Wednesday, July 27, 2011

So you wanna talk about secrets??

Last week I talked about secrets, well, not quiet secrets, but close to it. Lots of comments of not spilling the beans on...everything. So this week I'm telling it all, the good, the bad, the ugly & what's ticked me off. You asked for it so here it is!

First of here's my biggest secret. I don't write humor. Really I'm not a humorous writer and I never set out to be one. Then again when I started this crazy journey I thought I'd tell tales of romantic suspense that would keep you up at night with a gun in one hand and my book in the other. Yeah, that's not happened. Who knew my viewpoint of the world would be considered funny? Either that or people have a really weird sense of reality.

Next, I'm not mysterious. There's no veil of wonder surrounding me like there are with some writers. I thought about getting my mystic going, but sheesh do you realize how much time and more important attention it takes to be all vague and coy. Nope, not for me. If you see me at a conference I won't be hidden in meetings with my editors or in the VIP section rubbing elbows with NYT best sellers. Nope, I'm in the bar, harassing Desiree Holt, chatting with Sam Cayto and sucking up to the bartender and waitstaff. If you see me pull up a chair unless I'm sitting alone and way too close to a hot cover model. In that case interrupt at your own risk!

Third thing you didn't know about moi. I will NEVER read my own work once it's published. I can't, literally, I can't. Makes me freak out, but not in a fun Allie had too many drinks sort of way. I mentally tear apart my work and wonder what the heck I was thinking. Yikes, I'm a freak and I own it!

Also, you will never see a hero of mine with a mustache or any facial hair for that matter. It just creeps me out and no I have no idea why. My father has a facial hair and I like him. Hmmmm, maybe that's it. Oh yuck now I've freaked myself out by thinking too deeply.

Oh here's a good one: I don't write menage because it confuses me. Not the idea of it, but the specific details like who's on first and what's on second. It gets all confusing and I have enough trouble with two people in bed/shower/wall. Though if two hot hunks (were, fae, demi-god) wanted to kidnap me and seduce into the three way love I'd only object for a half a second :

This isn't a secret, but some people seriously want to know this mess. Ughhh, no I do NOT physically research my sex scenes. There's the little matter of finding such mythical creatures as half demi-gods, vampires, desert demons, werewolves and well you get the idea. Also do you think if I did get my hands on any of the above you'd see me here? Nope I'd be too busy with my demon/date to blog. Sorry, guys & gals, but hot studly muffin beats girl chit chat any day :)

Another weird secret...I love stale cheese puffs. Yeah the kind most of you would throw away if the bag is left open. No I don't understand it either. A friend of mine says "It's an Allie thing, no one sane would understand." I'm choosing to take it as a compliment.

Yep, the last one had nothing to do with writing, but thought I'd throw it out there anyway.

Now, I wanna here some dirty naughty details. What turns you on, turns you off and what makes you jump your honey, like me at a tiara sale? Is it the idea of being tied up at the mercy of your lover? Or just the opposite having your lover bound, open and vulnerable to all your desires? Does the thought of your lover spending hours slowing exploring every inch of your flesh with gentle hands, mouth and tongue get your pulse pounding? Or is it a rough pounding that sets your pulse thumping? Having a mate lose control in his desperation to take you, ripping of your clothes with rough urgent hands while his teeth sink into your tender skin?

What books draw you? What authors make you squirm late at night as you rub ice against your heated chest? Or does the picture of your lover times two take you over the edge? Being the cream center in the middle of a hot male oreo drive you to distraction? Or maybe it's the thought of being taken every way possible by three male lovers (or more) intent only on your pleasure, over and over again.
A little voyeurism making your palms damp? Or maybe knowing someone out there, unknown and unseen is watching you touch yourself push you over the edge? Or something a little more taboo turn your knees to mush? A strong alpha male taking another male in a elemental expression of devotion while you watch? The sexy woman next door has you breathe catching each time you watch her bend over to garden?
Toys and a little flogging make your heart go pity-pat? The smell of leather has you running to change your undies?
In the very hot and sensual world of erotica what makes you loyal to one author? Because we all know without the sex there's very little connection between you and the characters. Sex is an emotional bridge which helps us connect to the very core of the hero and heroines sensual truth. No bouncy bed (or wall, rug, stove, motorcycle...) no connection. No reason to read another book.

Now, spill it ladies. What gets you hot, what gets you nervous, but most of all what get you coming back for more?


Hot Ash Romance Novels said...

I can't believe you don't think you're funny! You're hilarious, girl...unless yo don't mean to be, in which case, I apologize wholeheartedly.

Tess MacKall said...

OMG...I like stale cheese puffs too! My kids think I'm nuts. We just had this discussion. The boy opened up a bag, put one in his mouth, and spit it out. He immediately handed the bag to me. I said, "Ohhhh, stale, huh?" Damn.

Anyway, LMAO @ menage being confusing. I'm the same way. I can't figure out which tongue is doing what and exactly where. Give me a quad and I bounce off the walls!

What turns me on? BITING.

And I know what you mean about not trying to be funny. I get laughed at all the time and I just can't figure out why. LMAO

lynneconnolly said...

At least there are no secrets involving me this time!
You're funny in real life, so it probably comes naturally to you, and I love you to bits - Desiree said I would, and she's always right!

lynneconnolly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allie Standifer said...

Hey, stale cheese puffs rock!! Glad I'm not the only one who can't keep positions, tongues, fingers and toes straight. Ackk, I know lots of our friends do & do it well, but unless I have the idiot's guide then I'll stick to my one on one. Biting, huh? Nice and sexy, Tess. Something about getting lost in passion and losing control that is a big turn on!!

Allie Standifer said...

Ash, I'm not touching your comment :) I promise it's not intentional. Then again I find you just as funny so maybe we both warped?
Maybe my brain was damaged by my brother all those years ago. Ya know, I could sue for personality distress....

Allie Standifer said...

Lynne, my love, thank you for the compliment. However we never never never tell Desiree Holt she's right about anything. We'll never live it down!

Harlie Williams said...

Princess you are beyond funny whether intentional or not. Secrets..have many so here you go:

1. Have to eat Little Debbie Zebra Cakes before I go to bed. Bet that's why my butt is big.
2. Love to have my back tickled. DH says to always leads to...
3. Always wanted to be tied up.
4. I like to read menage but I don't share well.
5. Would love to stay home and not work outside the home. Economy says otherwise.
6. Married someone 7 yrs younger than me. Cougarish, I know.

Turn ons-goatees (full not that crap just on the chin), listening to DH talk to our son about nothing-just being a dad, toys, being completely dominated and not having to do a thing...

I have more but that's all for now.

Sorry if too much TMI...but hey, you asked.

Elece said...

Not funny my ass!! Sitting at work in a room full of prudes and what I decide to do? Read your blog. Big mistake. I had to flee in order to escape spilling, and thus causing mass offense to tight wads! Lol!

Biting, a lil hair pulling and everything you said better than I could, sans ogling the lady neighbor is my cup-o-tea! I have an open mind and am willing to try everything about once. If you don't try it, how can you know if you like it or not. Teehee!! ;0)))

Abigail-Madison Chase said...

I can't belive you don't think your funny...I am laughing as I read this ..BTW sex with fae or demi-gods is over rated.

Allie Standifer said...

Hang on, Elece & Harlie, got to interrogate Abigail Madison Chase. Um, hon, you want to fess up about the intimate details w the fae & demi-gods! Need to know more...NOW!!

Okay, Harlie, no can do the goatee. It squirks me out. Though I think what you said about your DH & son is the sweetest thing!!

Elece, somehow I knew, just knew you 'd be the "Let's try once" type. Ya know I could just see you swinging from the ceiling, dressed as a Care Bear, wearing black leather cat suit w certain cut outs while being dipped in carmel sauce then being whipped with a sparkly flogger!!

Harlie Williams said...

Hubby has a goatee and its sexier than hell on him. Just saying...

Janice Seagraves said...

Ugh, I don't life facial hair either. I do have scruff on my hero in my depute romance novel, but they're on a deserted island so it's expected.

The only thing I like stale is crackers. Regular saltine crackers. And I like to eat fried chicken cold. It takes better.

As for kinks . . . hubby and a vibrator.


Allie Standifer said...

Janice, okay I can understand the whole deserted island goatee thing. Not like he's got a whole lot of choice in the matter, huh?
If you let me have your stale cheese puffs, I'll give you all my stale saltines.
And there is nothing sexier than being close to the person you love!

Elece said...

Holy jeezers!!! Talk about almost wetting yourself! The images...oh Lordy, the images. The only thing that could top it...let me borrow one of your tiaras!! Lol!!

Tess MacKall said...

Care Bear? I had her figured for Cat Woman. And lots of cream!

Elece said...

I'm diggin' the cat woman, Tess! Maybe my tail can be pink and fuzzy!!

Marianne Stephens said...

So many questions at the end...and I'm not answering "out loud"! Too much panting going on as I type.
Now I know lots more about you. I also don't read my books once they're done!

Allie Standifer said...

Marianne, thank you for joining me in the isle of denial! Should I be worried about the panting? Smooches!!!
And no Elece is forever known as SHARE BEAR! The bear with a naughty love affair with not only honey, but a certain spicy cinnamon oil! Hmm, I think I'm off to warn my guards. The poor studlys would be powerless to stop her when she shows up with an innocent looking plastic bear bottle filled with honey!
Hush, Tess, the last thing the royal physician said we need to do is encourage the crazy people in their delusions. He said this while holding up a pic of Elece covered in caramel only half in her bear suit while someone dressed as an ostrich whipped her. So no more happy thoughts directed her way!

Elece said...

You're not helping, Allie!! The fantasies you're helping to create in all my grandiose likie. Is the ostrich guy hot? LOL!!!

Mona Risk said...

This is too funny. I bet your books are as good. No I don't read my book once they are published.