat. The kids look at me real funny too.

I'm not normally a screamer. Not much rattles me. I've always been one of those Moms who could balance a toddler on her hip, hold the head of a five-year old while it's upchucking in the floor and stir the beef stew on the stove all while cradling the phone to my ear and straightening out the cable company bill.

But lately, I'm rattled big time.
Something has got to give. And it may very well be these dogs have to go. We'll see how the snip snip goes.

C. Zampa said...

I laughed at the beagle flying through the air, too! You must not know your own strength!LOL.

I am tired now, from reading your story. Sigh...LOL.

And I know it wasn't funny for you, but it was sure funny to read!

Thanks for sharing!

Tess MacKall said...

I tend to jump out of bed in the mornings, CZ. When I wake up, I'm wide awake and just chomping at the bits to get started. I'm a morning person. I wake up revived and ready to take on the world.

Of course, it slowly fizzles as the day wears on. sighhhhhh As does my strength. lol

Lily Harlem said...

I can totally identify with your day Tess! When you have animals and kids (whatever their age or species!) life is always interesting! :-)

Foxx Miyamoto said...

LOL..I totally sympathize, Tess. I've got two grown men in the house and my six year-old son. With all that unmitigated testosterone, something's ALWAYS going wonky around here! Glad you didn't kill anyone...or lose a foot ;)

Regina Carlysle said...

Oh honey! You have too many kids and too many animals. Somethings gotta give before you lose your freakin' mind. Sorry about this but I laughed sooooo hard. Can just visualize this. "have foot will travel"????? SNORT.

Lisa Alexander Griffin said...

My dogs are normally outside dogs, but in this cold weather we've been having, I brought them inside. Shiloh is nine and Katie is seven months old.

We've been doing the in and out thing with Shiloh for years, so he's potty trained. lol. Little Katie's had a few accidents, and she's a whiner too. Never knew that until now. She's so bad that we have to shut our bedroom doors at night to keep her from jumping in bed and waking us up. lol. Poor dog can't stand being alone.

Anyway, Tess, all that water on the hardwood flooring may make it warp some, and your poor rug! I'd have those dogs snipped too, plus take damages out of the girls spending money. I'd have been very upset. :(

Tess MacKall said...

LOL You got it, Lily. And I could go with a little less interesting these days too.

So wishing for boredom. Where did that go?

Tess MacKall said...

Oh God...Cindy, when my brother's testosterone starts raging and he does his chest-beating act, I beat my breasts. Seriously.

He knows I don't believe in his mess. LOL

Life is just busy, isn't it?

Tess MacKall said...

Yeah, Reg...I need a break. The beach in July and then Romanticon in late September. I'll be ready for several margs when those getaways arrive.

And yep, have foot will travel. And by the time I get to where ya are, hon, I'll have booted up too!

Tess MacKall said...

Thankfully, all these dogs are potty-trained, Lisa. would NOT work for them not to be. My house used to be a nice size house. Lately, it's gotten smaller though. My den is 14 x 24. Now it feels like a 10 x 10 with four dogs to step over all the time.

I've taken everything away from those girls I can for other crap they've pulled. They are both down to bread and water as it is. Seriously.

My hardwood is okay. It's sealed with five coats of moisture-cured industrial-strength polyurethane. I was really more concerned about that rug. lol

Madison Scott said...

Aw, poor doggie. LOL. I've had a few of those days lately too.

Tess MacKall said...

Yeah, must be that time of year.

Cassie Exline said...

That's why I have a fish. ((flush))) and it's over Charlie. lol How you manage as much as you do is beyond me.

Wendy A said...

Tess that is horrible but it is funny to i don't now how you can handle it that is a lot of dogs you are a tough lady i hope things get better for you

Tess MacKall said...

We have fish, too, Cassie. Betas. And smart girl oldest dau---put the Betas in the same damn bowl. What happened, they tried to eat each other.

Not joking. Hunks of fins and tail just disappearing. They are in separate bowls now side by side. All is well in the Beta dept. lol

And I'm NOT doing it all. That's just it. Right now I have a horrible headache. I can hear one kid mimicking a monkey in the other room---like we need more animal sounds--and another one is yelling at him to shut up. I'm going to give him five bucks.

sighhhh And off to the grocery store--headache in tow.

Tess MacKall said...

Hiya Wendy,

Thanks for joining our newsletter group.

I thought I was tough, but I'm beginning to wonder. My life--my family--needs to slow down.

I can only maintain for so long. No one can keep up this pace for sure. But right now I'm hanging in there. lol

Jeanie and Jayha said...

OMG, I had to grab hold of the table to stop myself from sliding to the floor as I LMMFAO. This was a wonderful way to end a round of editing.

Tess MacKall said...

JJ...glad I could relieve the editing stress. lol Anytime, hon. Like I said, My Life In The Zoo.

It can get crazy. And it's making ME crazy. lol

Anonymous said...

No story better than real life! What a day. How did the edit finally go?
Liz Arnold
Message to Love
The Wild Rose Press

Tess MacKall said...

Broke my concentration, Liz. had to put it away for a while. But I got back on it the next day.

Real life can be funny---after the fact. lol

Zina said...

Please forgive me Tessa for laughting.....usually that's my life!!!

自拍a片 said...