Monday, January 19, 2009

down and unmotivated

Well, it’s Monday. What more can I say? LOL I’m in a strange slump lately. And for some reason it’s hitting me really hard today all of a sudden. I don’t feel like writing, though I know I have to, I don’t feel like doing laundry, though I know I have to, I don’t feel like smiling even. All I want to do is sit on the couch and watch movies all day with the kids, they’re off for MTK Day.
I had an interesting discussing with the DH this weekend and I’m sure that’s part of why I feel discontent today. I won’t go into details, but it’s one of those discussions where you know things are going to change and you can’t do anything about it. Will the change be a good thing or bad? I don’t really know at this point. All I’m sure of is that it will change. Change is one of the hardest things for people to deal with, I think. It’s that out of control feeling that makes us want to dig in our heels and stop the runaway train. My life feels like a runaway train lately.

Everything seems sort of out of my hands. My writing, my marriage, my house. Even though in my heart I know that I do still have control. After all, no one can change your life without you giving the okay. Nevertheless, I feel like someone else is suddenly driving my life and I can’t figure out how to make them let me take over! What’s my solution? I don’t have one. *sigh* I’m hoping once I dig into my current WIP, the stress will melt away and I’ll forget about all the bullshit, at least for a little while. That often happens when I write. It’s a great way to release all those frustrations.

What do you do when you feel like things are just...disharmonious? Do you have a plan of attack? And I don’t mean stress necessarily, but that feeling that your life is somehow being rearranged and no one even bothered to ask your permission, they just did it.


Anonymous said...

when i feel down my sons make me a drink they give me a hug and they sit and watch a soppy film with me until i feel better

Michelle Lauren said...

Aww. Sorry you're having such a rough time. When I feel down, I pamper myself: some rich, creamy chocolate, a good book or a hug from a loved one.

Michelle Lauren
HOW TO TAME A HARPY - American Title Finalist

Cheryl Pierson said...

This last year has been kind of "out of control" for me. Lost my parents within 3 weeks of each other, Dad on Dec. 23, 07, and Mom on Jan. 12,08. In Feb., my husband's sis died, then in March, my sister's oldest daughter (39) was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. She elected to go with the "tree hugging" treatment--wheat grass juice and such, and now only has a few weeks left. Meanwhile, my sister fell and broke her leg in 3 places and just after the surgery to fix it, she had a stroke. I know, none of this is like having something going on with your marriage that you weren't expecting and don't know what to do with. I think there is nothing wrong with sitting on the couch with your kids watching movies from time to time. We just feel so guilty about it, but trust me, your kids will be grown and gone soon--mine all just flew the coop recently, my last one, I should say, and already I miss him so much. Take a day or two to regroup and let your mind recover. I hope things get better for you real soon.

Nancy said...

I too am drowning in misery. I feel I am beating my head against the wall trying to get readers for my work. Maybe I'm just not god enough. Perhaps I didn't deliever on the concept. I don't know any more I just don't know. I feel your pain. I wish I could just cry I cant even muster the tears to do that. What can you do? just keep sloggen through. I need sunshine and warmth I think. If the sun is out... go sit dream. Put it away for the day. As southerns say "TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY"

Emma Lai said...

I understand your thoughts on change. One of the worst things (change wise for me) that has happened in my current marriage was when my husband woke up one morning and told me he wanted to quit his $$$ job (no surprise because he hated it) and move to Roswell, NM to work on a bizarre project -$$$. (Not that $$$ is everything, but it sure helps pay the bills.) I supported his decision because anything was better than watching his daily misery, but Roswell? Really? I had already moved across country once for him, and now we were off again. I went willingly, but the whole thing still threw me into a tizzy.

I regularly suffer from disharmony. Sad to say, but true. I am a control freak and when things start to go, well, it's not pretty. I normally end up pacing restlessly through the house. Not very productive, I know.

I say, if watching movies with the kids is what you want to do then do it. The work will be there tomorrow when the kids are back at school. Enjoy the time you have with them. It may inspire you later.

Best Wishes,

Desirée Lee said...

I don't have a plan of attack. I just internalize all the pain and eventually it eases.


Then again, maybe I'm just over sensitive right now since the weekend didn't go well for me. Oh well. Unlife goes on.

Carpe Noctem,

Desirée Lee
Putting the Romance Back in Necromancy

lynneconnolly said...

Big hugs, Anne. Just -- well, big hugs.

Anne Rainey said...

angietheresa--Your sons sound wonderful! How sweet! :)

Michelle--The thing is I sort of went off my diet and ates ome chips and cheese, now I feel guilty on top of everything. LOL

Anne Rainey said...

Cheryl--I'm so sorry about your parents. (((((hugs)))) And I'm terribly sorry about your sister and her daughter. Wow, that really is a lot to deaal with.

No, my marriage is strong, no problems there. The discussion we had led me to think about things that's all. :)

Regina Carlysle said...

I think we all have times when things feel out of our control. Take comfort in the fact, this always passes. You'll adapt to the changes and move on. Just settle back and remember to breathe. Give it some time. Probably sounds like a bunch of crap right now but life does roll on, one way or another and we've just gotta roll with it.

Valerie T. said...

Anne, I can relate. We all go through these, and I have one I'm sort of going through now with my current job. It's OK, and it does pay the bills, but I keep feeling like there's more, that I'm missing out on something. But I continue on... I need to win the lottery so that money isn't an issue and I could do what I want, and not what is expected of me.

If hanging out with the girls and watching movies is what you want to do, then do it. Take a couple days off and enjoy them and take some time to pamper yourself. Go to a day spa and get a facial or a mani/pedi. The work, the people, the laundry, the bills, whatever is bothering you will still be there.

But you'll have pretty toes. Hang in there hon. *squeezy hugs*



Amy Ruttan said...

I heard on the radio that today, January 19, 2009 is considered the most depressing day of the year.

I've been keeping up with my vitamins, because without my vitamin D in this sunless environment I'll just get worse with my seasonal depression.

Although I've been eating Cadbury Creme Eggs today so I feel kind of up. :)

Anne Rainey said...

Obe--we all feel like that as writers. I wonder why we put ourselves through it? Keep your chin up and know you aren't alone! :)

Emma--Oh wow, you're a good wife!! LOL Sometimes those men of ours need a swift kick! LOL

Des--sorry about your weekend. :( Normally Mondays aren't bad for me,but today I just wish it were Friday. Ugh!

Anne Rainey said...

Lynne--Thanks for the hugs! :)

Regina--I'm sure tomorrow will look better. Sinking myself into my WIP might help too. We'll see, I guess.

Valerie--Sorry about the job. There's nothing worse than that. And if you win the lotto, don't forget about me! LOL

Amy--now why doesn't that surprise me? LOL

Anonymous said...

Hi Anne, I feel your pain very well. January and all of 2008 didn't go well for me and family either. Lately, I feel like my youngest son andhis family are running my and my husband's life, not my husband and I. My son lost his job the day after Christmas due to his own actions. They live with us so we have to handle their depression as well as our own problems. My other son wh oneeds a kidney is also depressed and not doing well physically. He depends on me for most of his conversation, fun, and laundry so that adds to my workload and depression. I want to give up on life and writing sometimes, but something forces me to go back to the computer. BUT, I've been going back thetre a lot less lately and I don't like that! I think spring will help. I did do something positive for me however, I've been submitting a wip to agents and editors the last 2 weeks and that's soemthing I haven't done in ages. I wonder sometimes how much longer I can handle all the disruption and control of my life by others. How long before I go over the edge and do something drastic, like tell all of them to get the he-- out of my house and life? But, do people really want such drastic changes as that in their lives? What do we miss when we kick people out of our lives?
To Emma Lai, who's going to Roswell, I AM SO JEALOUS!!!!!!!!! Spend some time for me at the UFO spots and shops and see the ranch where the saucer went down. A good dose of fun will make your move out there more bearable! You'll meet a ton of intersting people believe me! Sandy

Diane McEntire said...

I can relate with the "down" thing and my life was running out of control at one time. I am bipolar and was FINALLY diagnoses correctly and treated correctly and have been better for about a year now. Can't tell you how scary it is to want to end it all just to make the mental turmoil stop, but thought of what would happen to your kids kept you fighting. Anyway, I know that's deep and you're already down enough. Just wanted to explain how I can "relate". I have times, even months, I cannot write because I can't get into it. I can't even bring myself to read a story. Guess that is why I only have two books out right now. It's hard to force yourself out of the funk. Sometimes it just lifts..or maybe that is just me and my mental see-saw going upward...which is the best time for me to write. Sending you warm wishes and white light. Hugs. diane mcentire

Kelley Nyrae said...

I'm so sorry you're having a hard day. You KNOW I'm always here if you need to talk.

Its so hard to know what is the best thing to do when you feel like that? Lay around and risk it getting worse or jump into something you're heart isn't really in? I don't know. Sorry, Anne.

Morgan Ashbury said...

I've found that all things, even moods, can be cyclical. I, myself suffer from SAD. So this time of year is almost always exactly the way you're describing you mood of today.

Sometimes, waiting for the mood to pass isn't an option. Usually what I do is make myself do something - most usually write. I have to focus outside of myself and pretend that the filthy mood doesn't exist at all. And that usually works, to some degree.

And while we do have choices in our lives, we cannot control the actions of others. The choices our loved ones make impacts us, for better or worse. And sometimes their actions do leave us feeling out of control.

No easy answers, but lots of virtual hugs and positive thoughts heading your way.


Mary Ricksen said...

I hear mass depression here.
I know how everyone feels, my dad just died and we just had a family event so horrific that I cannot speak of it. But all our hearts are broken forever.
Well what can you do? I try to read and bury myself in something to forget. I talk to my friends, my 84 yr old mom, (to keep her sane), I hug my dog. I sit outside in a nice spot and listen to the wind chimes. You have to find peace somehow. And just try not to think about any of it as best as you can.
Time heals all they say, so bide your time and write if you can. If you can't then read, it'll put the bug back in you!

Unknown said...

When I'm that way I talk to my best friend and my kid smothers me with kisses or hugs if he's not with his dad for the weekend (which always makes me unhappy).

Unfortunately some things that change our lives we truly don't have control of, like losing a family member or the economy issues or custody issues. I had to learn to allow myself time to be unhappy. It sounds dumb but I've always been the person to cheer up others and I like to do that but sometimes I need a shoulder and it's ok that I do.

Hang in there. You have friends that care.

Sophia Danu said...

Hi Anne,
Sorry you are feeling down. I know the feeling when it seems like things spin out of control. It is hard to deal with. Personally, what I do is pray. That isn't the answer for everyone but it seems to help me.

Hope things get better soon. Usually everything seems better the next day.

xoxo, Sophia

Anne Rainey said...

Sandy--You have my sympathies! I just told my two kids that after this last batch of laundry is caught up, they're washing their own clothes from now on. My oldest waits til we yell at her to clean her room, then I end up with ten loads of laundry. No more!

Diane--(((hugs))) We all keep all these feelings inside, don't we? I had no idea how many people are going through something similar. I wish we all lived closer, we could form a support group or something!

Thanks Kelley and Morgan and Connie! The hugs and positive thoughts help a ton!

Sophie--great idea, I'll do that tonight. Tomorrow is bound to look better, right? :)

Julie Robinson said...

Sometimes you just need a day to sit down and watch t.v. all day with the kids. It's something they'll remember. Or sometimes, you just need to read a book all day and stay in bed. I firmly believe it's the body and mind's way of saying, "You know what, I'm tired and I just need to chill." And there's nothing wrong with that.

Nicole North said...

I hope you're feeling better today, Anne. (((Hugs!)))

CJ Parker said...

I won't say what my mom would say me to me. (This too shall pass.) It used to piss me off big time. LOL I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It sucks. I know.
I'm one of those women who cleans house when I feel like that. Dirt becomes my enemy. Dust doesn't have a chance. God help a stain in my carpet. Then I collapse with a good movie in the DVR and a pint of my favorite chocolate ice cream. And if it's a really bad mood, I dip it out of the carton with Oreos!!
Feel better.

Anne Rainey said...

Julie--Thanks. I think you're right. I sat and watched a movie with the kids and I did feel better. :)

Nicole, I feel like a cloud's been lifted today. Thank goodness! Thanks! :)

CJ--I actually did that last night. Had a little fit and went through all our piles of paper and bills and junk mail that's been building up. I got rid of a ton of stuff!

Cameo Brown said...

Mercury is in retrograde, I'm telling ya'! I thought I was the only one feeling out of sorts, but it looks like there's a vibe going 'round. I won't go into details, but this is a hard month for me anyway, and then there have been other issues this last week, including just feeling down. And people around these parts have been really crappy about everything. BUT...

I go to and look at animal pictures and it makes me feel better.

Hope today is a better day, Anne. Take care,

Cate Masters said...

Anne, so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Sometimes change is thrust on you and isn't so much a choice as a necessity, but can also lead to surprising places you might never have ventured. I hope this is true for you and your family. In the meantime, ride it out knowing you have many people who care about you!
Best, Cate