Friday, September 17, 2010

Fantasies - Do They Make You Feel Guilty?

Her Fantasy (semi-erotic scene)
(Blog post to follow!)

She’s drifting, taking in her semi-darkened bedroom and the way a slice of the full moon’s light streaks through a gap in the curtains. He slumbers next to her, and she’s left wanting, loins throbbing for release. A sigh leaves her, one of resignation that tonight she must meet the man in her dreams, the one who gives her what she craves. The one whose touch—rough calluses and strong, swift strokes upon her skin—is so different from the man beside her. Those sweet, soft touches, made by the hand of the man she married, are a different kind of love.

Sleep comes, embracing her wholly, and she succumbs to the realm of dreams, where her subconscious orchestrates what she sees and does. What he does. He arrives, bathed in the moonlight she has so recently seen while awake, his naked form a silhouette against the creamy brilliance behind him. He steps forward, his body revealed, all muscular planes, hardened dips and swirls. Her breath catches, the sight of his beauty infusing her with a longing that consumes her, body and soul.

He doesn’t speak, just holds up his arms for her to run into. And she does, loving the feel of his skin against her bare back, wishing he would remove the silk nightgown that molds to her body—the nightgown her husband ignored. She’d picked it especially, hoping for a night to remember, but the steady sound of his breathing and his closed eyelids expressed more than he realized.

But this man loves her, adores her, and his hands smoothing up and down her back tells her so. She clasps his shoulder blades, pulling him into her needy body, and his want for her presses against her upper thigh. Her folds moisten. The trickle of lust with its heady, musky scent ignites her desire, fills the air, and she looks up at him, time suspended, her universe stilled.

He dips his head and takes her mouth, sliding his tongue between her lips. She clings onto him, reveling in the feel of him, the emotions he inspires. He makes love to her, long and slow in the grass of dreams, the moon their only witness, and she allows release to come…


A harsh light flickers across her closed eyelids, and she opens them to see the bed empty beside her. The scent of coffee permeates the air, and she sighs that another day has come where she wasn’t woken by real hands, real arms keeping her warm.

Out of bed, she wraps herself in her dressing gown and pads downstairs, a glance at the clock along the way. He will leave now, breezing through the front door in a flurry of gray suit, red tie, and polished shoes, briefcase bumping against his leg. She smiles as he rushes past, his quick kiss on her cheek bringing sadness and the scent of his cologne, then follows him to the door to watch his departure.

Where has the passion gone? When did he stop wanting me like I still want him?

He drives away, and she closes the door, resigned to another day of loneliness. Remnants of her dream return then, shocking and sweet, poignant and hot, and she blushes. Heated cheeks and a sense of shame don’t stop her returning upstairs, to the warm embrace of her bed—and him. Will he come to her again? Will he be waiting as she closes her eyes and wills sleep to come?

She’s drifting, taking in her bedroom and the way a slice of the bright sun’s light streaks through a gap in the curtains…

~ ~ ~

Fantasies. We’ve all had them. Whether you’re in the situation like the woman above, happily settled, or single, our dreams are something we just can’t control. Daytime fantasies, or those we have while awake in the dead of night, however, are a different matter. We direct those, orchestrating where his or her hands go and what our dream partners say.

This subject came up for me while interviewing author Shoshanna Evers this week. I asked her a fantasy-based question, and her answer was the same as I would have given: “Even in my fantasies, I’d feel guilty snuggling up to Clive [Owen] when I have a perfectly good hubby at home.”

Many women feel this way, and I wonder, is it to do with upbringing, or is it down to the individual and what they’re comfortable with? For me—and I rarely have the kinds of dreams in the above snippet, and if I do, the man is my husband—I’d feel so bloody guilty at having thought of another man this way, almost as though I’d cheated. Now, this is just how it makes me feel, and I have no problem whatsoever if others relish a good old bit of fantasy. After all, I’ve heard it’s a healthy thing, and that many couples share their fantasies, which helps them keep their bedrooms antics hot! If you have total trust in your partner, which enables you to share in this way, I imagine expressing your dreams and desires can be quite enlightening, learning things about one another at the same time.

My husband and I are quite open about who floats our boats on TV, but it doesn’t extend to people we know. Neither of us are happy looking at other people in that way, and we feel if we did then something is missing from our relationship for us to want to look elsewhere. Again, this is something personal to us, and if other people enjoy browsing then good for them!

What I’m really waffling about is, am I one of the very few who don’t fantasize? Or is my writing my form of fantasy, where what I want leaks onto the page without me even realizing? Do fantasies enrich your relationship? If you imagine getting up to all sorts with other people, wink wink, does it mean you love your SO any less? Or is it just a healthy release? I’m interested to know your take on this!


Tess MacKall said...

Are you one of the very few who doesn't fantasize? You're one of the very few who has the most incredible, thoughtful, amazing hubby in the world. You're in love, honey. No need to go looking elsewhere. You're one of the lucky ones who has no need for fantasy as he sleeps right next to you.

As for what we write fulfilling our fantasies? Does it for me. Besides, I go to bed so tired at night I'm not able to fantasize. Heck, can't even REMEMBER dreams. I know I have dreams cause I'm TOLD by research that I do. But heck if I know.

So writing DOES fulfill my fantasies. And I've got plenty of them too. LOL

Anny Cook said...

Fantasies are just that--imaginary events--whether sexual or not. Who has not fantasized about winning the lottery or some such thing? Why is a sexual fantasy more verboten than a non-sexual one?

Imagination and fantasy are part of who we are, whether we share those fantasies with others or not. Do I fantasize? Oh, yeah. In my fantasies I'm younger, prettier, sexier... and that's okay.

And who says your fantasy has to include other men/women? What if your "real" man is the one you see performing some wild act in your fantasy? How is that different than imagining someone else?

I might fantasize about doing "it" in the middle of a forest with lions and tigers watching. Would I do that in reality? Not likely. Because ultimately, fantasy is just that. Fantasy.

C. Zampa said...

I have no husband, so I have no guilt about fantasies as some women might in a relationship.

And I agree with Tess. The love that sleeps beside you, in the real world, will bring much more happiness than Mr. Fantasy. His love is not imaginary.

But do I feel any guilt at all about fantasties in genera, no matter how wild or erotic they may be?

In a word. No.

Natalie Dae said...

Tess, I don't have time to fantasize LOL! Honestly though, if I did, it would be about the hubster. Yeah, I'm in love. *swoon*

Natalie Dae said...

I'm glad you brought that up, Anny. About the non-sexual ones. I don't feel bad about those at all. But the sexual ones just make me feel guilty. I can't help it if they happen while I sleep, but all the same...

And your point on my real man starring in them. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I'm just not into fantasizing in any way like that. I'm prolly an oddball. Actually, I know I am LOL.

I did laugh at your lions and tigers comment. You're so funny.

Natalie Dae said...

I'm glad you don't feel guilty, CZ. There's nothing wrong with it at all. I guess I have some mental block and it just isn't me to fantasize in anything sexual. But like Anny said, yep, I can fantasize about winning the damn lottery. LOL!

Shoshanna Evers said...

I think writing about muscular Heroes and imagining the scenarios I put them into when I'm writing is more than enough fantasizing for me, lol :) If I'm daydreaming for fun, it's about my own real-life Hero - hubby! :)

Natalie Dae said...

Snap, Shoshanna! Two peas in a pod.

Regina Carlysle said...

Studies were done ages ago that said men often fantasize about women other than their wives and it was perfecty normal and nothing for a woman to worry about. Now this was back in a time when nobody talked about WOMEN fantasizing too. I believe it's natural to fantasize sometimes because lets face it, life isn't always a fairy tale and women need a little bit of that in their lives. Especially if they have been in a long term relationship with their guy and have all the other, housework, and other responsibilities. For me, writing fulfills those fantasies nicely and I push them into my work. That works for me. But in the dead of night when nobody knows? Why the hell not? I don't have a problem with it and would never feel guilty about it. IT's not like I'd wake my hubby up and say...hey, guess who I just fantasized about?

Natalie Dae said...

Hahahaha, Reg. Wouldn't that just be too rude!

Anne Rainey said...

Fantasies are healthy and normal, but I'm a bit like Shoshanna I suppose. Hubby keeps me 'entertained'. :)

Great topic, Natalie!

Becca Dale said...

I think you are right to some extent, my sexual fantasies come out in my writing. But my hubby really is my real fantasy. LOL probably because I see the love involved in someone making me coffee in the morning and going off to work so that we have a home our children can come home to. While rocking the physical can be delicious, it is the man who holds my hand when I am sick, or mows the lawn so our house looks nice, or puts gas in my car so he doesn't have to worry about me or a million other things he does without a second thought that make him my fantasy. I don't feel guilty about my writing or a random dream now and again as it is my hubby's hand I seek when I need someone to hold and it is his laugh that keeps me content after twenty-four years. - insert cheesy grin.

Madison Scott said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with fantasies. I have an incredible, sexy, husband who I love dearly, but I think fantasies are normal.

Anonymous said...

I think fantasies are normal and natural. As long as when you are in a good relationship, they stay that way, just fantasies. Unless you have an open relationship.

My hubby openly admires other women, flirts with them, chats them up, but that is as far as it goes. He always comes home to me. He has a lot of female friends, and it's ok with me because I trust him and know he loves me.

He even encourages me to flirt with men....but I don't feel comfortable doing that at all. He has often said that he is thankful that he has a woman who is not jealous and that he has a woman he doesn't have to be jealous about..hehe!!

in Germany

Natalie Dae said...

Same here, Anne!

Natalie Dae said...

Becca, your comment made me cry. You have exactly the same kind of hubby I have. Bless you both!

Natalie Dae said...

Yep, Madison. Normal! Each to their own, too, I say.

Natalie Dae said...

Val, your hubby has the best of both worlds! It works for you both, and that's the main thing.